Studies have shown that you are using only  10% of your total brain capacity...   (3% if you are a NASCAR fan)

Mind if I screw with the other 90% of it?

wpeC5.jpg (9935 bytes)
optipessimism: looking forward to seeing the dumb in people.

BLACK ECHO'S views on life as he sees it.



From the "Common sense is gone and it isn't ever coming back" file

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Here's a great idea!  We found an Al Qaeda terrorist cell,
we've taken most of them into custody, now let's allow them to post bail!



If Radio Shack ever merged with Victoria's Secret, we could probably
look forward to inventions like remote control top pantyhose.


From the "Strange but true! Tolkien character caught abusing human child on video camera" file

Here's an idea!  Carry your child out to the car, look around carefully to see if anyone is watching you,
and then beat the hell out of your child all the while you don't know you are being tracked
by store security and getting taped by their external cameras.  What a moron.

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Madelyne Gorman or Madelyne Toogood.
Apparently she wasn't toogood to her daughter.

I think we have our next Ms. America contestant here.
She has a prior criminal record, she has three kids,
no husband, she shoplifts,  she tries to return stolen
merchandise for money, and she and her family
are referred to as 'nomads'.

I say "crack-ho pixie elf".

Now where have I seen her picture before...

legolas.jpg (17733 bytes)

That's right!  That's not a woman, it's Legolas from "The Lord of the Rings"
The first time I saw Toogood's picture, my first thought was:

"Oh My God!  They're after Legolas!"

Isn't "Toogood" an elven name?   Could be.


Someone has pictures of Chelsea Clinton in an 'aroused' state? Eewwww.


From the "Leather and Lace" file

TORONTO, Canada (Reuters) -- Seven men who bared all in Toronto's Gay Pride Parade have been cleared of public nudity charges because they were wearing shoes, their lawyer said Thursday.

The men, from a social group calling itself Totally Naked Toronto Men Enjoying Nudity (TNT!MEN), were arrested and charged under Canada's Criminal Code after they marched in the annual festival wearing only footwear -- and sunscreen.

But prosecutors dropped the charges this week after conceding there was no reasonable prospect of a conviction, said lawyer Peter Simm, a TNT!MEN member himself.

Don't think there's any conflict of interest there.  Nope. -BE

Simm said his clients were technically not naked.

Oh, right.  They were wearing shoes over their cocks! I don't know about this world.  I guess if we had been able to see their toes, then that would have been considered to be obscene.  TNT!MEN: Bwahahahahahaha! -BE


Gimp and I were on the road the other day discussing what we were going to do on payday. I said that I wanted to take Cindy out to eat and maybe go see a movie, like the new Vin Diesel movie "XXX" which promised brain numbing entertainment delivered with startling alacrity.

Gimp said that he wanted to see Austin Powers 3, and I agreed. Then Gimp said that he would probably just go out and buy a DVD instead. When I asked him what DVD, he said "Predator II". I told him that Predator II sucked, and that the first one was much better.

"Yeah, but Predator II was where the predator smashed up that bathroom and used all the marble and debris to make a poultice to heal himself." Gimp said.

A long silence as I slowly rolled my head to look at his grinning face.

"Man. Did I just use the word "poultice" in a complete sentence?" Gimp laughed.

"Yes, and that is the word for the day. Poultice." I replied.



September 11, 2001 can't be all that bad...

I mean, think about it, John Cougar Mellencamp still hasn't written a song about it.


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If the TRANSFORMERS were produced today, I'd bet that Optimus Prime
would either be pulling a TYSON or a WAL-MART semi-trailer behind him.


I've got a theory.  All the really good inventions are being invented by time travelers.  These people are from the future, they steal the plans to stuff like Sony Walkmans, CD players, Nintendo Game Boys, etc. in the future, stuff that is really common and cheap and then they come back in time and invent these things before they were really invented, then these time travelers get filthy rich and live here among us like kings.

Of course, no one else believes this, which makes me think that these inventors also brought back some kind of mind control ray projectors with them.


I see where scientists have learned that you can get the West Nile virus from blood transfusions.

Duh?! Next thing you know, they'll be telling you that you can get it from public toilet seats.


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I think we should force all the Al Qaeda prisoners down at the POW camp
down there in Cuba to watch THE CARE BEARS MOVIE.


Naw. I think having to watch THE CARE BEARS MOVIE just once is considered
cruel and inhumane and is forbidden specifically by the articles of the Geneva Convention.

However, maybe if we showed THE CARE BEARS MOVIE as the only movie available
on American airline flights, we'd never have to worry about some Islamic extremist hijacking the plane.


The problem with this country is that there is way too much heavy-handed liberal bias masquerading as open discussion and free inquiry. The big lie is that you are to believe that the liberals are opening the minds of people to think deeper when all these liberal twits are doing is shoving their particular point of view down your throats and then pretending that they are in turn unafraid to hear every side of the argument when in reality they are scared to death to be proven wrong, which generally doesn't take much logic or reason to do so.


I was in the grocery story the other day, getting a carton of milk.  On the side of the carton, under the 'HAVE YOU SEEN ME' I thought there needed to be a picture of Bruce Hornsby and the Range.

Anyone remember them?

They were only slightly less annoying than Spandau Ballet.


From the "I got a grant from the government to produce shit and call it art" file

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NEW YORK (AP) -- A statue of a falling woman -- designed as a memorial to those who jumped or fell to their death from the World Trade Center -- was abruptly draped in cloth and curtained off Wednesday because of complaints that it was too disturbing.

"We apologize if anyone was upset or offended by the display of this sculpture. It was certainly not our intent. The piece will be removed this evening," said Suzanne Halpin, spokeswoman for Rockefeller Center.

Eric Fischl's bronze, "Tumbling Woman," depicts a naked woman with arms and legs flailing. It went on view about a week ago in the lower concourse at Rockfeller Center and was supposed to remain on display through Monday.

I'm sorry.  I just don't remember any naked women jumping out of the World Trade Center on September 11th, Mr. Fischl.  Oh, I guess this is 'artistic license' in that you want to produce a statue of a naked woman, and then say it is in honor of the WTC.  What a bunch of crap! How much money did we tax payers have to shell out for this junk? -BE

Numerous news photos captured images of desperate people leaping to their deaths as the 110-story towers burned.

And not one of them was NAKED! -BE

Some passers-by in Rockefeller Center complained that the sculpture was too graphic.

No.  Graphic would have been if it had depicted what the naked woman looked like once she landed after falling from 110 stories.  THAT would be graphic.  A naked body twisted at the torso isn't 'graphic'.  It's a naked body twisted at the torso, set on its head, and called 'art'.  It was probably paid for with a grant from the government secured by some bleeding heart liberal who thought this would go a long way towards the 'healing process'. -BE

"The sculpture was not meant to hurt anybody. It was a sincere expression of deepest sympathy for the vulnerability of the human condition." —Sculptor Eric Fischl

It was a naked woman, turned upside down, and then relabeled as something to do with the WTC bombing when it had nothing to do with the WTC bombing to begin with.  You were just trying to get your art recognized by attaching it to a very recognizable media event.  I think I'll go take a picture of a Barbie Doll as I drop it off the roof of my house and call it a 'memorial to the victims of 9/11".  It would make as much sense as your sculpture.  Only the Barbie Doll I would use would be wearing clothes. Maybe I should set her clothes on fire and burn off some of her face and her hair to make it more realistic when I drop her.  -BE

"I don't think it dignifies their deaths," said Paul Labb. "It's not art. It is very disrupting when you see it."

