"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”
-Martin Luther King

From:            Zeb <Zebebeb@hotmail.com>
To:                 me
Subject:       
Date:             Oct 31, 2007

"Some people will tell you that slow is good-and it may be, on some days...but I'm here to tell you that fast is better. I've always believed this, in spite of the trouble it's caused me. Being shot out of a cannon will always be better than being squeezed out of a tube. That is why God made fast motorcycles ..." - Hunter S. Thompson, as posted by a "Christopher T. Shields" on his "American Angst" website, apparently in support of his fetish for rice burners over Harley-Davidsons.

--

Zeb's response to Christopher's supposed 'wit':

If Hunter truly had believed this, then he wouldn't have blown his brains out with a very slow .45 auto (850 fps muzzle velocity), like he did. He would have instead perhaps used a 357 (1600 fps muzzle velocity) or something equivalent.

When you do it, Chrissy, please, by all means, use the .357.


Zeb

 

_________________

Christopher's response to Zeb's supposed "intellect"

_________________

How delightfully predictable ...   Here we have Zeb claiming that because I have a different opinion than he does (and because I go against the mindset of the feeble minded flock of sheep to which he willing belongs) that he fervently hopes that I will kill myself in an expedient manner (using a method that may not insure total success in the edeavor).  All in all, it’s just more ridiculous ignorant drivel from one of the Luddites that are devoted to the worship of that sad trailer park spawned pagan religion that is what Harley Davidson has devolved into these days. This is Zeb’s first email to me (the first of three) and he bases it on one of the stronger points of the Milwaukee Orthodoxy, number  30, "come see the violence inherent in the system", aka "you don't like Harley Davidson so I hope you DIE !!" thereby proving that he truly falls into the “think-by-numbers” mindset.

Why can’t Zeb be original?

It's simple, really.  He buys any originality he has from a corporation that specializes in selling make-believe and therefore he has a very finite set of beliefs and thoughts which are numbered, thoughts which he can regurgitate on demand, this point being one a prime example of that kind of pre-programmed "snap-shot" mental behavior.  He lives his pathetic life in a think by numbers mindset that requires very little effort on his part to operate or utilize.  The sad part about this is that he may not actually know he's doing it ... so complete has his brain washing and programming been.  When you can identify entire patterns of thought and assign a number to that pattern then when you see lemming after lemming use a set of numbered thoughts in their email, you are left with the inescapable conclusion that what you are witnessing is flock behavior or consumer programming on a massive level.  Either way, it isn't pretty.

What is interesting to note is the blatant hypocrisy that is present in Zeb's email.  Zeb has taken a rather memorable and optimistic quotation about life (and motorcycles in general) from the late, great Hunter S. Thompson and twisted that quotation into Zeb’s own dark personal views on motorcycles, suicide and hate.  Since Hunter sadly decided to eat a bullet a few years ago, I guess Zeb believes that Hunter’s tragic suicide gives him carte blanche to run willy nilly through Hunter’s wonderful writings and interpret them to his own needs as he sees fit all in order to defend his pathetic choices in life.  What is hilarious is the fact that Zeb claims that I'm the one who is actually twisting Hunter's work around to fit my own personal agenda and views while at the same time it is Zeb who is doing exactly what he's chastising me for supposedly doing.  Ah, yes.  The Harley Davidson lifestyle simply can't exist without the inclusion of wholesale hypocrisy, a hypocrisy that is so prevalent in the retarded mindset of Willie G's congregation of faithful dullards.

I also find it humorous that Zeb claims that Hunter didn’t really know what the hell he was talking about when he originally said what he said about bikes and life (but now that Hunter is dead, Zeb here suddenly does know what Hunter is talking about or rather what he really should have said in order to fit in with Zeb's ignorant way of thinking). Apparently Zeb is now a (posthumous) expert on the writings and musings of the dearly missed gonzo pundit. 

Overall, I was surprised by Zeb’s email; being a Harley owner, the surprise was that he would be capable of reading and understanding someone as profound and complex as Thompson.  The truth is that I doubt that Zeb has ever read any of Thompson's work outside of my website.  People who own Harleys aren't the kind of people who read the works of deep thinkers or social outcasts, it bothers their think-alike herd mentality too much to do so.  Alas, I see that I was only half right as while it is clear that Zeb has somehow sounded out the big words in Thompson’s work, when it comes to actually understanding the meaning behind those words, Zeb comes up about as short as his given name.

Ah.

Ammunition!

Let’s talk about handgun ammunition for a bit, shall we? The .45 ACP (Automatic Colt Pistol, aka “the Flying Ashtray”, first introduced in 1905 by famed weapon maker John Browning) and the ubiquitous .357 magnum (first introduced in 1934 and the first of the magnum series of rounds) are both very popular and well established icons in the history of small arms.  It’s funny that Zeb should talk about a pair of highly popular, nay, seemingly legendary handgun rounds because ladies and gentlemen, when I say that Harley owners give me all of the ammunition in the world that I would ever need to blow huge gaping holes in their arguments, I sincerely mean it.  Harley owners (and the Motor Company itself) are their own worst enemy.  Zeb here thought he was being witty but the truth is that very little of either wit or thought went into his reply to me, if any wit or thought actually went into his reply at all.

What I like here about Zeb’s email is that he believes that if you are going to commit suicide then you need to do it right proper the first time.  While it is true that I can’t respect Hunter’s choice on prematurely ending his long and interesting life, I can respect the fact that he did do it right the first time and that in doing so he didn’t render himself a permanent vegetable that would be kept alive for year after year via some legal loophole at either his family’s expense or with the poor taxpayers of his locale footing the never-ending medical bill. Yes, Zeb’s belief is that if you are going to voluntarily check out of this life of your own free will and accord then you definitely need to do it with something that is big and slow and the best choice for that deed is a big piece of slow moving metal able to bludgeon its way through anything in its path (and not with something that is small, light and fast).

Hua!

I couldn’t agree more with Zeb on that particular line of thought!

For all of his rhetoric, Zeb here has said something that he never intended to say. He has taken on the aspects of light and fast sport bikes and heavy and slow Harleys and compared them directly to bullets in a handgun and subsequently how caliber size and muzzle velocity can be equated with which round to choose when contemplating suicide.  He then says that if you want to really kill yourself and do it right the first time, don’t pick the light, fast object (sport bike), use the heavy, slow object (Harley). Harleys are big, heavy and slow thereby, according to life, as Zeb sees it, a Harley is a perfect way to commit suicide (something I’ve thought all along).  Validation for my own personal belief in this matter comes directly from Zeb himself when he states that he believes that the big, heavy, slow metal object will get the job done right the first time.  After all, in today’s dense traffic full of idiot drivers and megawatt stereos louder than open exhausts, what better way to commit suicide than by entering that turbulent arena of SUVs and minivans while riding on a big, heavy, slow, underpowered, overweight, no-handling chrome and leather covered sofa on wheels?

His hatred is evident when he says that he not only hopes that I will commit suicide soon, but that I'll use the wrong caliber for the job and thus botch my suicide up to the point where I will be rendered less than effective in my task (i.e. a living vegetable).  So much of the Harley mindset revolves around violence and hatred, a deep desire that anyone who is not like them should suffer horribly and die over a difference in beliefs.  How any educated person could ever stand to be associated with anything even remotely having to do with Harley Davidson not only amazes me but surprises me as well.  Nothing invalidates a college diploma quicker than buying a Harley Davidson.  Hell, once you buy a Harley Davidson, you might as well smash the frame that your college diploma is displayed in then wipe your ass with your diploma because that's what having a college education and buying a Harley is tantamount to; wiping your ass with your hard earned college degree.

Harley owners.

While they are stupid and totally predictable, they do tend to remain a never ending source of amusement especially when their best thought out reply to me can be instantly turned around and used right back against them, much to their surprise and chagrin.

__________  Zeb Part II  __________

From:            Zeb <Zebebeb@hotmail.com>
To:                 me
Subject:       
Date:             Nov 1, 2007

BTW, please explain to all of your readers why a cop, who's supposed to be an advocate for law and order, advocates that people buy a motorcycle that goes way over 100 mph when there is no place on any public roads in America where such a speed limit is lawful, as you appear to do.

You appear to try and suggest that Harley owners somehow don't know that there are faster bikes than Harleys, and that this kind of speed should somehow be the prime factor for buying a motorcycle.

The truth is that the prime factor for a person buying any type of 'luxury' should be because it's what they want, it's what they enjoy.

Therefore your logic is that people shouldn't buy what they enjoy, but what YOU enjoy, and that if they don't buy what YOU enjoy, that they are therefore then deserving of your very pompous name-calling and ridicule.

So, do you advocate breaking the law and riding at the speeds that you claim your Honda goes? and if not, then what's the point in buying such a motorcycle? Who did you say buys motorcycles in order to try and fulfill some type of pretentious personality trait? And if you do advocate riding a bike that fast, then you are advocating that people break the law and drive in a very extreme and reckless way that definitely endangers their lives and the lives of others; and in that case, then I think you're unfit to be a police officer, and that you should be fired from your job.

I think you just hate Harleys and Harley owners, in part, because of the history of some Harley riders and their historical reputation of confrontations with police, etc. In any event, you claim to be so mentally superior over so many Harley riders, yet you behave so mentally inferior.

And as I stated in a previous email to you, you cite Hunter S. Thompson in some remark you claim he made about speed and fast motorcycles, yet even though you like to pretend on your website that you're so much smarter than Harley riders, you apparently failed to grasp the irony with that quotation of Hunter's, seeing how, like I said, Hunter used one of the heaviest and slowest velocity American made cartridge and bullet there is to blow his brains out, rather than using one of his other numerous firearms with a lighter and higher velocity bullet to try and do the job. Thompson used a bullet that is quite heavy and slow, a 45 ACP auto, because he apparently felt it was the best device for the purpose he intended to use it for. Likewise, Harley riders use heavier, slower bikes for the purposes THEY intend to use them for. If they wanted a lightweight, faster bike, they would buy one. But that's not what they want, that's not the purpose for which they bought a Harley, yet you fault them for not buying a motorcycle for which they have no purpose for, for not buying one that YOU like, rather than one that THEY like.

And yet you think YOU'RE smarter than them.

Buddy, I don't know if you're truly for real or not, but if you are, you've mistaken your smugness, arrogance and narcissism for intelligence. You're not truly intelligent, you're simply just a somewhat neurotic asshole.