Yeah, and she's naked.  How many naked women jumped to their deaths on 9/11/2001? That's the disturbing part, not that the statue is naked, but that it is a naked statue representing the people who jumped or fell to their deaths. -BE

Some onlookers said there is a need for art that captures the horror of September 11.

And some people say that a crucifix in a cup of urine is art.  "Some onlookers"? Like how many onlookers said that there needed to be a statue of a naked woman to represent the horror of the event?  Could we be a little more specific.  That's a weak ass defense statement.  "Well, some people said I needed to make a naked woman to represent those who jumped to their deaths from the WTC."  Yeah, like maybe three people said that, and they were on crack.  Seriously.  Who in their right mind looked at the images and the tragedy of September 11 and said "You know, a naked statue of a woman falling to her death would really memorialize this occasion."   I've got your answer.  NO ONE. -BE

"I don't think that it's done in bad taste," Christine Defonces said before the statue was covered. "It's an artist's reaction to what happened."

Oh, that's right.   It's ART, so that makes it OK.  I think I'll go get a chunk of concrete and toss some red paint on it and call it a dedication to the people who jumped from the WTC on that day. -BE

"The sculpture was not meant to hurt anybody," Fischl said in a statement. "It was a sincere expression of deepest sympathy for the vulnerability of the human condition. Both specifically toward the victims of Sept. 11 and toward humanity in general."

There were NO NAKED VICTIMS, Fischl!  You had an old statue of a naked woman doing nothing but sitting around your studio apartment gathering dust and you decided that if you turned it on its head, and you called it a "sincere expression of deepest sympathy for the vulnerability of the human condition" that you could hock it off on a bunch of liberal sheep as 'art'.  I'm not buying it and I'm glad that my personal tax dollars didn't go to fund that.  What a load of touchy feely liberal horseshit.  I bet this guy got a $50,000 tax payer dollars grant to drag this piece of shit out of his warehouse, blow the dust off of it, turn it upside down, and call it a memorial to the victims. -BE


From the "This is funnier than hell" file with a copy found in the "What Goes Around Comes Around" file also

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Please give a big round of applause for our two latest confirmed political LOSERS.
They were losers before they left office, but now that they are gone, they are even bigger losers.

I've highlighted the parts of this story that I thought were important to note and commented on others.

WASHINGTON — Participants in this month's Congressional Black Caucus conference say the defeat of two black House members in bitter primaries not only suggests a widening rift with Jewish Democrats, but trouble within the Democratic Party itself.

"People were talking retaliation," said Ron Walters, the director of the African American Leadership Institute at the University of Maryland, of last week's CBC events in Washington. "They were saying [presidential hopeful] Sen. Joe Lieberman is dead in the water, and so on and so forth."

It's the Man that be bringing us down!  "Presidential hopeful Senator Joe Lieberman?"   Yikes!  You mean that there might possibly one day be a "President Lieberman"?  That's scary as hell!

The anger is emanating from reports that several outside Jewish special interest groups took a particular interest in defeating Reps. Cynthia McKinney, D-Ga., and Earl Hilliard, D-Ala., by fueling the campaigns of their respective Democratic primary opponents with thousands of dollars and an interest in seeing the incumbents defeated for their long-standing support of Palestinians.

That last statement made perfect sense to me.  Why would you want anyone in office representing you when that person was biased towards the enemy of your country / nation / people.  Now it strikes me as odd that ANYONE in this country would support the Palestinians but apparently, these two liberals thought it was a good idea to stand up for the stupid bomb wearing towel heads and in so doing, slit their own political wrists.

Both incumbents lost in stunning defeats.

Yeah, but they can always sue and get their office back, maybe they can charge racial discrimination, or religious intolerance since apparently they were beaten by the help of a group of Jews.  That's funny.  If you don't know McKinney or you haven't followed her in her 'illustrious' political career, I feel confident that she has only begun to start a fuss about what happened to her.

McKinney blamed the Jewish lobby and the Democratic Party for her Aug. 20 primary loss by 16 percentage points to Judge Denise Majette, who is also black. The five-termer had sparked the ire of the Jewish community with her outreach to Arabs, particularly after the Sept. 11 attacks, and her support of Palestinians in light of terrorist bombings in Israel. She received ample financial support in her campaign from Arab groups.

Hilliard, too, is a fervent supporter of Palestinians, and lost in June 56-44 percent to opponent Arthur Davis, who is also black and was supported heavily by Jewish special interest dollars.

Walters said their defeats were payback from the wealthy Jewish lobby.

Oh, couldn't it be that this was payback for being un-fucking patriotic and reaching out to comfort the ENEMY of America and America's allies instead of having the balls to stand up and say what was right.  But you didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings, did you, McKinney.   Especially the feelings of the people who helped put you in office with their contributions.  And then when some other special group uses their money to put your opponent in office, well, then, that's just plain wrong, now isn't it.  Liberal hypocrisy.  You have to love it.  These people are such losers.

"When you unseat two black candidates, it's not a freak thing, it's a strategy. It took black candidates by surprise, and it's made them very angry," he said. "Why the leadership of the party didn't do anything, that's the big mystery."

Wow!  Must have been some vast right wing conspiracy to oppress the black people and put the colored man down, huh?

Political observers say McKinney was the only one to blame for her own defeat. She alienated the Democratic Jewish community after Sept. 11 when she slammed former New York Mayor Rudy Giuliani for returning a $10 million check to a Saudi prince who had linked the attacks to America's Mideast policy. McKinney wrote the prince a letter criticizing Giuliani and asking for the money back to give to poor black communities.

Damn straight!  McKinney fucking embarrassed this country by apologizing for something she had no right or power to do so, sticking her nose into business she had no right to, when she went begging for a handout for her 'people'.  How much of that $10 million would have ended up in the so called 'poor black communities' and how much would have been taken out as a 'service fee' for her own political gain is unknown, but I bet it would have been sizeable.   Americans are getting tired of minorities begging for a handout, and this act of begging was basically saying "10 million dollars!  Oh, Mr. Sheik, the USA is a horrible, evil place!  Can I have that check instead?  It is, of course, for my poor black communities.  Giuliani is an idiot, he's the puppet of George Bush.   I love the Palestinians and I hope the Jews all die impaled on the bayonets of the most honorable Palestinians.  Can I have that money?  Please?  Pretty please?"  What a fucking loser.

Others say McKinney just didn't speak to black voters in her district anymore, while Republican voters who could vote in the primary crossed lines en masse to help defeat her.

I think after September 11, McKinney proved that she didn't speak for ANY American or this country, not just the 'black voters' in her district.

"There is a wide variety of reasons as to why that defeat might have happened," said John Norton, spokesman for the Democratic National   Committee. Norton said the party does not get involved in primaries, but  in this case, "We would never pin it [defeat] on a group of outsiders who are wed to a particular issue."

Meaning that the democrats are scared shitless that people are not going to take their crap anymore, and they want to play down the fact that someone, somewhere got organized, and worked actively to remove two of their stooges from office.

Despite the building case against McKinney, political analysts agree that Jews, though traditionally loyal to the Democratic Party, have been moving further to the right since President Bush took office. The president's support of Israel, combined with his "compassionate conservatism," has done a lot to soften their attitudes against Republicans in the last year.

"Jews are clearly moving in a conservative direction, particularly at city and state levels," said Murray Friedman, head of the Center for Jewish History at Temple University and author of What Went Wrong: The Creation and Collapse of the Black-Jewish Alliance.

Jewish-black relations have been "waxing and waning" since the '60s, he said, and tensions uncovered in the Hilliard and McKinney races "are just a continuation of that."

Friedman said past anti-Semitic rhetoric against Jews by visible members of the black community like the Rev. Al Sharpton and the Rev. Jesse Jackson, and the fact there was no clear support for Israel by black members on recent resolutions in Congress, have exacerbated this growing rift between the two traditional allies.

You've got to be nice to the person you decide to go to bed with.

"It's not helpful to have this rift out in the open -- this spells trouble for the Democratic Party," said Rich Galen, who is Jewish and a
Republican strategist. He says if black voters follow through with plans to retaliate against the party for not doing more to save McKinney and Hilliard's seats, it could be disastrous. At the same time, he said, Democratic Jews may be wondering where the party was when black lawmakers were making statements against Israel.

"It all ends up spelling trouble for Democrats," he added.

Walters said the party has gone on double duty to quell the anger among blacks, who are by a vast majority Democrats. He doesn't buy that McKinney had lost support among the black voters in her district, but blames Republicans and Jewish outsiders, and a lack of support from the party.

"I just don't know why the Democratic leadership didn't step up and wrestle this to the ground," he complained.

A handful of CBC members have approached the leadership, not to blame them for their members' losses, but to request meetings, even a retreat, to help ease the growing tensions between the Jewish and black factions within the party, staff members said Tuesday.

You only get nice and come down off the haughty horse when you get your ass kicked.

Fred Turner, a spokesman for Rep. Alcee Hastings, D-Fla., said his boss "has been talking to his colleagues, both black and Jewish, to make things better. We have to remind people that there is quite a bit of shared history between the two groups."

Yeah, like your love for Palestinians?

Eric Smith, a spokesman for House Minority Leader Dick Gephardt, who met recently with CBC members on the matter, said there was definite agreement to clear up the tensions that exist. "He acknowledges that it would be good to continue the discussion."

Good riddance to bad rubbish. Next! -BE


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From the "Why the HELL is THIS guy running for office?!" file

55-year-old Reich, a former professor at Harvard's Kennedy School of Government, has name recognition, but is considered a political outsider in Massachusetts. He has tried to win over voters by playing on his stature.

Reich stands 4-feet-10-inches tall, but says, "At least I stand firmly on my platform."

Yeah, when you get a milk crate under you so you can actually speak into the microphone, that's the platform that you are talking about, right?  Another loser.  He and Janet Reno need to go off and have a red diaper liberal love child.  Will this guy get elected?  Who knows?  I mean, New York was dumb enough to elect someone who had never lived there before as their senator.


Why are we still putting up with these liberal terrorist whackos?

LOS ANGELES — Eco-terrorists blamed for a Vail ski resort building fire and other extremist acts of violence are getting their money from a variety of places, including PETA, prompting two activist groups to seek an end to the animal rights group's tax-exempt status.

Records show that People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, known for its publicity stunts on behalf of animal rights, has given monetary support to the Environmental Liberation Front.

Imagine that.   A group of whackos giving aid and comfort to another group of whackos- BE.

"We did it, we did it. We gave $1,500 to the ELF for a specific program," said PETA President Lisa Lange.

Lange did not say which program PETA sponsored, but from burning down buildings to blowing up SUVs, ELF is America's largest domestic terrorist group, the FBI says.

Then why the HELL don't we go Waco on ELF's ass?!  Let's hole them up in a Motel Six and burn it to the ground.  These fucking whackos seem to like fire and destruction of corporate property, so let's send them off the way they like to live. -BE

"They are an underground organization that consists of numerous cells throughout the United States," said FBI agent David Szany.

Last week, ELF admitted to torching a Forest Service laboratory in Pennsylvania in August. The blaze caused $700,000 in damage and destroyed 70 years of research. In 1998, the group claimed responsibility for the fire on top of Vail, which cost $12 million in
damage. ELF members said they wanted to stop expansion of the resort, which could further damage the habitat for the endangered lynx.

"Anyone who is making money off the destruction of the natural environment could be a target," ELF spokesman Craig Rosebraugh said last February before testifying at a House subcommittee hearing.

PETA's sympathies for ELF actions were apparent in a recent speech by PETA Vice President Bruce Friedrich.

"I think it would be great if all of the fast-food outlets, slaughterhouses, these laboratories and the banks that fund them exploded tomorrow," he said.

Hey, we just pulled over and arrested three foreign people for talking like this in a Shoney's.   How come the police aren't pulling this guy over and blowing up backpacks in his car? This sounds like a terrorist threat to me.  PETA needs to be investigated for terrorist sponsorship and activities.  -BE

PETA payouts to radicals willing to carry out such crimes include:

-- $5,000 to Josh Harper, who was convicted of assaulting police and firing on a fishing vessel;

-- $2,000 to Dave Wilson, convicted of firebombing a fur cooperative;

-- $7,500 to Fran Trutt, convicted of attempted murder of a medical executive;

-- $20,000 to Rodney Coronado, convicted of burning a research lab at Michigan State.

Now, a congressman from the Vail area and some pro-business activists want PETA to be investigated. Rep. Scott McInnis, R-Colo., is probing PETA's alleged ties to violent activism.

"There is a fine line between endorsing something in a speech and helping them financially," McInnis said. "PETA got caught this time around."

Activist Ron Arnold is asking the IRS to revoke PETA's tax-exempt status for appearing to support criminal acts. The effort could cripple PETA's $13 million funding campaign.

"The law is clear ... [a] charitable organization can't advocate acts of civil disobedience, acts that break the law," Arnold, of the Center for Defense of Free Enterprise, said.

Asked about their non-profit status and questionable payments, PETA officials call the allegations against them untrue.

But the Center for Consumer Freedom says that PETA donations to the ELF, even if intended to be used for lawful purposes, still fund a terrorist organization.

"If PETA had used its tax-exempt donations from the public to make a sizable gift to Al Qaeda, Hamas or the Irish Republican Army, we would not be having a discussion about whether or not it is technically possible to make a donation to terrorists without intending the funds be used to conduct terrorism," wrote Richard Berman, executive director of the D.C.-based advocacy group, in a letter to McInnis.

Aw, hell.  I'm tired of this liberal bullshit.  You mean this is going to be more of that "Well, that all depends on what your definition of 'is' is." crap?   Probably so.  PETA needs to be hunted down so fast and hard that they wind up on an endangered species list.  What a bunch of environmental liberal whackos.   PETA is nothing but mirth. -BE


NEVER kiss an anti-matter girl.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------PREVIOUS DARK THOUGHTS BELOW-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Would an ultra-sound be considered "child pornography"?


K-YITOL- a mixture of Geritol and KY Jelly for the active, older generation.


I know a guy who thinks that a Bassinet is a type of hound dog.


From the "Hooked on Ebonics worked for me!" File...

Proving once again that listening to rap makes you STUPID.

Graffiti on a building on Owens Street, Columbia, MS.


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Ever notice how Janet Reno looks like Jeebs, the pawn shop owner in MEN IN BLACK?
Like someone shot her head off and she started growing another one but it didn't quite grow out enough...

Reno was one of the most ineffectual people to ever hold any type of political office.  If you cast your vote for this washed up has-been as a candidate to run the state of Florida, you need to be amputated from the human race.  If she gets elected governor, EVERY county in Florida will wind up like Dade.

Reno says that she is considering suing if she loses.  Hello!?  That's what a VOTE is for.  It isn't to see who gets closest to winning and then the loser gets a lawyer to make them the winner.  This country is in a heap of trouble.