And gee, didn't I read somewhere on your website that you also own some type of Pontiac Firebird Trans Am of some sort, too? What's the purpose in that, when you could have bought some type of Jap sports car that is lighter, faster, perhaps cheaper, and gets better mileage? Isn't that rather hypocritical of you?

People buy Harley's because they LIKE Harleys for various reasons over rice burners, no matter how fast and light the rice burner is. Therefore when you learn someday that there are many other things that appeal to human beings besides cost, light weight and high speed, perhaps then you will have pulled your head out of your ass and learned something more than just these three things.

Keep making me laugh while telling everyone how much smarter you are than Harley owners, while you use your spell checker to try and convince everyone what a great speller and writer you are as well (as though such a thing really matters to people having fun riding Harleys). You're quite a case study in neurotic, sociopathic narcissism.

And BTW, if you're so gosh darn smart like you try to insinuate, and you care so much about your hard work and about how far your dollars go, like you stated, then what is a 'genius' like you doing working as a 'low-paid' police officer, when you could be using your time and hard work to make more money in a more lucrative job? You're not going to tell me that you're a cop because you LIKE being a cop regardless of the money, are you, that there's more to life than just money, hmmmmm?

Which means, then, that you're no different than Harley owners who aren't in it for the speed, but because like you, it's what they LIKE to do.

Have a nice day, 'genius.'


Zeb
 

_________________

To which I replied

_________________

“BTW, please explain to all of your readers why a cop, who's supposed to be an advocate for law and order, advocates that people buy a motorcycle that goes way over 100 mph when there is no place on any public roads in America where such a speed limit is lawful, as you appear to do.”

Interesting.

Patently retarded with a dash of the imbecilic thrown in for spice but interesting nonetheless.

Now, if I understand you correctly, you’re saying that, as a police officer who is charged with enforcing traffic safety and traffic laws, I should not lawfully advocate the sell of anything that is CAPABLE of going way over 100mph because there is no place on any public road in America where such speed is lawful? Well, is 100mph lawful, Zeb? I think that 100mph is still very highly illegal (and dangerous) and most Harleys can (barely) do 100mph on the top end (right at the point where that tired old sump pump starts up-chucking parts all over the place). Using your logic, as a police officer sworn to uphold the law, if I officially can't advocate the sale of sport bikes then I also can’t officially advocate that anyone buy a Harley either because what’s the real difference between 100mph and “way over 100mph?”

Honestly?

Is there any place in America, any public street, where you can legally do 100mph? 95mph?  90mph?  85mph?  80mph?  I don’t think so. 100mph and “way over 100mph” are both illegal in the eyes of the law.  Both speeds are still breaking the law in a dangerous and stupid way, aren’t they or do traffic laws and speed limits apply differently to Harley owners than they do to sport bike riders? JHinol seems to think that traffic laws apply differently to Harley owners than to other people which means that we may be seeing an interesting mutation of the acute retardation that affects Harley owners. Why would it be okay to own a bike that will do 100mph but not okay to own a bike that will do 165mph when both speeds (that the bike would be capable of doing) are illegal? If you can, please explain why it is okay to own a bike capable of going 100mph (breaking the law) but not a bike capable of going "way over 100mph) (still breaking the law).  I mean, Harley owners already think that they own the road, so do they think that they own the law now as well?  Recent signs are pointing to "yes."

It’s not about speed, Zeb and it never has been.  It's about performance.  Speed is just the candy sprinkles on top of the tasty frosting on the big moist, delicious cake of motorcycling.  The whole argument is about safety but then to a group of sheep that have long ago traded engineering for style and safety for fashion, I’ll understand if the concept of “performance” has become somewhat alien to you, if you are still even vaguely familiar with it at all. It’s not about speed; it’s about performance and safety which, curiously enough, go hand in hand on the street. High performance is usually backed by an equally high amount of safety features and safety engineering; after all, the only people in the world who want to go really fast on things that are inherently dangerous at high speed are Harley riders. The rest of us know better than to trust our lives to something that makes the Edsel look like a Rolls Royce.

Yes, I would rather have a bike descended from championship racing stock than a copy of a bike that was built to 1950’s engineering, technology, safety and styling standards. Is that too difficult a concept for you to understand? If so, then I apologize. I sometimes forget that when I talk towards Harley owners (because I don't know enough small words to talk directly to Harley owners) that I need to lower my examples from a post college graduate level down to somewhere near the pre-kindergarten / Dr. Seuss level of simplicity or else it just doesn’t get the point across successfully. Let’s put the situation into pictures that you might could relate to; I choose to ride a thoroughbred, pedigreed, well mannered race horse that is as docile on slow rides as it is hell on the track while you plod along on an old spotted milk cow that does nothing but drag its leathery udders on the ground, chew cud noisily while belching and farting as it shuffles along. What is even funnier is that your cow cost four times what my race horse did and you, somehow, thought it was a bargain for that price.  What's even funnier is that you bought the cow thinking it was a raging bull and the really funny thing is that even though you know better, even though history and facts and mechanical tests show that your cow has teats rather than balls, you still proudly claim that your cow is a bull and not just a bull but a bull from the greatest family of bulls ever to walk the God's green Earth.  I find that to be hilarious. Harleys are so slow and ponderous that I’m surprised that you actually ride them at all instead of line them up single file in order to be milked.  Sturgis shouldn't be a biker rally ... it should be a week long dairy convention.

I love the ludicrous linear logic of your proposed argument because it clearly shows that not only do you not understand the first thing about motorcycles in general but that you also don’t understand the concept of performance at all (don’t feel bad, very few Harley owners understand the concept of performance since that trait vanished from the Harley namesake and the entire Harley Davidson lineup sometime way back in the early 1960’s). Using your really special inbred logic, as a police officer I could never recommend that anyone buy any sport bike, any Harley Davidson, a Chevrolet Corvette, a Dodge Viper, a Porsche or even a Ferrari.  Yes, according to your way of thinking, there is just no way that anyone should ever be allowed to buy a Corvette or a Viper or a Ferrari legally because as soon as you buy the car ... well, you’re in possession of something that could be used to break the law in a super serious way.

Heavy emphasis on the word “could.”

With great power comes great responsibility. It’s a time honored saying that doesn’t really apply to anything that Harley Davidson sells because the only two things that can be described as “great” in regard to a Harley Davidson are their weight and their price. And the noise that they make, can't forget that ...  Oh, and maybe the gullibility and stupidity of the people who actively worship those ridiculous antediluvian pieces of junk. 

Don’t you just love how Harley owners think? Don’t you just love how they come up with all of this tragically flawed, ridiculous double-wide logic in a desperate attempt to justify not only their poor choices but also their pathetic existence and sad way of life? It never ceases to amaze me at the depths of stupidity that Harley owners will grab at straws for all in a desperate attempt to prove that they’re right and that I’m somehow wrong about them or how they think. I guess this is all a result of living a make-believe life for so long that these people actually start to believe the nonsense that they have surrounded their selves with. These people have been deprived of performance for so long that they now think that performance is a bad thing that should not only be shunned, but it should also be illegal to sell.  They've been deprived of real performance for so long that they feel that no one else should have any performance either.  Apparently it's not so much a case of "sour grapes" as much as it is a case of "misery loves company."  Harley owners aren't happy and they don't want anyone else to be happy either.  I find that to be quite sad yet at the same time very telling on the part of the brethren that flock to Milwaukee's resident pagan religion.

Zeb, let’s use your humorous though failed double-wide logic and have some more fun with it, at your expense, shall we?

Yes, lets!

The maximum legal US speed limit is 70mph so by your definition, I could never advocate that anyone own a Harley Davidson (since most Harleys are capable of top speeds a little over a 100mph and that would be 30mph greater than the maximum LEGAL limit, now wouldn’t it?). What about the V-Rod, Zeb? The V-Rod will (barely) do 135mph on the top end (not that you would ever want to ride anything with the HD emblem on it at that great a speed), so let’s just quit selling the V-Rod as well because right off the dealer showroom floor that bike is (almost) capable of nearly TWICE the maximum LEGAL speed limit in the United States and, using your knowledge of the roads of America, where exactly is it that you could open that import-powered, Harley framed mechanical bastard up to its full potential? Using your very own logic, there is no legal justification for the sale of Harley Davidson motorcycles in the US since any HD motorcycle is capable of easily breaking the law by a good 30 mph on the top end which, according to your views on performance, should make the sale of any and all Harley Davidsons illegal in the first place.

Oh, wait …

According to popular flock myth, Harley owners don’t buy their bikes to go fast (just to pose on) and it’s just the sport bikes that go fast and suddenly we’re right back to that same old cliché of sport bikes do 165mph all the time, everywhere they go because, like, duh, they’re made to do that kind of speed and it’s the only thing that they’re good for and they only have one speed which is wide open all the time and ...

That’s number 4 in the list of the “think by numbers” mindset so prevalent in the Milwaukee Orthodoxy, Zeb.  Your reading comprehension level is very close to Hinol’s level (and that’s saying something … bad). I don’t advocate speed, I advocate performance which is a double edged sword. Yes, speed can kill you (if used incorrectly) but speed can also save your life (if used correctly). The USAF has a saying; "Speed is life."  If you don’t understand that basic fact of life then you have no business ever being on a motorcycle in the first place (but then if you ride a Harley Davidson then you aren't really ever on a motorcycle, per se). The throttle works both ways (which is something that you HD morons don’t understand). Just because my bike can do 165mph doesn’t mean that it has to do 165mph. My bike is powered by a computer controlled high compression fuel injected four cylinder four stroke internal combustion engine, not a solid fuel rocket which attains maximum thrust for the duration of the burn and can't be shut off once it is lit.  Maybe the reason why you don’t understand performance is that for the last fifty years, Harleys have not come with throttles; instead, they have come with volume control knobs. The more you pull the volume control knob backwards, the louder the bike gets (not necessarily the faster the bike gets but the louder (and more annoying) it gets).  Harley riders are about as annoying as a monkey with a hand cranked air raid siren.

I don’t advocate doing “way over 100mph” unless it is at a track or a sporting event. However, since performance, overall performance, is important to survival then having a lightweight, highly responsive performance oriented bike with lots of excess power and a nimble suspension matched with big quick response brakes is a lot smarter than riding what amounts to a self propelled leather clad, chrome optioned recliner on wheels.