Janet Reno scares me.  She reminds me of an evil version of physicist Stephen Hawkins, only she doesn't have that cool motorized chair.


You know, if you believed in conspiracies, the best place to hide the truth is right out in the open.

Now do you wonder why you see so many Wal-Mart and Tyson trucks on the road?

Wonder what they are carrying.  I saw eight Wal-Mart trucks pass through the other day, all in a row.


Once again, the state of Florida makes a total ass out of itself when handling elections.  Florida enacted new laws and spent $32 million to reform its election system over the past two years in an attempt to solve the problems that plagued the state in 2000 but the same two counties are having problems voting and counting votes again. 

Like Einstein once said, "Everything should be made as simple as possible, and not one step more."

It boggles the mind.  They spent $32 MILLION dollars to make it as simple as possible, and they still fuck it up.  That says something about Florida.

Like those people don't need to be allowed to vote.  Ever.


I heard President Bush's September 11 Anniversary speech last night while out on patrol, it was the most uninspired seven and a half minutes I have ever wasted, and I was truly amazed and shocked that he did not use it as a rallying cry to get the nation behind him.  I thought it played way too much into the hands of the liberal left.  I really expected more, but he genuinely came off sounding like he didn't want to hurt anyone feelings.  Everything was sugar coated so we didn't offend any thin skinned ethnic groups.

When I returned home, I caught a preview of the upcoming episode of "The West Wing" or whatever that political drama is with Martin Sheen as the President.  I was even further amazed that this actor, playing the president, gave a far better speech about 9-11 than the actual president did.   That was sad!  I wasn't moved at all by Bush's speech, but Martin Sheen's speech had me wanting to sign up for the Marines.

That's when you know the country is in trouble, when Hollywood does a better job at politics than Washington does.


Goose Tracked to Hunter's Freezer

Mon. Aug 26, 2002

TORONTO (AP) - Scientists spent four months tracking by satellite the journey of a goose named Kerry that migrated 3,000 miles from Northern Ireland to the Canadian Arctic.

They finally found it last week — in an Inuit hunter's freezer.

"Kerry shot in Canada!" reads an Aug. 22 update on the migratory tracking project's Web site.

Kerry was one of six light-bellied Brent geese under study by Britain's Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust and the National Geographic Society.

When signals from Kerry's satellite transmitter showed he had moved from one Arctic island to another and then stopped, the researchers asked Canadian wildlife officers to help find the goose.

An initial search in the wetlands near Resolute Bay found nothing, the Web site reported.

"However, as they reached the town the transmission signals became stronger and, with the help of the local Wildlife Conservation Officer, they tracked the transmitter to the home of a hunter," said the Web site report.

"The hunter admitted that he had shot Kerry on Bathurst Island on July 22 had brought the goose back home with him," it said. "This explains why we saw Kerry's transmitter move from Bathurst Island to Cornwallis Island at the end of July."

Of the six birds the project tracked, only three are still sending signals, according to the Web site.

Bwahahahaha!  I bet the scientists and hippies never saw THAT coming!  This reminds me of when the Exxon Valdez broke open in Alaska, and after all the expense of the cleanup, after all the publicity of cleaning up two sea lions and returning them to their natural habitat off the coast of Alaska, horrified onlookers watched as a killer whale at the sea lions.   They probably were a bit greasy.  Life is just full of mirth, but you have to know where to look for it.  -BE


There's another Darwin Award here somewhere...

Man Accused in Wedgie Case
Mon. Aug 26, 2002

LOWER SOUTHAMPTON, Pa. (AP) - A man accused of trying to kill a friend who gave him a "wedgie" will stand trial on an attempted murder charge, a judge ruled.

Daniel Strouss, 19, was attending a Phish concert last year when Eric Kassoway sneaked up behind him and yanked up his underwear, according to testimony at a hearing Thursday.

Strouss, of Richboro, held a grudge for months before shooting Kassoway on June 12, authorities said.

On the night of the shooting, Strouss drove to Kassoway's home and waited until Kassoway came home, then shot him in the arm and leg, authorities said. Kassoway nearly died from loss of blood.

Strouss' attorney, Al Cepparulo, said he did not dispute the prosecution's version of events.

"This is a tragedy for the victim. All I can say is my client is going through therapy," he said last week.

Let that be a lesson to you all.  Never give wedgies at a Phish concert.  It could have long ranging repercussions.  -BE


I wonder if Stevie Ray Vaughn and Vic Morrow were
ever made honorary members of the Rotary Club...


Put your lips together and blow through them, making the "pbbbbbbbbbt" sound.

That's probably what women who skydive naked sound like.


Still waiting on Odor Eaters to market a line of feminine hygiene products...

You know you would laugh if you ever saw THAT in Wal-Mart.


Think about it.  Combat pilots are now authorized to shoot down commercial airliners if given the command to do so all in order to prevent another 9-11 style hijacking and to prevent terrorists from using an airliner as another weapon of mass destruction.

You know that somewhere, out there, some gung-ho jet jock is dreaming of the day of being able to let go a missile and watch one of those big ugly fat birds go down in flames.  Sick, but it's human nature.  Some pilot out there, somewhere, is hoping and praying for the chance to prove that he has the balls to be an American patriot and follow through with the 'hardest decision ever made'.  You know someone right now, flying a combat jet, is actually wanting to be the one to pull the trigger on a plane load of people with a terrorist on board.  They won't admit it, but they think about it all the time, secretly, and when the order comes, they won't hesitate to carry out that order.   They might regret it for the rest of their life, but until then, they hope that when that situation arises, that they are the one in the position to pull the trigger.

I don't know...

I'm jaded, but don't think that I wouldn't hesitate for a second or two, maybe even longer between the time I was given the order to slam a supersonic ASRAAM or AMRAAM into some 747 full of clueless people.   That's going to be a hard call to make, I tell you.  I hope it never comes to that, but if it does ... it's going to put a real damper on flying as a tourist.   Why?  Because if the United States ever shoots down a commercial jet over friendly soil, you can bet that the next jet load of sheepeople who see a F-16 take up "escort duty" alongside their flight are going to go frigging ballistic.

That might be the first real case of domestic hijacking, an airliner taken over by the passengers themselves.  Just imagine:

"Oh my GOD!  Those are F16s like they showed on CNN on the NEWS!  They're going to shoot us down like they did Flight 24 in Ohio!  We're all going to die if we don't get away from them!"

Screams follow as panic sets in and everyone makes a dash to take out the crew of the jet and take control to (somehow) fly it away from the military jets, which leads to another case of 'hijacking' and a cause to shoot down the jetliner for the safety of the public-at-large.  Of course, the last minutes of the flight where everyone went nuts and brought about their own demise would be carefully covered up by the media, so as not to embarrass or offend the family members, etc.

Yeah, I could see that happening.


How come the Franklin Mint doesn't make a NASCAR edition commemorative restrictor plate?


My wife called me on the cell phone the other day just to talk on my way home from work.  The conversation went like this.

HER:   "Hey!  What do you want to do when you get home?"

ME: "You."

HER: "Rowrrrr!  Gosh!  Me love you LONNNNNG time!"

ME: "Yeah, well, how about me love you short time and take a nap?"


It was late the other night at the ER when we finally got to a point where we could order a pizza from Dominos.  After stuffing down about three pieces, and noticing that others around me had done the same, we all agreed that three pieces was just about enough to fill anyone up.  Everyone started looking a little full and then I felt a sneeze coming on.  As there were five people in a room that two can fit comfortably in, I held it back and made several awful faces as I contained the sneeze internally.  I can do that, it amazes people.