Your ignorance has amused me and for that to occur, your ignorance must truly be extraordinarily deep in nature which, as we shall see, your emails will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt.

“You appear to try and suggest that Harley owners somehow don't know that there are faster bikes than Harleys, and that this kind of speed should somehow be the prime factor for buying a motorcycle.”

Wrong. 

It isn’t that Harley owners don’t know that there are faster bikes out there (they learn that every time they try to out muscle an import, even a 20 year old import ...), it’s that they don’t know that there are better built, less expensive bikes out there because they would rather believe popular myth and hear-say rather than look up the facts on their own and make an informed decision.  Harley owners buy their bikes because they want to be individuals but don't have the strength, courage, or intelligence to be so on their own.  Harley owners don't understand that they can have a life outside of that which the Motor Company provides because they are incapable of creating an original life of their own and they are too scared to even try.  People are sheep, by and large thanks to the dumbing down of our great country and sheep operate in a flock behavior mode.  There's safety in numbers, there's strength in numbers and no where are numbers greater than in a flock or herd of similar minded automatons.  No where can you see this more in evidence than with Harley owners.  Harley owners are sheep in wolf's clothing.  The intimidation, the wild nature, and the toughness ends as soon as you dare to look closer.

A prime factor for buying a motorcycle should be a complete and thorough understanding not only of the history of the company that is building the motorcycle but also the history of the motorcycle itself.  I also like to look at where a company is headed and its outlook on the future.  A company that is deeply rooted in repeated failure should not rank very high on your list of potential vendors, no matter how much patriotic guilt you have to endure. You should understand the history of the company and where it is headed. You should study your company and decide if it fits you and your beliefs as a person and as an individual.  If you are a forward thinking individual who values the constant evolution of technology backed by a long history of achievement and competition, you will probably be attracted to a company like Honda.  If you value repeated failure, constant living in the past, lack of direction, delusional management, and an inability to learn from mistakes then you will probably be attracted to a much smaller and far less successful company like Harley Davidson.

I own a Honda motorcycle because I like a company that is innovative, forward thinking, that is driven by technology, that evolves through direct competition with its peers, that has a long history of success even during adversity, that breaks through divisional barriers and builds many, many things from lawn mowers to power generators, from watercraft to ATVs, from dirt bikes to street bikes, from cruisers to full liter class super sport bikes, from cars and trucks to jet planes and robots.  If Honda built computers or home electronics, I'd own them without guilt.  I like a company that is competitive and has a long history of winning. I like a company that is moving forward into the future at a steadily increasing pace. I like a company that, in almost 70 years, has come far further than your beloved company has in almost a hundred and ten years.  Scratch that ... Harley Davidson only evolved for the first fifty years of its life ... the sixth decade was spent fending off import invasions (and finally retreating in the face of the British and Japanese onslaught).  The seventh decade was spent being bought out by a company known for making bowling balls.  It was this company that gave HD the Evolution engine thus taking them from a 20,000 mile engine to a 100,000 mile engine almost overnight.  The eighth decade was spent buying out from AMF and reorganizing from a motorcycle manufacturer into a trendy upscale white trash lifestyle provider.  The ninth and tenth decade were spent building copies of bikes produced during the fifth decade, introducing only a few new models and "introducing" technology and changes to their product line that the Japanese had introduced into their respective product lines two decades earlier.  One hundred years and some change and Harley has nothing to be proud of.  Harley didn't survive a century because it was a good company that made a good product, Harley survived a century because it managed to weasel its way out of a richly deserved corporate death then reinvent itself into a market niche where it could make exaggerated claims without the requirement to either back those claims up or prove their validity.

What does Harley Davidson build? A lifestyle; a make-believe lifestyle, a commercially sold fairy tale for gullible and stupid people who can’t figure out how to have a life of their very own (for free, I might add) and who have a very real need to dress like cheap white trash. Your company specializes in fashion and styling and as such, it can’t seriously be considered as a true motorcycle company.  In fact, Harley Davidson quit producing "real" motorcycles when Willie G. and his Twelve Disciples bought the company out from under AMF.  It took the head of HD styling to wrestle the company away from AMF.  Not the head of engineering, the head of styling but then if you look at HD, you realize that HD replaced engineering with styling during the early 1960's so in a way I guess that when Willie G. did the deed, it really was what amounts to "engineering" at HD taking over the helm on the corporate ship of fools.  With HD's resolve to put styling over engineering in the early 1960's, it was an easy transition to make from being a lackluster motorcycle company to a fast rising fashion powerhouse.  Sure, HD would continue to produce "motorcycles" but those were just high end props for the fashion items that the company would come to be known for in the 1980's and beyond into the 21st century.

An important consideration in buying a motorcycle should be making the personal decision of “do I want a motorcycle to ride or do I want a prefabricated, pre-packaged make-believe lifestyle to replace my own pathetic, going nowhere life?” If you want a motorcycle to ride, buy an import. If you want someone else's idea of a life to live, if you still want to do make-believe and play dress-up, then buy the Harley.

“The truth is that the prime factor for a person buying any type of 'luxury' should be because it's what they want, it's what they enjoy.”

Some people enjoy huffing rattle-cans of spray paint or sodomizing zebras but I don't see how that is good for them or those around them regardless of whether it is what they want or not.  Just because you want to do it (and you have the money to do it) doesn't mean it's a monumental good thing to do.  I don’t believe that any kind of real thought process is evident in the lemming-like mindset that defines the way that Harley owners reason and while you may beg to differ I haven’t really seen any evidence to refute that belief.

You say that a Harley is a luxury?  Since when did stupidity and ignorance become a luxury?  Since when did obsolescence and failure become a luxury?  You see, you have to spin Harley Davidson's many shortcomings in order to make it even remotely appealing.  Stupidity and ignorance become a "lifestyle" and an "experience."  Obsolescence and failure become "tradition" and "heritage."  Once you change the name of the problem, once you sugar coat it, then it is far easier to swallow.  No one in their right mind would pay to be stupid or ignorant but if you are offered the chance to buy a lifestyle and enjoy an experience, well then that's a different story, isn't it?  No one who had a high school education would ever pay money for obsolescence and failure but if you offered them a product rich in tradition and heritage, well, that's different, isn't it?  Only Harley Davidson could ever claim to have a rich heritage and tradition in failure and obsolescence.  I'm sorry, but obsolescence, failure, stupidity, and ignorance are four "luxuries" that I really can't afford in life.

If you want to buy a Harley, I have no problem with that; if you’re that much of a gullible imbecile, then please be my guest.  Tell Willie G. that I said hello because I know he's going to be laughing all the way to the bank and even I can appreciate his skill at taking money from complete morons.  Now, while Willie G. couldn't design a cardboard box for a homeless person, his (and those who control HD) talent for making money by shoveling junk into the hands of eager idiots is simply staggering to my business educated mind.  If I'm jealous of Harley Davidson in any way it's the way that HD manages to milk so much money from so many idiots!  Damn!  How do I get in on that caper?!  I really would open a Harley Davidson dealership but I doubt that I could be a successful owner.  You see, when I sold a Harley Davidson to some poor fool, I'd really feel guilty about taking their money in the same kind of way that I would feel if I had hopped over the fence of a local school and used martial arts to remove lunch money from every single 6 year old on the playground at recess.  In fact, I would probably have to have a completely soundproof office because every time one of my sales people completed a sale, I'd probably guffaw out loud for so long that I would need to keep a tank of oxygen and a mask nearby just to recover from my laughing fit.  Having a sound proof office would be a necessity because customers generally have this tendency not to appreciate being laughed at, especially when they think that they're making an important, life changing decision rather than simply spending a whole lot of money to validate their own failings as a human being.  I'd also probably rig up some sort of electronic sound module near the door so that whenever a new customer walked in, instead of a gentle chime ("ding-dong"), there would be the sound of either a sheep ("baaaaaaa."), a cow ("mooooooo.") or a turkey ("gobble.  gobble.").  It would be an inside joke and sometimes we might switch out the modules just to keep the customer guessing.  I guess the point is that I would never make a successful HD dealer because I really don't have the awful mindset required to take financial advantage of mentally retarded people.  I firmly belive that there's a special place in hell for HD dealers not because HD is a pagan religion and the dealers perpetuate its growth but because having a successful HD dealership is tantamount to turning a center for retarded people into a trendy brothel and that's got to be a cardinal sin if ever there was one.

Go ahead, Zeb and waste your hard earned money on trend driven junk.  Give me reason upon reason to ridicule you every which way but loose but please don’t ever think that cost automatically equates to quality. In America, we have many basic, inalienable rights and apparently one of those rights is now the right to be as stupid as you possibly can be (or can possibly afford to be).  The point of contention that I have with Harley owners is that not only are most of them stupid and ignorant but that they actively choose to be / remain so even when given the chance and opportunity to better their selves.  It takes a special kind of extra stupid person to not only remain stupid but to pay mightily for the privilege of doing so.

Remember, Harley sells a trademarked lifestyle.  Common sense dictates that when you buy your life from someone else then the life that you’re living isn’t really your own. It’s like renting a costume from a costume rental store then claiming that you really are the character that the costume is based upon.  Right, Captain America.  There comes a point when you realize that you can’t buy individuality or originality, you have to create those two facets of your life on your own and doing so is going to require some effort on your part. Until you reach that point in your life, there’s always Harley Davidson to fall back on ... that is, if you can afford to fall back on Harley Davidson.  Oh, well.  If you can't afford a Harley, you can at least afford a Harley T-shirt and for some people that's good enough to get you through the doors of the Church of Milwaukee.

“Therefore your logic is that people shouldn't buy what they enjoy, but what YOU enjoy, and that if they don't buy what YOU enjoy, that they are therefore then deserving of your very pompous name-calling and ridicule.”

Once again, you are wrong. I don’t care what you ride or what you buy as that will affect you personally and not me in the least.  If you want to spend $20,000 on a Harley Davidson, $4000 on matching clothes and $10,000 on Whining Turkey speed parts just so your $20,000 Harley (now a $30,000 Harley) can even think about keeping up with a $10,000 import, then I can assure you I won't lose any sleep over it.  My logic is to buy smart not popular, to use your brain before you buy.  Your logic is to let your wallet be guided by your heart (or in most Harley owner's case, the little brain they have dangling between their legs).  Buy what you want but if you buy stupid then try to justify your stupid purchase using any kind of reasonable financial logic I'll ridicule you. 