"Wow!" Charley, one of the nurses, said.  "You're not supposed to sneeze and hold it!"

I nodded.

"Yeah, but I'm so full of Domino's pizza right now that if I had sneezed, you all would be tipping me for delivery."


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I wonder if LEVER 2000 soap is Y2K compliant?


I actually heard this in a conversation at the Chevron the other day while I was filling up my GTP.

Scoggin: "I miss Dale Earnhardt.  NASCAR just ain't the same without him, ya know?  If all this Twin Tower shit hadn't happened, they'd still be showing specials about the Intimidator and his career instead of some damn footage of camel jockeys.  I got a lot of those Earnhardt specials taped.  You want to borrow some sometime?"

Thankfully, this scoggin was not talking to me.  Otherwise, I would have grabbed his ears and tuned his skull until he could have picked up a radio station in Cleveland.


And speaking of rednecks, NASCAR, September the 11th, and terrorists...


Sports is a funny concept if you step back and just look at it.

The fact that so many people can go utterly freaking nuts watching someone else get paid lots of money to have a good time boggles my mind.  I'm amazed when one spectator wants to kill someone either on the other team or in the other set of bleachers, simply because they are the opponent.  The soccer riots that are so prevalent in Europe make me look at soccer as little more than an excuse to beat some stranger senseless and knock down a stadium wall or two in the process.   If these people are sports fans, I'd hate to see what the people who don't like the sport do when they get organized.

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups"

or as I like to say it:

"Never underestimate the buying power of stupid people in large groups."

There's big money in stupid people, just ask Harley Davidson and the average NASCAR fan.  Make them smile, make them feel like they belong to something bigger than they are, don't let them do a lot of original thinking, and they will more often than not buy something related to your dog and pony show, often at two or three times what it normally costs.  That's called a "profit".  The people who make up your profit are called a "market segment".  Stupid people make up many large market segments rich in profit.

People who don't have a clue about how engines even work will try to tell me how a NASCAR motor is built and why it is so powerful, all because they watch NASCAR on TV, from the safety of their living room, yet they drive a four cylinder Honda Accord that they've never lifted the hood on, and this, I guess, makes them some kind of qualified expert on engine building.

"Well, you see, them there NASCAR motors uses this real complicated cross-fire fuel injected carburmahraider and them motors makes like about 2000 horsepower and they will run 500 miles an hour on the top end, but they put these damn restrictator plates on them and that makes them run like 200 miles an hour and only lets them make about 400 horsepower.  You know, come to think about it, it's a pretty darn good thing that those NASCAR motors don't go 500 miles an hour, then like the race would be over in an hour and that would just plum sure suck a big wet sticky mule dick, know what I mean, bubba?"

I personally told organized sports to take a flying fuck over a decade ago and have never regretted it yet.  When someone sets their cell phone to the fight song for their favorite college, and brags about it, and then turns it up all the way so that they can bask in the ignorance of an incoming call that annoys the hell out of everyone else around them who has more than the IQ of a retarded hamster, I really have to question the far reaching goals of the average person.

It's the dumbing down of America.

The terrorists were stupid on 9/11/01.  What did they do?   They brought down two buildings and killed 3000 people.  Big frigging deal, from a military bomb damage assessment aspect.  We could probably do that in one small sortie with our technology.  Small change, from a military tactical point of view.  I know, the twin towers were not filled with normal business people, and they didn't smash the planes in during the heaviest business hours,  but then that's just a lack of forethought on the terrorists planning.  Do you realize that some sports arenas in this country can hold upwards of 100,000 people?  Think about it.

Planes falling into a standing room only sports arena, taking out 90,000 idiots at the Super Bowl or some other asinine redneck arena.  Sobering thought, isn't it?  How do you kill a lot of Americans?  You bomb a professional sports event.  Simple.

I bet we'd be kicking Iraq's ass right now if those Al Qaeda goons had crashed four big jumbo jets into the Winston 500 and wiped out half of the NASCAR drivers and about 40,000 Marlboro smoking, Miller drinking inbred rednecks.  Hell, if there was a four lane highway from America to Afghanistan, the next day it would have been choked with 4x4s and old Camaros on the way over there to take care of business.   Think of the opening scenes of The Beverly Hillbillies combined with Los Angeles freeway at quitting time.

So it's September 11th, 2002.

Big frigging whoopty doo doo.

Nothing has changed.

Think about it.  We've now got idiots on one side of the nation who let a fully loaded handgun go onboard an airplane in a woman's purse that they search yet on the opposite side of the nation they strip the plastic weapons from a twelve inch G.I. Joe doll because the tiny rifle, knife, pistol, and grenades might be considered to be a threat.  I guess somewhere in the middle of the nation, between the two extremes, you might find some common sense, but I doubt it.  The politicians are still trying to see who is going to get the most credit for wanting to do something about the terrorists, but no one is really doing anything about it, are they?  They're too busy debating on what should be done and trying to see if they can extend this into an election year where when they do decide to make a decision, it will look good for their party and help them get re-elected.

Nothing.  We've done nothing at home.   Sure we've carpet bombed parts of Afghanistan back into the stone age (hard to do when that's where they were to begin with) but other than that, nothing.

Lots of talk, lots of red tape, very little action.  Besides a bunch of media crap, what have we learned from September 11th, 2001?

Simple.  If you want to wake up America, if you want to piss them off and have them rip your head off and reach down your throat and pull your soul out, hit them where it hurts.  Heartland America?  No.  The entertainment industry.

I think we've forgotten a lot of what we thought we learned on that dark day in American history.  I think that America is too soft, that we've gone and let our guard down, that as long as it doesn't inconvenience one person, who cares about all those other people.  Or more to the point, so what that Al Qaeda took out the World Trade Center, at least they didn't get Darlington or Talladega.  At least they didn't blow up our brain dead entertainment!  At least they didn't incinerate Brittany Spears and the Back Street Boyz and N-Sync and Leonardo DiCaprio or Puff Daddy.

If they had, public support for a war with Iraq would have been assured.  In fact, we'd probably be building an Iraqi NASCAR track right now where Saddam's palace used to be, that or turning his palace into some posh casino, claiming that the revenues it generates will be used to help the education of the American school children.

It's a sad state of the country today.

September 11 was a grievous wound on America's pride, yet it has taught us nothing.  Look at how people like Tom Daschel and the rest of the dumocrats are acting.  We're at war, but we want to first make sure that we don't hurt anyone's feelings.

We've learned nothing from that dark day.

Either that, or we're too far gone to be able to pull ourselves out of the hole we've spent the last four decades digging.


Should a drunk golfer reach into his bag for a designated driver?



In basketball, you have Forwards, but why don't you have any Backwards?

In Football, if you have quarterbacks, halfbacks, and fullbacks. Where the hell are the threequarterbacks? And if you have a wide receiver, where is the narrow receiver?

Tight end and wide receiver both have subtle underlying sexual connotations, me thinks.

I figure you're pretty much  a tight end, then a defensive end, and after a lot of practice, you become a wide receiver.


Political correctness sucks.  It's just limp wristed sugar coating for liberal pansies who are afraid of hurting someone's feelings.  If you want to look where pacifism is taking this country, look at the toys available to children today.  We teach pacifism.  It used to be easy to find toy soldiers, toy guns, and military toys, not anymore.  If you find some bad-ass robot, any gun it comes with is some kind of 'stun gun' or only works on other non-living robots.  There is a real underlying current of pacifism in toys.   Every toy is politically correct these days and that is sad.  You can tell a lot about a culture by the toys it lets its children play with.