Pompous name calling?  If there’s any pompous name calling and ridicule going on, it’s from the Harley Davidson owners to the import owners and it started with the Harley owners in the first place.  Oh, you and your retarded kind can dish it out but you can't take it.  To be such diehard bad-asses you all whine like a bunch of little children when you have to take some of your own medicine and that's what makes this site so much fun, exposing the real you for all the world to see. You and your kind redefine the term “pompous” and “arrogant.” Do you think that it was import owners who first coined the derogatory term “rice burner” or “Jap crap?” Your unmitigated arrogance is only limited by your monumental collective stupidity.

I ridicule idiots who don’t think for their own selves, who use advertising tag-lines to defend their choices in life, and who base their existence off of marketing clichés and easily disprovable pop-culture myths. The problem with Harley owners is that they don’t think for their selves. If they did, they wouldn’t be Harley owners in the first place.  Harley Davidson doesn't just sell a "lifestyle" it also sells a "life."  Once you subscribe to the "life" that HD sells, you adopt it as your own.

I don’t support failure.

Harley Davidson is a monumental failure as a motorcycle manufacturer, especially as an American motorcycle manufacturer.  America has ideals and standards that Harley likes to claim that it lives up to but in truth, it doesn't even come close to being able to be considered in any way, shape or form as being "American" or at least not the "America" that I grew up learning about.  Harley Davidson may represent "America" but if it does, then it represents the Richard Simmons "America" rather than the John Wayne "America."  Harley Davidson does not and cannot represent what it means to be American because so much of what Harley Davidson represents is anti-American in nature; fat, slow, dumb, outdated, overpriced, loud, weak, heavy, flashy, obsolete ... I could go on and on but if any of those attributes sound to you like they describe traditional America and traditional American values then you need to go back and look at what your own country stands for (or at least what it used to stand for).

I don’t pander to or coddle idiots. Harley Davidson owners are, by and large, idiots (you’re a prime example).  Making fun of stupid people has been a past-time of smart people for hundreds, perhaps thousands of years. You call it “pompous name-calling and ridicule.” I call it something entirely different…

I call it “sport.”

“So, do you advocate breaking the law and riding at the speeds that you claim your Honda goes? and if not, then what's the point in buying such a motorcycle?”

Paging “Reading Comprehension.” Paging “Reading Comprehension.” Please meet your party, “Common Sense” at the entrance to the Medulla Oblongata. Your party is waiting on you and they’ve been waiting on you for a very long time now ...

I don’t advocate riding or cruising at high speeds on public roads, Zeb. That’s what they build race tracks and drag strips for. However, it is nice to have a bike that you can ride (as opposed to haul around on a trailer) to the local drag strip, spend all night flogging it against cars and other bikes, then ride it home later that night on the same tank of gas that you took to the track. Performance has a specific place, speed is reserved mostly for the drag strip or the race track but it can come in handy on the street. Imagine having a bike that, if someone pulled out directly in front of you that you had a wide range of options available to you in order to protect yourself from injury:

You could accelerate around and past the careless driver in a burst of quick but easily controlled speed, using just enough power to clear the obstacle that suddenly appeared in front of you then bringing the bike down to legal speeds when you were out of danger.

You could just use your advanced suspension design to lean hard and motor around the careless driver without ever accelerating or moving into non-legal speeds.

You could ease down on the triple disc, multi-piston world championship derived brakes knowing that you had all the stopping power you needed to avoid an accident (and protect / save your life).

It’s a hell of a lot easier to accelerate / handle / brake a 400 pound object than it is to accelerate / handle / brake a 900 plus pound object, especially if the 400 pound object has a power to weight ratio of around 1 horsepower per 4 pounds and the 900 pound object has a power to weight ratio of 1 horsepower per 15 pounds. The science behind this example is called “physics” and “physics” is a very harsh mistress who doth tolerate no fools and who doth not like to be fucked with. Physics is a realm of science that doesn’t really exist in the make-believe world of Harley Davidson, at least not like it does in the real world and when it does appear in the world of Harley Davidson, it’s often skewed and wrong (like thinking that a 900 pound motorcycle powered by a 57 horse air cooled irrigation pump will blow away a 400 pound motorcycle powered by a cutting edge engineered 115 horsepower four cylinder power plant). Remember the wonderful world of Harley Davidson make believe where bigger always equals badder, heavier always equals faster, styling is a replacement for engineering, fashion is a direct substitute for safety and that extra chrome only adds to the resale value.

“Who did you say buys motorcycles in order to try and fulfill some type of pretentious personality trait?”

Harley Davidson owners.

The evidence is irrefutable and very well defined.  Harley Davidson customers are by and large total losers and they are looking for something that will get them noticed by other human beings, something that will give them the life that they so desperately crave yet just can't seem to figure out how to have (for free) on their own.  Harley owners are failures as basic human beings and they need expensive crutches to both stand them up and get them noticed.  The Motor Company itself admits to producing and marketing a trademarked, specifically and easily recognized lifestyle.  Hell, they're even proud enough of this fact to boast about it quite often.  When you produce a “lifestyle” you cannot therefore be producing a “motorcycle” therefore Harleys are not "motorcycles" but rather "high end accessories" to a ridiculous "lifestyle."  If there’s ever a brand of product designed to cure a “pretentious personality trait” then it is Harley Davidson.  If ever there was a brand of product to insure that losers would get noticed (not liked or respected but at least noticed) then it is Harley Davidson.

Too bad buying a Harley doesn't cure you from being a loser, no, it just seems to magnify that particular personal failing.

“And if you do advocate riding a bike that fast, then you are advocating that people break the law and drive in a very extreme and reckless way that definitely endangers their lives and the lives of others; and in that case, then I think you're unfit to be a police officer, and that you should be fired from your job.”

Ah.

An interesting yet inherently weak variant of the “you don’t ride / like a Harley / Harley Davidson so therefore you aren’t qualified to be a police officer” line of hillbilly thinking (number 33 on the Milwaukee Orthodoxy).  Once again, any "original thought" you might think you are putting across in your email is really nothing more than a point of thought taken from the "think by numbers" mindset that is the Milwaukee Orthodoxy.  Again, using your own way of retarded thinking, I should be fired from my job for ever recommending that anyone buy a Harley Davidson let alone something like a Corvette, a Ferrari, a Porsche, or a Viper.  Do you know what the difference between Harleys and sport bikes is?  Sport bikes look dumb when they're going fast in traffic.  Harleys look dumb anytime they're in traffic.

I really don’t have to worry about my badge being in jeopardy because once again you have failed at even the simplest of basic reading comprehension levels. Once again you have assumed that sport bikes automatically go triple digits every time that the transmission is put into gear and the clutch is released. In addition to that nonsense, you’ve further based your erroneous argument on the fact that because I advocate ownership of a sport bike over a Harley that therefore I am advocating breaking the law whenever I suggest that people buy a sport bike or an import over a Harley Davidson.

Overall, I have found your special mixture of pure stupidity and abject confusion to be the stuff of legend, even in the annals of the Harley owners. I am so glad that you sent me these emails because idiocy and ignorance like yours is the premium high octane fuel that I use to keep my website running year after year (and your emails are the stuff that keeps people coming back to read my work and have a good, deep laugh at deplorable cretins like you).

I think that the philosophy that I present on my website is both safety oriented and sound in nature. I advocate buying a bike that is light, powerful, responsive and safe with enough power, handling and braking to help insure that when you leave the house for a ride that you’ll be returning home again in one piece. I advocate buying a bike that is safe enough to ride at 165mph on at a closed track so that it’s even safer at much slower speeds (when all of the hardware is working at far less than its rated capacity). You’re far safer on a bike that can do 165mph (and has the hardware to back that power and performance up) than you are on a bike that is giving it all it has got just to reach 100mph (and is reaching the very end of its performance (and engine life) envelope).

“I think you just hate Harleys and Harley owners, in part, because of the history of some Harley riders and their historical reputation of confrontations with police, etc.”

Well, I’ve easily proven that not a whole lot of thinking actually occurs anywhere in your thick yet vacuous skull but let’s address this silly bit of nonsense as well. So you somehow believe that I don’t like Harley owners because some Harley owners (a very miniscule percentage) are or once were outlaws? I’ll give you credit for being creative but deduct twice the amount of points that you earned for not using any amount of logic or careful thought in your argument.

Harley Davidson is an interesting fairy tale where 99% of the fools are make-believers who ride the coat-tails of the 1% who are the diehards. I don’t hate Harley owners because one percent of them actually do live (in reality) the make-believe life that the other 99% pretend to live. I don’t hate Harley owners because a few Harley owners have gone up against the police (and nine out of ten times failed miserably in their endeavors). After all, Harley builds police bikes (not very good ones, mind you …) so that kind of negates your imbecilic theory right there, doesn’t it?

I don’t hate Harley owners because a very, very few of them have had run-ins with the law. I hate Harley owners because the vast majority of them are stupid and because they not only choose to be so but they are willing to pay for the privilege of being so. I hate Harley Davidson because it is a failure that masquerades as a success. I hate Harley Davidson because it represents everything that is wrong with our current society.

Run-ins with the law?

On a Harley?

You have to be seriously retarded if you think that a Harley is a reliable enough or powerful enough get-away vehicle to be used in the commission of any serious crime. If you were going to knock over a lemonade stand, yeah, use a Harley. If you’re going to rob anything bigger than a kissing booth at a charity event, then you’ve got to use something with some real power to it and when it comes to power, nay, when it comes to performance (light weight, superior braking, superior handling, superior acceleration) Harley Davidson just doesn’t cut it.

Harley owners show a great amount of ignorance when they assume that they are smarter than everyone else just because of what they ride (and because what they ride is purported to be an American icon). Harley is a legend, yes, but it is a legend of incompetence, inability to compete, poor managerial decision making and a history of constant failure. In that regard, Harley Davidson truly is a legend among legends.

I hate Harley and Harley owners not because a very few of them have gone up against law enforcement officers, I hate Harley Davidson and Harley owners because they are moving in obvious high speed retrograde to the rest of the world, the rest of the human race and because they willingly choose to do so (it’s the only transmission gear they have left since they gave up trying to go forward about five decades ago).