Do you see any good guns being sold in toy stores?  No.  When I was growing up, most department stores like Wal-Mart had an entire toy isle of cap guns, western play sets, and military / science-fiction pretend weapons.  You'll be lucky to find a big pink awkward looking gun today with a bright red cap on the end that says "THIS IS A TOY SO IF SOMEONE POINTS IT AT YOU DON'T WET YOURSELF".

I have enjoyed the recent comeback of the 12" G.I. Joe action figures, that has brought back a lot of fond childhood memories, though my old G.I. Joe's from the early '70s (with real hair, kung-fu grip, eagle eye, etc.) were no where near as high tech as the modern releases.  Also notice that you will find a lack of the word 'enemy' in most toys, toys today seem to be pretty much pacifist symbols.  You can't find any good guns for kids to play with, and G.I. Joe has no enemies.  He has a 'Foreign Soldier' collection, because if we called the Japanese soldier, the German SS soldier, etc. "enemy" soldiers, it might hurt someone's feelings. 

The "Foreign Soldier" collection, because we can't call them 'enemies of G.I. Joe' anymore.  How long before it becomes labeled as "The highly misunderstood, very angry (with every right to be), non-friend of bad old American GI Joe"?

Probably not long.


If you can excrete excrement, why can't you increte increment?

I bet that cremation really puts a damper on necrophilia.


Today at work, our server bogged and crashed the district wide email program.  This was a simple problem, there was a finite amount of storage space in the USER backup directories and instead of copying up just their data files, some bright USER decided to copy up their entire 12gig hard drive to the server.  With 2.3mb to spare, no wonder the district wide Email program came to a screaming halt.

While searching for files we could delete before moving the users over to our much larger and much faster server, Gimp found a file of a type he had never seen before.  Gimp asked me "Hey, what is a FLTSMT".

"A new type of Harley Davidson motorcycle?" I replied.


Al Gore recently announced that he had received a mysterious white powder in the mail at his old political office in Nashville, TN.   My thought is: Get with the program, Al!  All the other politicians were claiming that stunt this time last year !

Next, Al Gore will probably tell you that he invented anthrax...

_____________________________________________________________________________________ is what happens when you let bleeding heart liberals near a computer keyboard and a text editor to produce line after line of pathetic HTML code.  What a bunch of liberal touchy, feel-good bullshit.  Listen to this animal lover weep their pathetic prose openly.  This kind of crap is what you get when you overdose on Tofu.

The Animals are Crying
Is There Any Animal on Earth Not Exploited to Death by Man?

Bear & cubs: Put that gun down! What will happen to my babies?
Bee: Let my honey be.
Bird: Don't cage me. I was born to be free.
Bull: Bull fighting is gross.
Calf: You treat me with unspeakable cruelty.
Cat: Overpopulation is making me homeless.
Chick: Please don't de-beak me to crowd me in a small space.
Chimp: Respect me! I have feelings and intelligence.
Circus Lion: Your burning hoops are no entertainment for me.
Cow: The rain forests are being destroyed because of your appetite for my flesh-and so the whole earth. (and the train of thought just derails... I didn't know cows lived in the rain forests... must be those jungle cows. -BE)
Coyote: I have rightful place in the natural order of the universe. Don't interfere.
Deer: I am not yours to kill to satisfy your power craze.
Dog: Please don't let them sell me to a laboratory.
Dolphin: Your tuna nets often catch me.
Duck: I'm too cute to shoot.
Elephant: Curb your greed for my tusk. (this has sexual connotations, don't you think? -BE)
Fish: Your hooks really hurt.
Fox: "and God saw that they were good." You who call yourself
religious, pay attention to your own scriptures.
Frog: Learning is better when you don't dissect me.
Goat: My milk is for my kids, not yours.
Greyhound: No animal likes racing and what happens when I don't win.
Guinea Pig: I don't want to be your guinea pig.
Horse: I do not like pulling you silly, overloaded carriages on dirty, auto-polluted city streets.
Horse: I do not like pulling you silly, overloaded carriages on dirty, auto-polluted city streets. (you already said that once, hippy. -BE)
Lamb: The emphasis on meat-eating in your society is caused by your "over-masculinized," patriarchal culture.
Llama: I don't want to be your new meat -- you wicked people.
Lobster: How would you like to be boiled alive?
Mink: It takes forty of our coats to make you one bloody coat.
Mouse: I just want to be me, not genetically manipulated by you.
Penguin: Watch your oil! Don't spill it where I live, or anywhere.
Pig: If only I could fly, I'd fly out of your slaughterhouses.
Poodle: I do not enjoy being "primped," powdered or paraded.
Rabbit: Is your vanity worth my eyes?
Raccoon: You might catch even a child in your cruel leg-hold traps.
Rhesus Monkey: I don't want to be part human: It is bad for me and for you.
Rodeo Animal: How do you think I like the rodeo?
Rooster: Do you own fighting, macho-man.
Seal: I am only a baby. Please don't club me to death.
Sheep: Sheering contests are no fun for me.
Snake: Who said that I am evil and that you should tread on me?
Spotted Owl: Think! You don't have to destroy my habitat.
Turtle: Mock-Mock soup is better than the real thing.

Listen man! Animals are not yours to kill, wear, eat, exploit, in entertainment or use in experiments. Clean up your act. Control your population and your greed. Try a little compassion so that all species might live in harmony on planet earth.

Elizabeth Jane Farians (Tofu abusing, tree hugging liberal hippy wannabe)

Oh man, this really makes me want to wear hemp, hold hands, and sing Kum-Ba-Yah until my tongue goes numb. -BE


Shoelace Strangler Subdued on Flight

Fri Aug 30,10:30 AM ET

PODGORICA, Montenegro (Reuters) - An ethnic Albanian man being deported
from Germany to Kosovo tried to strangle a flight attendant with his
shoelaces on Thursday, the airline said.

The incident occurred aboard a special flight from Duesseldorf to
Pristina by Montenegro Airlines, which has been ferrying planeloads of
Kosovo deportees home from Germany twice a month for the past several

"A serious incident occurred on this flight," the airline's general
manager, Zoran Djurisic, told Reuters.

"One of the deportees on the plane asked to go to the toilet, where he
took the laces out of his running shoes. He then came up from behind on
our stewardess, Irena Radonjic, and tried to strangle her," he said.

"But special Montenegrin police who accompany each flight reacted
immediately and prevented any more serious consequences. They subdued
the attacker and they landed safely in Pristina."

Montenegrin Interior Minister Andreja Jovicevic told Reuters that the
special police on duty on the flight from Dusseldorf to Pristina stopped
a man when he tried to kill a flight attendant. He said they handed him
over to the authorities in Pristina.

Police in Kosovo identified the attacker as 20-year-old Shaban Isufi. A
spokesman said that police secured Pristina airport ahead of the plane's
landing and immediately took the attacker to hospital for medical

He was then placed under arrest, the spokesman said. Djurisic said there
were about 60 passengers on the flight.

"We don't really know what was in his head. When she was serving
refreshments and asked him what he would like to drink he replied: "A
little blood from you."

The flight attendant had bruises on her neck and was still a bit shocked
but otherwise relieved, Djurisic added.