“In any event, you claim to be so mentally superior over so many Harley riders, yet you behave so mentally inferior.”

You try to insult me by calling me “Chrissy” as you suggest that I kill myself because my opinion doesn't agree with yours and then you have the audacity to say that I’m behaving in a mentally inferior manner? Your arrogance shines forth again with a bright silver sheen of hypocrisy to highlight it. Is that really the best that you can do, Zeb? Is that how a mentally superior Harley owner carries on an intelligent debate?  If you're trying to be my mental superior and lead by example then you're as much of a failure as the company you support.

“Chrissy?”

A well thought out insult like that may have hurt my feelings if you had called me that in kindergarten or first grade but at the ripe old age of 38 years old I’m doing nothing but laughing at your child-like ineptitude and your obvious serious mental retardation.  You claim that I behave in a mentally inferior manner? I fail to see where you are correct. How is advocating safe riding, careful thought of high dollar purchases, researching your product, of being your own self, of pursuing an education, of carrying yourself well when you communicate ideas, of thinking before you speak, and a host of other accepted time honored traditional “American” values, how is all of that now considered as being the thoughts of someone who is “mentally inferior”? Oh, that’s right, when it comes to defending Harley Davidson; a company that can’t logically be defended so you resort to illogical material and hope for the best.

It doesn’t work, Zeb.

Never has, never will.

You can’t use logic and common sense to defend something that is illogical and makes no sense to start with. In other words, while you cannot use hard science to prove the validity and worth of a fairy tale, you sure can use hard science to make fun of the fairy tale and those who believe in it and that is what I have been doing successfully now for a decade and a half.

“And as I stated in a previous email to you, you cite Hunter S. Thompson in some remark you claim he made about speed and fast motorcycles, yet even though you like to pretend on your website that you're so much smarter than Harley riders, you apparently failed to grasp the irony with that quotation of Hunter's, seeing how, like I said, Hunter used one of the heaviest and slowest velocity American made cartridge and bullet there is to blow his brains out, rather than using one of his other numerous firearms with a lighter and higher velocity bullet to try and do the job. Thompson used a bullet that is quite heavy and slow, a 45 ACP auto, because he apparently felt it was the best device for the purpose he intended to use it for. Likewise, Harley riders use heavier, slower bikes for the purposes THEY intend to use them for.”

You say that I apparently failed to grasp the irony with that quotation .... ? 

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

No.  I think that it is you who failed to grasp the irony of that quotation and how you decided to interpret it.  Thus we return to the start of your macabre emails and your fixation on the untimely though self-inflicted death of the late, great Hunter S. Thompson. I truly find it both disturbingly interesting and insanely bizarre that you are using the tragic circumstances and sordid details surrounding the unfortunate suicide of Hunter S. Thompson to somehow validate the personal choice of motorcycles for you and your insipid kind, to defend your overall weak position in this particular argument, and to project your own personal hate. In essence, what your logic is telling us is that if you are desirous of checking out of this life prematurely then you need to use something that is “quite heavy and slow” and that the best way to commit suicide, by doing it right the first time, is to either use a large caliber round (like a .45 ACP) or, by inference from your example of comparing handgun calibers to classes and types of bikes, a motorcycle that is quite heavy and slow (like a Harley Davidson).

The real humor of this comes from the fact that you, in turn, fail to grasp the irony of advocating that if you are going to commit suicide then the best way to do the job right the first time would be to use a big, heavy, slow object (like a Harley Davidson or a .45 ACP round) rather than a small, light, fast object (like a sport bike or a .357 magnum round).

Oh, how I am laughing at you, hillbilly.

“If they wanted a lightweight, faster bike, they would buy one. But that's not what they want, that's not the purpose for which they bought a Harley, yet you fault them for not buying a motorcycle for which they have no purpose for, for not buying one that YOU like, rather than one that THEY like.”

You are partially correct.

I fault Harley owners for not buying a motorcycle at all.  Motorcycles are for riding (which I do a great deal of).  Harley Davidsons are not motorcycles; you don't ride them so much as you wear them.  A Harley Davidson isn’t a motorcycle, Zeb, because Harley Davidson isn’t a motorcycle manufacturer anymore and they haven’t been a motorcycle manufacturer since Willie G. and his twelve disciples took the company over from AMF. You have to be a motorcycle manufacturer in order to manufacture motorcycles.  Even a simpleton like you should be able to understand that.  Harley Davidson is not a motorcycle manufacturer, they are a high end fashion provider for rednecks and retards. The purpose that Harley owners bought their bikes for is to pose and pretend.  Harley owners buy their bikes not because they are good bikes but because the bikes will get other idiots to notice them (when other idiots normally would not).  The "Harley Experience" has very little to do with "motorcycles" and everything to do with "fashion."  The purpose for which Harley owners bought their bike is to pose and pretend.  Harley Davidsons are the only motorcycle in the world that look more at home on a fashion runway than on Main Street, USA.

“And yet you think YOU'RE smarter than them.”

I don’t think that I’m smarter than the average Harley owner, Zeb… I know that I’m smarter than the average Harley owner. I know that I’m smarter than the average Harley owner because I’m not dumb enough to ever buy a Harley Davidson in the first place. I’m smarter than a Harley owner because I don’t waste hard earned money on pop culture based junk or a pretend lifestyle. I learned a long time ago how to dress myself, I don’t need Harley Davidson to tell me what to wear. I’m richer than a Harley owner because of the same reason. I’m better than a Harley owner because I think for my own self, I research my material and I make informed decisions that are not based on hear-say, urban myth, or patriotic guilt.

Empirical data proves this.

“Buddy, I don't know if you're truly for real or not, but if you are, you've mistaken your smugness, arrogance and narcissism for intelligence. You're not truly intelligent, you're simply just a somewhat neurotic asshole.”

Here's a Harley owner stating that "I don't know if you're truly real or not."  That's what we call poetic irony, a Harley owner telling someone else that they might be pretending to be something that they aren't.  I love how rich the hypocrisy is, when so much of owning a Harley Davidson is itself based around pure make-believe and outright fantasy.

What you mistakenly call “smugness,” I call self-confidence.

What you mistakenly call “arrogance,” I call self-assurance.

What you mistakenly call “narcissism,” I call highly intelligent and very well-educated.

You, in turn, have mistaken your glaring arrogance and refulgent stupidity for the dim glow of intelligence on your part. Your failures are many; you read into my site what you want to see (yet what isn’t there) and you fail to think deeply or reason logically. When you debate, you pull items from the Milwaukee Orthodoxy to use as strong points in your debate (knowing that I've already put those myths to rest long ago).

You’re not my equal, Zeb, and you’re certainly not my peer nor will you ever be. You’re simply just another ignorant Harley owner who follows a limited, predictable and humorous core mindset that permeates the flock. You subscribe to a make-believe life because you aren’t original, imaginative, or creative enough to make a life of your very own. You surround yourself with, worship and glorify prefabricated, poorly engineered pop culture shit.

I’d call you an “asshole” as well but you just aren’t that smart (because even a run of the mill asshole knows when it's time to get rid of shit rather than keep it).

“And gee, didn't I read somewhere on your website that you also own some type of Pontiac Firebird Trans Am of some sort, too? What's the purpose in that, when you could have bought some type of Jap sports car that is lighter, faster, perhaps cheaper, and gets better mileage? Isn't that rather hypocritical of you?”

Is it hypocritical of me to own a Honda CBR600RR and a Pontiac Firebird Trans Am?  

No.  

As a proud American, I love and am fascinated by America’s rich history of high performance automobiles; from the earliest hot rods in post WW2 America to ’57 Chevys to the myriad of factory muscle cars in the 1960’s.  I stand in respect of the high tech sports cars that appeared in the 1980’s through the 1990’s right up to the few remaining examples of American muscle in production today.  Owning a 1986 Trans Am would be hypocritical if my website was based on a pro-Japan / anti-American viewpoint but my website isn't based on that viewpoint.  Sadly, I see that you and those like you still don’t understand the core purpose of my website which is: pro-American, anti-stupidity.  Your most telling mistake is in believing that Harley Davidson actually represents America or American performance or American values (it represents none of those) and that making fun of Harley Davidson equates to being anti-American when in fact doing so is merely being anti-stupidity (and could be said to be pro-American).  You and those like you believe that in order to be a real American that you need to support Harley Davidson as well as believe all of the lies and myths that go hand in hand with supporting and keeping alive from year to year the Motor Company.  So complete is the brainwashing of HD's marketing department that you don't even question what they say anymore but rather take it all as verbatim and chastise or ridicule anyone who even dares to question your pitiful, ignorant system of silly beliefs.  That way of thinking is not only wrong, it is patently counter intelligent as well.  People like you are too stupid to understand that being anti-Harley is actually being pro-American and that being pro-Harley is what really equates to being anti-American.  People like you honestly and foolishly believe that Harley Davidson really does somehow (laughably) represent America when nothing could be further from the basic truth.

As for why I own the Pontiac, I have already discussed in great detail exactly why I own a 1986 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am on my not oft updated blog.  I hold a special place in my heart for the Pontiac Motor Division because Pontiac, unlike the rest of GM (and unlike Harley Davidson), never gave up on performance even in the darkest years of the 1970’s when performance became a very bad thing. Even when things looked the worst for the performance segment of the American automobile market, Pontiac never forgot its loyal customers or the fact that it was the youthful performance leader for GM. When AMC, Ford, Chrysler, Plymouth, Dodge, Oldsmobile, Buick, and Chevrolet all ran away as fast as they could from performance and started selling their cars on such esoteric points as styling, comfort and fuel economy, Pontiac stayed true to the course and produced various cars and engines that have become legendary in the annals of American automotive history as well as the history of American performance automobiles. The 400 cubic inch Ram Air I, II, III, IV, and V series of V8 engines, the 455 High Output V8, the 455 Super Duty V8 (itself a thinly disguised race ready engine sold in a stock production car through the dealership as a regular production model), and the later W72 packaged 400s that didn’t bow out of production models until 1979.  During the mid 1970's, when the biggest engine you could get in a Chevy Corvette was a 350cid V8, the Pontiac Trans Am still could be had with a torque monster 455 cubic inch V8.  The WS6 suspension and performance option package, pioneered by industry famous engineer Herb Adams in the late 1970’s, became a legend in its own right and put the Trans Am in direct competition not with the Chevy Camaro but with the Chevy Corvette and other world class super cars.  Pontiac was the first car company in the world to ever offer a regular production gas powered turbocharged V8 engine in their 1980 to 1981 Turbo Trans Ams. The smaller 4.9 liter turbocharged V8 was an important motor because it was the last of the Pontiac built V8 engines, it was a technological advancement, it could whip a Z28 with it larger 350cid V8 at the drag strip and it showed that Pontiac wasn’t scared of performance or of trying new things (again, totally unlike Harley Davidson).