Great, now they'll outlaw shoe laces on flights and we'll all have to travel barefoot or wearing flip flops and looking like we're going to a Jimmy Buffet concert.  If the liberals get wind of this, there will be a five day waiting period and background checks for anyone wanting to purchase a new set of shoe laces. -BE


During lunch Gimp and I saw a tricked out redneck four by four Chevy truck come through the parking lot of Cuco's restaurant. I pointed it out to Gimp.

"Damn." Gimp said. "That's hicked out."

"Yeah." I replied. "You know, in Perry county, just riding in that truck on a Friday night counts as foreplay."


I saw a tabloid the other day in the checkout line. It read "Heartbreaking tragedy: Oprah gains weight!"

My thought was, who the fuck really, really cares?


mrclean.gif (21730 bytes)

When is Mr. Clean going to come out of the closet?


From the "What goes around, comes around" file... (little known facts)

Terrorist pilot Mohammad Atta blew up a bus in Israel in 1986.

The Israelis captured, tried, and imprisoned him. As part of the Oslo agreement with the Palestinians in 1993, Israel had to agree to release so-called "political prisoners". However, the Israelis would not release any with blood on their hands.

The American President at the time, Bill Clinton, and his Secretary of State "insisted" that all prisoners be released. So, Mohammad Atta was freed and eventually thanked the US by flying an airplane into Tower One of the World Trade Center.

Don’t forget that the country of Somalia offered to turn over Osama Bin Laden to the Clinton administration but the corrupt administration of Bill Clinton didn’t want to get involved. I guess he were too busy having illicit sex in the Oral, I mean, Oval Office with his interns! Let’s just send him to Somalia!

This was reported by many of the American TV networks at the time that the terrorists were first identified. It was censored in the US from all later reports.

Why am I not surprised? -BE


Recently, ignorant hecklers booed Colin Powell as he touted the U.S. environmental record at the summit in Johannesburg. Who really cares about this crap anyway?  The environmental record, I mean.  How should America handle hecklers at an international summit?  Here's what I would do. Stop all the aid money going to Africa.

That would teach them some respect. Jeer at us, lose all the millions of dollars that we are sending to you.  Don't criticize the gravy train, you ignorant wretches. Like I've said all along, stop all foreign aid and spend that money here at home.  It does nothing overseas but generate beggars who depend on the US for welfare.  Not only do we give these people money, we let them talk bad about us as well. 

I'd put a stop to that with drying up the funds.  That would really give them something to boo us over.


American Idol- who do you think will win? Kelly or Justin? CNN wanted you to cast your vote on their interactive poll. Hey, you have to figure that with just two choices,  you've got a 50/50 chance of winning.

American Idol?

Who the fuck really cares... if you watched that show, you need to tender your resignation from the human race.  So, let me get this straight... in the end, it comes down to a choice between a washed up cocktail waitress from Texas and a plastic store mannequin that looks vaguely like the singer Seal.

Here's my vote: click.

(The Dark One switches over to the history channel to review the specials on the terrorist attack.)

If you feed your mind shit, you'll have shit for brains.  It's time to put away the mental Twinkies, folks, no, really, you've had enough.


From the "I am Borg.  You will be assimilated" files...

US man 'cut open daughter's guinea pig to see if it was a robot'

A Californian man is to go on trial after he allegedly dissected his six-year-old daughter's guinea pig because he thought it was a camera-equipped robot placed in his home by government agents.

Benny Zavala, was ordered to stand trial on two counts of animal cruelty and one count of being under the influence of methamphetamine. (well, I wonder if that played a part in his decision making process? -BE)

If convicted, Zavala, 34, of Oxnard, could be sentenced to three years in prison.

Prosecutors claim a neighbor visited Zavala and found him poking the guinea pig with a knife.

"He said the guinea pig was a robot and it was spying on him. He said it had a camera in the back of its head," said a spokesman.

Zavala allegedly called the neighbor the next day and said he had killed the animal and determined it was not a robot.

Zavala told police he killed the guinea pig because it was diseased and could no longer stand.

This is what you expect from someone who free-bases a recreational product that has been mixed up in the kitchen sink and which uses as its main ingredient an industrial drain cleaner.  Beware the 'Borg Guinea Pigs!  -BE


Have you realized how stupid America has become?  Think about it.

We sit down on our lazy asses to watch other people have lives on TV.

We call it "reality TV". Get off your ass, America and go have a life of your own, it isn't that hard!

You people are sheep.


From the Darwin Awards to Watch for file...

A British station is developing a new type of reality TV, they are going to pay three people to stay together in a house for several weeks and try to contract everything from the flu to VD. Yeah, if you watch that, you're even more pathetic than the wretches that actually get to be the guinea pigs on that show.

And speaking of reality TV, ABC is going to do a new reality TV show. it's called "The REAL Beverly Hillbillies". It involves taking a lower class family from the backwoods hay-fucks and putting them up in a posh house in Beverly Hills. Hope they can cover the security and cleaning deposit. The hidden "junior and the goat have really embarrassing forbidden and unnatural love on national TV" cam should be an extra bonus.


Lance Bass may get replaced by a cargo container because he can't come up with the money he needs to go into space. Maybe Jerry Lewis will hold a telethon to help him out...

Hey, wasn't Lance Bass one of Jerry's Kids to begin with?  I think so.


And speaking of Jerry Lewis... I think I finally have a use for him.

I see where Germany has information that will help lead to the conviction of one of the hijackers, but is refusing to turn this evidence over to the United States because we have a death penalty and they don't want to be part of causing this man to be condemned.

Boo fucking hoo.

Here's my thoughts: fuck you, Germany.

If you say you have evidence, but you won't turn it over because it will condemn this man, that's good enough for me. Guilty. Strap him down, pull the switch, next.  Oh, wait, here's a better idea. Let's agree to keep this guy alive for the rest of his life, at Germany's expense. That's right, if Germany wants him to live, they can write us a check for all his expenses for the rest of his life. No reason that a terrorist should be a burden on the US tax payers.

Wake up, America. This man and those like him killed over 3000 tax payers on September 11. They are DEAD. Does he deserve to live? No. Death to all terrorists, hunt them down like the animals that they are. No trial, no mercy, destroy them like you would bacteria.

And that goes for any person who gets 'life in prison without the possibility of parole'. Here's an idea, let's automatically have the death penalty for all capital crimes, with the option to have life in prison without parole. What's the catch? You have to be adopted. That's right, someone has to agree to pay for your expenses while you are behind bars. Adopt a murderer. If you don't adopt him, it's execution time. If you miss your monthly payment, he's toast. Maybe Jerry Lewis could hold a Death Row telethon to raise money to keep these losers alive from year to year.

If I get a vote, I vote kill them all. That's why they are on death row. And face it, they are not on Death Row because they are waiting for the Pope to make them into a saint, now are they?

Free up money for other things that are needed in this country. Money to keep people alive for decades on death row is frivolous.


I asked a guy the other day what a "diatribe" was.

He said he thought it was a group of people living in Africa.


From the "Your Hard Earned Tax Dollars At Work In Mississippi" File

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Fight the Bite, Mississippi!

PSA Billboard seen outside Jackson, MS
shot through a dirty window at 45mph
which kind of explains the quality of the shot

Yeah, giant 35 foot long mosquitoes like the one pictured there on the billboard, sure.  What has the West Nile Virus really done this year?  Killed less people than those who die daily in automobile crashes.   The WNV is just a trendy little news item, now isn't it.  I'm tired of hearing about it.  Really.  When it starts killing thousands of tax payers like the Black Plague, then I'll get worried.


From the "You do not DO that!" file...