Pontiac never asked permission for all the chances that it took and it never asked forgiveness either when those chances paid off (often to the Federal government and GM’s chagrin). These two traits in particular I find similar to my own behavior in life (hence my affection for classic Pontiacs from the years when Pontiac was a rebel division in GM and society as a whole). Pontiac was always a leader among its rivals as well as its siblings and Pontiac really did build excitement, for forty short wonderful years at least and in doing so, they earned a hallowed place in the halls of American automotive history (and a secure place in my garage).

But all of that is gone now and nothing remains but the pleasant memories.  There are no more Firebirds, no more Trans Ams, no more GTOs ... only ghosts and memories and the occasional carefully preserved example of an era and a time long ago seen at a local or regional car show.  If I can share some of the fond memories of my youth, if I can show others an example of a thoroughbred breed of true American GT coupe (now extinct), if I can transport other people back in time (if only for a few minutes) to an age when America built exciting cars instead of mediocre ones then I think that is important and that the effort put into both the restoration project is time well spent. When I go to a car show with my dad I take my children with me as well because I believe that it is important to share the experience, the rich history of the American automobile, with them.  My children are growing up in a world that will have no carburetors, no six-packs, no dual quads, no Rapid Transit System, no Road Runners, no Shelby GTs, no GTO Judges and if the trend continues ... no manual transmissions.  My children are already growing up in a world where Oldsmobile and Plymouth and AMC are relegated to the pages of history, it probably won't be long before Mercury and Pontiac join the ghosts of those once great car makers who went before them.  The writing is on the wall and has been for years now.

I own an American sports car powered by a high tech, American built, computer controlled port fuel injected V8 engine.  I own a breed and model of American car that is no longer produced (thus making it collectible and rare).  I also own a Japanese sport bike because America cannot build the kind of bike that I desire (as a performance enthusiast). I would be a hypocrite if I owned a Pontiac Firebird Trans Am (a high performance car) and a Harley Davidson (not a high performance bike), not a TA (high performance car) and a Honda CBR (high performance bike) because owning the TA and a Harley would mean that I knew nothing of performance, of evolving technology or of history (and how it tends to repeat itself). Owning a 20 plus year old Pontiac Firebird Trans Am and a 18 year later Honda CBR600RR does not make me a hypocrite, it makes me a performance enthusiast and a patriot who was let down by the country which he dearly loves when it comes to owning a domestic built high performance motorcycle.

If you really have to ask why I own a 1986 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am, why don’t you go find someone who owns an old GTO Judge, a restored Chevelle SS, or a bad ass Plymouth Barracuda and ask them the same question.   Chances are, they’ll tell you the exact same thing that I just told you. If you don’t know why I own a 1986 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am then chances are that you’ve never owned an American built V8 powered high performance sports car and chances are if you own a Harley Davidson or believe in lies that keep the Motor Company afloat then you really don’t know the first thing about high performance, especially American high performance.

Do you know what five of the best things about owning my '86 Trans Am are?

1)    It's completely paid for.

2)    Full insurance is dirt cheap.

3)    Car tag costs almost nothing per year (in a state that bases your car tag price on what your vehicle costs).

4)    No one else around me has one.

5)    Repair parts (small block Chevy) are cheap and readily available just about anywhere.

One of the greatest joys in life is driving a car that is paid for.  Having a car that is completely paid for also means that I can spend far more of my hard earned money on other things that are important to me in life such as my art, my models, my writing and all the rest of my hobbies.

So, in closing we come back to the basic question of "how is owning a Pontiac Firebird Trans Am really all that different than owning a Harley Davidson?"  That's an easy question to answer; unlike Harley Davidson or any of its ridiculous products, the Pontiac Firebird continually evolved over the last five decades (the 1960's, 1970's, 1980's, 1990's, and early 2000's) from its start in 1967 to its untimely finish in 2002 which means that the Pontiac Firebird was always a contender ... never a pretender. 

That in and of itself is probably the greatest and most important difference of all between a Harley Davidson and my Pontiac Trans Am.

“People buy Harley's because they LIKE Harleys for various reasons over rice burners, no matter how fast and light the rice burner is. Therefore when you learn someday that there are many other things that appeal to human beings besides cost, light weight and high speed, perhaps then you will have pulled your head out of your ass and learned something more than just these three things.”

People buy Harleys because they HAVE to buy Harleys because the people who do buy Harleys are incomplete as human beings and need a trendy, noisy, flashy artificial object to draw attention to what the rest of the human race had already labeled as a "loser" and subsequently discarded as being not worth talking to or interacting with.  People have to buy Harleys because they are too weak to stand on their own, to make a statement with their own lives so they have to have an artificial product to do that for them.  People buy Harleys because paying for a life is a lot easier than actually earning one the old fashioned way.  People are, by and large, stupid and don't know any better.  Stupidity has always been popular with the lesser educated, Zeb, because it requires so very little effort on the part of the participant.  Once Harley learned to not only produce stupidity but to market it and sell it as well, their success was assured (especially since the entire company had a rich history of stupidity and their product line mirrored their management decisions).

Now, as for learning things ... I’ve learned one thing from our discussion and that is that you are a total fucking idiot and I’m pretty sure that in your case the condition is irreversible short of possibly a complete brain transplant. Perhaps it is you who has his head up his ass in which case I have some wonderful news for you!  I postulate that the perfect material needed for your brain transplant can be readily found within mere inches of the current location of your skull. The really good news is that, in regard to the materials used, your brain transplant will be a cheap operation and in your case you’re pretty much guaranteed of coming out of the process being at least twice as smart as you are now by just replacing the contents of your skull with the material found deep inside your rectum.

Zeb attempting DIY at-home brain transplant surgery
with predictably mixed results.

Rice burner.

I guess you would think of the Italian made Ducatis as “pizza burners” or “spaghetti burners.” What are British made bikes? Tea burners? Nothing shows a greater amount of ignorance than when a Harley owner calls a Japanese made bike a “rice burner.” To me, that would be like you referring to all black people as “cotton pickers.” It’s a negative stereotype used by small minded people and I for one have vowed to stop referring to my bike as a “rice burner.” My Honda is not a “rice burner,” it is a high tech, well engineered, competition bred piece of high performance hardware and America doesn’t have the technology, the engineering or the brains to build something as advanced as the 2004 Honda CBR600RR.  Why should they when morons like you will buy something that has half the power and twice the weight for double the price of what my CBR costs?

I guess if we’re going to refer to bikes by products that they do not burn (but by products which remind us in a stereotypical way of the kinds of people who build our bikes) that we need to come up with a new descriptive and insulting name for Harley Davidsons in general. Since Harley Davidsons are built by gap toothed hillbillies and since the word that comes to mind, when you say “Harley Davidson” is “agricultural” then I propose that we start referring to Harley Davidsons as “cud burners".  Like I've said before, Harleys are so big and slow that I'm surprised that you actually ride them rather than line them up to be milked. 

Do you know what's the first accessory you really need to add when you buy a brand new Harley? 

A cowbell. 

Yes, I think a shiny chrome cowbell on a hemp rope around the front windshield would be the perfect accessory for a Harley.  After all, the world needs more cowbell.

For what it is worth, Japanese bikes don’t burn rice but since you’re a Harley owner and you’ve shown yourself to be rather ignorant, I’ll understand if the whole scientific and mechanical process of “internal combustion” is little more than black magic to you and that the concept of "fire" still perplexes you to no end.  People buy Harleys not because a Harley is a good bike or because the company is something to be proud of in regards to all things American (heritage, performance, competition, success, innovation, etc.). People don’t buy Harleys because they are technologically advanced bikes or because the Motor Company has won championship after championship, year after year in world class competition.

No.

People buy Harleys because they buy into the pop culture myths that Harley Davidson spins in order to survive as a fashion provider (because it was clear that after AMF they were no longer a motorcycle manufacturer). People buy Harleys because they are willing to trade power for noise, safety for fashion, engineering for style and individuality for group comfort and belongingness. People buy Harleys because they have no lives and they need someone else to show them, step by step, exactly how to have a life (though not one of their very own) and to pretend that it is their very own. People buy Harleys because they don’t understand the history of the motorcycle or the true history of Harley Davidson. People buy Harley Davidsons because they feel that they are doing something good for their country when all they are really doing is rewarding failure, punishing success and voting with their hard earned dollars to remain in last place for decades to come if not forever.

People buy Harleys to draw attention to their selves, attention that they could not normally generate on their own through their own God-given personality or charisma. People buy Harleys not because they want to, but because they need to. People buy Harleys because their lives are devoid of substance and they really need something to fill that void. People buy Harleys because they want to be noticed, they need to be noticed and they’re willing to pay for having that attention given to them.

“Keep making me laugh while telling everyone how much smarter you are than Harley owners, while you use your spell checker to try and convince everyone what a great speller and writer you are as well (as though such a thing really matters to people having fun riding Harleys). You're quite a case study in neurotic, sociopathic narcissism.”

You are correct in that spelling, grammar and even a basic elementary education aren't really important to the kind of people who ride Harleys because people who are prone to buying into the Milwaukee mindset are, by and large, uneducated and ignorant to begin with (if not a bit superstitious and completely gullible as well).  Most of the retards who email me can't even spell the name of the bike they worship correctly (isn't it a good thing that tattoo artists are smarter and better educated than their customers?).  Harleys stop being "cool" once you move from junior high into high school and discover things like fast cars and hot girls.  If someone actually had a high school education, a functioning high school education, then they wouldn't be a Harley owner in the first place (they'd be too smart to be one).  Writing?  I'd be surprised if, when it came time to sign the purchase agreement that the average Harley owner could do more than make an "X" where they were supposed to sign their full Christian name.  I've seen Harley owners emailing me, mistake after mistake.  You can't convince me that smart people own Harleys ... I've seen too much evidence to the contrary over the last decade and a half.

If you make numerous spelling errors online or in your email, chances are better than great that you do the same in real life as well. You can’t be ignorant on the Internet and smart in real life while using the excuse of “it doesn’t matter because it’s on the Internet and the Internet doesn’t count!” That’s like saying that if you’re stupid on the phone it doesn’t count because you’re actually really smart if you were face to face and talking with someone standing in front of you. If you’re stupid in email (or on the phone) then you’re going to be stupid in real life as well. One aspect mirrors the other. If you can’t spell or write on the Internet (using a keyboard) then you’re not going to be spelling and writing like a scholar in real life either or as I like to think of it; "keyboards cause spelling errors online like pencils and pens cause spelling errors on paper."

Perhaps if your kind spent less time polishing and towing your bikes everywhere, posing and preening, posturing like peacocks, pretending to be something you can't be and you spent more time bettering yourselves through education, reading and writing …

No, perish the thought.

If you did that then Harley Davidson would go out of business within a few years. Like I’ve said before, Harley Davidson has made a financial empire out of doing business with clueless morons and gullible idiots.  Harley Davidson doesn’t want you to get educated because an educated Harley owner is a soon to be ex-Harley owner.  You can't be smart and own a Harley, one is the anathema of the other.  To put it simply, the acronyms "HD" and "IQ" simply cannot be used anywhere near each other because they are direct opposites.  Yes, while there is no "IQ" or "SMART" or "EDUCATED" or "INTELLIGENT" to be found in "Harley Davidson" you can easily find the letters that spell out "L-O-S-E-R."  Here, I've highlighted them for you: HARLEY DAVIDSON.

 When it comes to stupid people and Harley Davidson, I guess there really is some truth behind the old saying of “simple minds, simple pleasures.”  Carry on in your store bought ignorance, Zeb. Your ignorance is a lot like your Harley, you bought it so you might as well wear it and enjoy it as long as you’re still making payments on it.

“And BTW, if you're so gosh darn smart like you try to insinuate, and you care so much about your hard work and about how far your dollars go, like you stated, then what is a 'genius' like you doing working as a 'low-paid' police officer, when you could be using your time and hard work to make more money in a more lucrative job? You're not going to tell me that you're a cop because you LIKE being a cop regardless of the money, are you, that there's more to life than just money, hmmmmm?”

Oh, there's far more to life than money, Zeb, far, far more!  If you don't realize that then you're in for a long, hard life.  Money isn't everything, far from it, but it sure is nice to have, isn't it?  If you spend all of your time chasing after money, you've missed a great deal of life.  So much of the truly great things in life are free.  Love.  Family.  Children.  Friends.  Long kisses.  Sunsets laced in orange, pink and purple.  A tall glass of iced sweet tea after a hard day at the office.  The crackle of a good fire on a Winter's night as you slowly drink amaretto and hot chocolate while listening to classical music.  The laughter of your children as you play with them.  The wind through a tall oak tree on a midsummer day.  The smell of honeysuckle in full bloom wafting through your full face helmet when you ride your bike slowly through the country in Spring time.  The smell in the air after a good Summer rain.  These are a few of my favorite things ...  So many of the best things in life are free.  So many of the best things in life you couldn't buy for all the money in the world.

Oh, I forget. 

Your love is given to an inanimate object, your family is rented and your friends are a subscription based asset so yes, I can see where a large flow of steady money would be so very important to you.  Without money, your life dissolves all around you in quick order.  When you surround yourself with material goods, especially high priced low quality material goods, then money really does become something of a necessity for you, doesn't it?

Sigh.  I really hate newbies to my site because it makes me to have to repeat myself and that is just something that I really detest doing in real life or on the Internet; call it a pet peeve. I really hate people who don’t understand the first time and who can’t take the time to read and figure out basic truths. I’m a multi-talented individual, Zeb, and being a police officer is one of my professions.

One.

I'm not a cop because I have to be ... I'm a cop because I can be.

My main profession, the profession that pays all the bills, puts clothes on the family, puts food on the table and buys my sports cars, my sport bikes, and all the other high tech stuff which I profess to care for … my main most profession is that of an IT professional. IT as in “Information Technology.” That’s a big word that means that I’m a powerful "wizard" who uses strong "magic" to work on beeping boxes with lots of blinking lights and soft whirring noises. Professional as in “college educated with a BS degree in Business and over 30 years of experience in the field of computers, networks, hardware and software.”

I’ve been involved with computers since I was 7 years old (way back in 1976 when "PONG" was the only home video game) and it is a love affair that has been very lucrative throughout the years. Currently, I am 38 years old and I hold one of the top IT jobs in my state. In my area alone I am at the very top and I had that position when I was only 27 years old, not too bad for a ‘genius’ just four years out of college, huh?  Today, I am in charge of several hundred computers, over a thousand users and multiple wide area networks spread over several thousand square miles. Wireless or cable, you name it and I'm in charge of it.  I know why Alexander the Great wept when he had no more to conquer, he was so young and he’d reached the pinnacle of his career. I feel his pain. Work hard, rise fast, get your network and office to where it almost runs itself then sit tight and coast easy for three decades until the end of your career and you can retire and all you have to do is just keep up with emerging technology and its impact  on your area of responsibility. It’s a good plan if you can pull it off like I did. Anyway, that’s my Monday through Friday job, my day job, my Average Joe in the Grand Design on a steady payroll type job and the money is very, very good.

Nights and weekends I volunteer my spare time as a reserve police officer in the city where I live. Aha, you will say! You are nothing but a pretend police officer! I’m surprised you didn’t resort to the Barney Fife stereotype but I guess you weren’t that smart enough to see the obvious angle that so many of your other inbred brethren have. Now, the only difference between a “reserve” police officer and a “regular” police officer is that the reserve officer gets to make their own hours, we get to choose when we work and we don’t get paid. Zip, zilch, zero. Other than that, reserve officers use the same equipment, drive the same Police Interceptor, deal with the same danger, do the same paperwork, have the same authority, and have the same responsibility. I’m the same as a regular cop or LEO except I don’t work as many hours and I take home nothing but the satisfaction that I’ve given something back to my community.

I also work part time as the security officer for the area hospital / ER and trauma center. I’ve held the police job and the security job since 2000. I freelance my various and sundry skills on the side for fun and profit, when my schedule allows and the situation / job offer is interesting. I thought that I was jaded before I pinned a badge on my chest, but the stuff that I’ve seen has really frosted my soul and jaded me beyond my wildest dreams. Dealing with pedophiles, drug addicts, rape victims, molested children, attempted suicides, accident victims, psychos, murderers, burn victims, overdoses, the slowly dying, etc. has really made me cast a cold eye on the human race, especially the stupider parts of the human race (people like you) who think that you can buy your pathetic make-believe lives off a store shelf rather than earn your life like the rest of us normal people do; by hard work, blood, sweat and tears.

So, to burst your bubble of false assumption, I don’t make one cent from being a cop. I just feel that it is something that any man or woman who has the skill and ability to do should do, in order to give something back to the community where they live. I think everyone who is able to should volunteer and wear a badge without pay for a few years. If they did, then attitudes on law enforcement would change quickly and communities would be far better for it. If people got to see the problems lurking in the dark and underground rather than shut their doors and windows, ignoring it and hoping it would all go away then communities might be better places.

Law enforcement has always been a respected American career and it surprises me that so many Harley owners have such blatant ire for law enforcement officers. I guess it all ties into the make-believe lifestyle that you live and support, the “outlaw” image that you have to live up to because you paid the price for admission and you feel that you need to get your money's worth. For a group of people who proudly profess to be such die-hard Americans, I’ve noticed that you really have a distinct hatred of law enforcement and police officers.  Oh, sorry, you have a distinct hatred for anyone who doesn't think exactly like you do, be they law enforcement or what have you.  I find that to be rather un-American (like most of Harley Davidson) and hypocritical but then the whole Harley lifestyle is hypocritical in its makeup and its outlook.

Yes, when it comes to being a “low-paid” police officer, I’m at the absolute rock bottom of low pay, Zeb, mainly because I wear a badge and put my life on the line for free.  When I'm not doing that, trust me, I'm making all the money I need.

“Which means, then, that you're no different than Harley owners who aren't in it for the speed, but because like you, it's what they LIKE to do.”

What a tragically humorous and decidedly ignorant misconception you fervently embrace! Interesting! This has some definite potential for mirth so let’s play with it for what it is worth. You have given me so much to play with in your emails that I really should be thanking you for sending them but thanks would imply a certain amount of respect for you, a substance to which I will truthfully admit to having none at all.

So you think that because I’m a police officer and that is what I like to do (without pay) that it is the same thing as owning a Harley and forfeiting speed and performance (but clearly gaining style and fashion in return). You really do cross some strange borders and fuzzy lines in your pathetic attempt to justify your poor choices and your sad existence, don’t you? You liken the details of the suicide of a great writer to why you own a Harley Davidson, you equate owning a Pontiac Firebird to owning a Harley Davidson and now you compare being a law enforcement officer to owning a Harley Davidson. The one thing that you have failed to compare with owning a Harley Davidson is severe mental retardation because being severely mentally retarded is the closest thing that you can ever get to the experience of owning a Harley Davidson.

Okay, for argument’s sake, let’s pretend that I’m a police officer for the same reasons that you own a Harley. Let’s pretend that because I wear a badge that I am somehow magically just like you (not likely but then we are assuming the presence of magic for this particular point in our discussion). Yes, if I was like you and the other Harley owners …

I’d be a police officer because I really like to dress up like the cops I see in the movies and on the TV shows.

I’d be a police officer because I like to be seen in public driving a big cop car with all the lights, sirens and gear on it.

I'd be a police officer because people would like me for being a police officer and I'd have lots of friends who were cops.

I’d be a police officer because I liked to blare the sound of the siren on the car in traffic and anywhere else I could find an excuse to cut that loud mo-fo on. I’d live for the look that other people give me when they see the lights and hear the siren as I go by. It would make me feel important and I’d do it as often as I could, especially at intersections and in heavy stop-and-go traffic.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, then my cop car would be a direct copy of a 1958 Ford cop car in nearly every aspect even though it would be sold as a 2006 model for 2006 model prices.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, then I would spend eight hours per twelve hour shift polishing my duty belt, my boots, looking at my uniform in the full length mirror and washing, waxing and detailing my Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, then I’d get cop tattoos up and down both arms and all over my back and chest and swear allegiance for life to my police department.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, I’d name my son “Ford” and my daughter “Victoria.”

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, once I had a brand new Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor then I’d go out and spend $15,000 modifying it with genuine Ford accessories and performance parts so that it was louder and more stylish (and adding 200 pounds of weight to it in the process).  If you asked me why it wasn't fast, I'd tell you that I didn't become a cop to go fast.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, I’d only go on patrol if five or more other cops were out on patrol and we’d ride around everywhere together, flashing our blue lights and blaring our sirens so that ordinary people would notice us. We’d all park together at restaurants, slowly backing our Crown Vics into parking spots in front of the establishment then we’d blare our sirens together in unison before shutting them off, just to announce to everyone the fact that the cops had arrived and that we were totally bad ass.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, I’d go to far away annual cop conventions and I would use a pickup truck and a big trailer to tow my Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor there. Once I got to the convention, I’d unload my car, drive it up to the convention and then brag about what a long, hard drive I had to get there.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, I would want to keep the miles on my 2006 Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor to as few as possible so that in five years it would have a high resale value. After all, a Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor is a good financial investment.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, I’d brag about how smart it was that the city purchased a Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor instead of some stupid import sedan because the Ford is an American built police car and the city can use the Ford for five years then sell it for what they paid for it which means that they got to use it for FREE … or some other easily mathematically disproved nonsense that defies all the laws of business and the market place.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, then the police department would require me to buy my own Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor, all of my gear, my uniform, my badge and that I pay them for the right to wear a badge and serve my community.  Even after all of this, I'd still be proud to be a police officer and I'd swear lifelong allegiance to my police department.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, I’d be a member of a local cop club, we’d call it COP (“Citizens On Patrol”) or perhaps PIG (“Pride Integrity Guts”) and we’d have chapters in every city around the nation and the world.  Our patches would be what made us so bad-ass.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, then I’d litter my life with stupid cop brand toys, drink cop brand coffee, buy cop brand beef jerky, wear cop brand cologne, smoke cop brand cigarettes, plop my fat cop ass down on a cushy cop brand toilet seat cover, sleep in cop brand PJs on cop brand bed sheets, and have a host of other cop oriented (though not cop duty related) items like cop brand beer mugs, cop brand Monopoly sets, cop brand Barbie dolls and cop brand telephones. If someone asked me why the police department promotes so many things that have the PD emblem on them but have absolutely no relation to being a cop, I’d respond with something witty like “What’s your problem, faggot?! That’s called “capitalism” and it’s the American way! What are you, some kind of stupid, pinko American hating commie loving, slant eyed, Islamic terrorist cum gulping gook whore?! Fuck you!  Cops forever!”

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson then I’d brag about being a cop all the time to whoever cared to listen (and some who don’t). I’d flash my badge any chance I could to impress people and I would cover my desk, my office, and my home in nothing but PD related items like calendars, screen savers, posters, etc. so that there was no way that anyone could ever not know that I wasn’t a cop.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, then I’d put the PD logo all over my personal vehicle as well. I’d have a tag bracket with the PD logo on it, a trailer hitch cover with the PD logo on it, a PD logo decal in the rear window, a PD logo bumper sticker with something witty on it like “my other ride is a cop car”, a PD logo air freshener and a PD logo front tag.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, then the most powerful police car that I could drive would have an American made frame but the powertrain would be made by a German company.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, my uniform, vest and boots would be made in China and tailored for fashion rather than safety or function.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, my SWAT helmet wouldn’t be a Kevlar model with a fragment proof safety eye shield.  No, it would be a chrome half helmet with little witty cop stickers all over it and I’d wear a pair of Oakleys for eye protection.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, a red, white and blue or solid black bandanna would be an essential part of my duty uniform and might even replace my SWAT helmet on long missions.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, I’d put in a custom set of pedals so that I could drive my Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor with one leg on the driver’s side and one leg stretched over into the passenger side floor board.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, my preferred duty carry sidearm would be a Smith and Wesson .38 Special revolver.  If you ever asked me why I didn’t carry something modern like a semiautomatic Glock or a USP, I’d tell you to go fuck yourself and get a REAL gun. Hell, if the .38 Special was good enough for my grand pappy and my daddy then it’s good enough for me!

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson, the engine and exhaust system of my cop car would be tuned for specific sound rather than any real world performance.  I might not be able to catch very many criminals in a high speed chase but damn would my cop car sound good when it was chasing after them and that is all that really matters in the end.  Ford would also try to trademark the sound of the Crown Victoria's engine and exhaust and prevent other manufacturers from building an engine that sounds identical.

If I was a cop for the same reasons that you and those like you ride a Harley Davidson then I’d justify my entire existence by using stupid cop quotes like …

    “Live to police. Police to live.”

    "It's not the crime scene that's important, it's the drive to the crime scene."

    “Over 90 % of the criminals that I’ve put behind bars are still behind bars today.”

    “I’d rather push a cop car than drive a Ferrari.”

    “Loud sirens save lives.”

    “Why don’t you get a REAL gun?!”

    “Women really like me because I’m a law enforcement officer.”

    “My badge gets me laid more than you.”

    “Real men are law enforcement officers.”

    "You're don't like cops because you're gay."

    “All veterans become law enforcement officers.”

    “You make fun of my badge because you aren't man enough to wear one.”

    “Remember! If you ain’t a cop, you ain’t shit!”

Whew!

That was a lot of fun!

No, Zeb. I’m different than you because not only am I well educated, very intelligent, extremely funny and very well rounded but I also make a difference where I live in the community that I call home. I’m different than you because not only can I support my family and aid my community but I can do each without worrying about sacrificing the other. I’m different than you and those like you because I live my own life, not rent someone else’s idea of what my life should be like.

I do what I do not because I LIKE doing what I do, but because I CAN do what I am doing and I feel that it is my responsibility as a citizen of my community, as a natural born American citizen, to give something back to my community based on the gifts, talents, and skills that God has so richly blessed me with.

I base my existence on what I do. You base your existence on what you own. I’m an American by right of birth while you and those like you are Americans by choice of brand. That is what makes me different than you and that is what makes me better than you. If there were far more Americans like me and far less Americans like you then this country would be in a hell of a lot better shape than it is at this current point in time. This I do most solemnly believe.

Have a nice day, 'genius.'

You too, ignorant hillbilly.
 

__________  Zeb Part III  __________

From:            Zeb <Zebebeb@hotmail.com>
To:                 me
Subject:       
Date:             Nov 1, 2007

“BTW, genius, I found a spelling error in at least one part of your writings. I will highlight it for you, Einstein:


"...Why don’t you see 200,000 mile ‘Jap’ bikes when you see 122,000 mile Harleys? Because people like change. People buy change. There is very little difference between a Harley Sportster from 1985 and one from 2001. Maybe some cosmetics, but on a day to day scale, their almost identical bikes. You take a 1984 Honda VF500F Interceptor (Honda’s premier lightweight sportbike back then) and you compare it to the 2003 Honda CBR600F4I and you’ll find light years of difference in performance, handling, construction, materials, geometry of design, etc. And with that difference comes a substantial difference in price, you pay for technology, you don’t pay for stagnation (unless you’re an ignorant Harley owner with far too much money and no brains). Would I pay $6000 for a 2001 VF500F Interceptor if it was built the best it could be, according to 1985 technology? No, you would have to be a fool to do so. Would I buy the logical evolution of the VF500F Interceptor; the CBR600F4I, if it was built using the latest materials, production technology, engine, suspension, and computer controlled fuel injection systems? In a heartbeat!..." - Chrissy

http://www.goingfaster.com/angst/harleypete.html

It's "they're almost identical bikes," not "their almost identical bikes."

Looks like your spell checker strategy failed you, seeing how it's spelled right but just the wrong word. The spell checker has no way of 'knowing' that, tehe.”

“And BTW, genius, I had to laugh at you stating how other's should "feel silly" that you called someone's bluff by you putting your address and phone number on your website. The truth is that actually YOU should "feel silly" that you WENT for their bluff and foolishly put your address and phone number up on a website where any psycho can then turn it against you and your supposed 'wife,' etc.

Is there something I'm missing here? you disclose YOUR personal information and thus jeopardize your safety and privacy and then asks others "don't YOU feel silly" for you doing so.”


“Man, you're even dumber than you already looked so far.”

Happy trails, dingleberry.

Zeb.


BTW, anytime you don't want my emails just tell me, and they will permanently cease.

 

_________________

To which I replied

_________________

“BTW, genius, I found a spelling error in at least one part of your writings. I will highlight it for you, Einstein:


"...Why don’t you see 200,000 mile ‘Jap’ bikes when you see 122,000 mile Harleys? Because people like change. People buy change. There is very little difference between a Harley Sportster from 1985 and one from 2001. Maybe some cosmetics, but on a day to day scale, their almost identical bikes. You take a 1984 Honda VF500F Interceptor (Honda’s premier lightweight sportbike back then) and you compare it to the 2003 Honda CBR600F4I and you’ll find light years of difference in performance, handling, construction, materials, geometry of design, etc. And with that difference comes a substantial difference in price, you pay for technology, you don’t pay for stagnation (unless you’re an ignorant Harley owner with far too much money and no brains). Would I pay $6000 for a 2001 VF500F Interceptor if it was built the best it could be, according to 1985 technology? No, you would have to be a fool to do so. Would I buy the logical evolution of the VF500F Interceptor; the CBR600F4I, if it was built using the latest materials, production technology, engine, suspension, and computer controlled fuel injection systems? In a heartbeat!..." - Chrissy

http://www.goingfaster.com/angst/harleypete.html

It's "they're almost identical bikes," not "their almost identical bikes."

Looks like your spell checker strategy failed you, seeing how it's spelled right but just the wrong word. The spell checker has no way of 'knowing' that, tehe.”

“Tehe?”

I am wholly unfamiliar with that particular word in regard to the English language. Perhaps you are speaking Hillbillyonics or some other rural bred pseudo-cultural dialect.  Perhaps “Tehe” is a small yet strategically important village in the Iraqi theater of operations or perhaps you meant to spell out the comical word “tee-hee” as in the kind of laugh that an eight year old girl emits when she’s giddy with excitement.

So, you found a simple grammar error on my site and it was in Pete’s reply?

Great Willie G's Willy!  I hope you pa