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Things NOT to do in New Orleans...

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1) Park in handicap parking space when you are not handicapped.

2) Leave keys in trunk lock while you go shopping.

There is poetic justice in this world.   There really is...

Picture shot while I was on vacation in The Big Easy.



I actually had a guy getting on the internet looking for the cheat code to enable 'god mode' on Solitaire...

It boggles the mind.



G.I. Joe disarmed!

Joe sent this in to me from the other side of the pond.  Thanks, Joe.  My email-o-gratitude bounced from your server, but here is your contribution.

 Soldier toy disarmed at airport

 GI Joe's gun "had to be taken from him"

A doll caused a security alert at an American airport because its two-inch plastic gun was considered a dangerous weapon.

Judy Powell, 55, from Walton on the Hill, Surrey, bought the GI Joe toy in Las Vegas and packed it in her hand luggage.

But security staff at Los Angeles International Airport refused to let Mrs. Powell on board the plane with the replica rifle.

Mrs. Powell had to put the gift - minus the rifle - in her suitcase so it could go in the aircraft's hold.

Mrs. Powell said: "I was simply stunned when I realized they were serious. Security examined the toy as if it was going to shoot them and looked at the rifle."

"I was really angry to start with because of the absurdity of the situation." Powell said. "But then I saw the funny side of it and thought this was simple lunacy."

A spokesman for Los Angeles International Airport said: "We have instructions to confiscate anything that looks like a weapon or a replica.

"If GI Joe was carrying a replica then it had to be taken from him." -Spokesperson for Los Angeles International Airport.


In other news, a security officer at a Georgia airport failed to spot a loaded (real) handgun when they searched a woman's bags and allowed the woman to board the plane to her destination.  The handgun was discovered in mid-flight which prompted two F-16 fighter jets to be scrambled to escort the plane to 'safety'.  The woman was apprehended on touchdown.  The airport security worker was fired.

I think the person who took the toy rifle from the G.I. Joe action figure should also be fired.   We do not need anyone THAT stupid working in the system.  If someone had stood up on my flight with a 3" plastic replica of an assault rifle and tried to hijack the plane, I would have gotten up, bent this 'terrorist' over, and shoved that plastic gun so far up their ass that they would need a G.I. Joe sized proctologist to climb up there and retrieve it.

When we made security guards at airports Federal employees, we automatically wrote off any chance of common sense being used in any form or capacity.  That's probably the biggest reason why I won't fly anymore, I've got Federal employees as security screeners.  I could probably walk through with plastic explosive and tell them it was modeling clay... -BE


I know a guy who thinks that larvae is something that comes out of a hot volcano...


You know, when you think about it....

elvisdove2.jpg (39969 bytes)        liberace.jpg (15555 bytes)

Elvis was pretty much just the heterosexual version of Liberace...

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An album which would have definitely different connotations if released today.
Maybe he did a duet with Liberace on it.

No, it's an actual album that the King released.  Funny in hindsight.


And on the 25th anniversary of Elvis' death, I'd like to share some family photos.

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Here is Elvis and Priscilla Presley with their little daughter, Lisa Marie.

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Here is Lisa Marie's future husband.

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Little did the KING of ROCK and ROLL know that he was going to
one day lose his daughter away to the KING of POP.

"Uh huh.  I got your daughter.  Uh huh.  Hoo-hee hee hee."

You know Elvis was rolling over in his grave.

And now Nicholas Cage has married Lisa Marie?

Man, all I have to say to Mr. Cage is:

This woman had sex with Michael Jackson!

Let that thought creep into your mind the next time you want to get naked and jiggy with Elvis' daughter.


And speaking of Michael Jackson...

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Has anyone noticed his remarkable resemblance to a member of "The Family"?

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Congrats on the 31st anniversary
of Charlton Heston's movie "OMEGA MAN"

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Based on Richard Matheson's excellent novel



Mississippi is working with Louisiana for a Hurricane evacuation plan for when really large storms threaten to hit New Orleans.   The plan is called "Contra Flow".  This plan calls for when a Category 3 or higher storm threatens New Orleans that parts of Interstate 59 are going to be turned into uni-directional traffic, that is, all four lanes will be one way, letting traffic move from New Orleans into Mississippi.  You can imagine the problems that might occur, logistics wise, from taking a 90 mile stretch of major US Interstate and making it one way.

The term "90 mile long parking lot" was used more than once in reference to the plan.

Gimp and I had a meeting on this concept the other day, since we are handling the electronics and communications for the MDOT / MHP EOC (Emergency Operations Center) for this disaster project.  During a break in the meeting, Gimp and I were discussing the finer points of the meeting and where we saw obvious faults in the plan.  Don Garrick, another very deep thinking human being which we call a friend, approached us and joined the conversation.  When he asked my opinion of the Contra Flow project, I told him that the Republicans were in deep trouble this time.

"Excuse me, the Republicans?" he asked, totally taken off guard.

"Yeah, they don't have Oliver North to save their asses this time."

Don looked at me expecting an answer.

"You know, when this Iran Contra Flow story hits the news, it's going to be a big political stink."

Don laughed hard at that one, we're all big political discussion and theory debaters.  He had totally missed the connotation of the word "Contra" being part of the Sandinista rebels and part of pop culture from the late '80s.


Got a new laptop computer case the other day, there was the little 'inspected with pride by Targus inspector number..." I looked at who inspected my laptop case, it was Inspector -1.

That's right, negative one.

Strange... and a little spooky.


Nice to see that traditional European values still exist even in the advent of a major disaster.

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Here a villager is seen carting off a new bride from a rival village while onlookers are helpless to do anything other than watch.

That Viking stock, you can't breed it out.   You just can't.  Good stuff, though.  The world needs more of it.


To further illustrate just how dumb the average American has become, I submit to you the instructions I found attached to my extendable ceiling fan brush I purchased the other day at Home Depot.  The instructions began quite simply.

Instructions for using extendable ceiling fan brush:

1) Turn ceiling fan off.

Well, yeah, I mean, duh!

Everything in society is engineered and written for the lowest common denominator.  Remember that.  I refuse to be an LCD.


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You know, like I said, everything is designed for the lowest common denominator in society, i.e. the dumbest person in the group.   For my tax dollars, living in Mississippi, this is what I get as a state government response to the West Nile virus threat.  "Fight the Bite!"  What an incredibly asinine PR campaign.

Up in Clarksdale, MS, a mob of ten or so people actually ambushed a mosquito fogging truck and pelted it with rocks, hit it with lead pipes and other debris.  They did over $1000 of damage to the truck before the driver could get away.  My thought for this comes from the excellent book "A Confederacy of Dunces".  The part where the lead character describes how the rednecks will throw stones and other materials at vehicles, because vehicles represent change and advancement in society.

My other thought was, after all the scare of crop dusters and chemical and biological agents, maybe they thought that some Islamic extremist had stolen a county insect fogging truck and was spreading Anthrax with it.

Come to think of it, you know that Bin Laden could be behind this latest threat of terrorist mosquitoes.


My friend Mark said that I could quote him on this...

"Christians who are racists don't realize that they worship a Middle-Eastern Jew."

Wow, think what the Southern Baptist Convention would be like today if it was discovered that Jesus had in fact, really been a soul brother...


I recently heard an obituary on the local radio station for a man whose name I was not envious of.

Rest in peace, Joe Wisecock.


With the recent CNN release of video tapes showing Bin Laden experimenting on dogs with lethal biological and chemical agents, shouldn't we be seeing PETA getting after his ass?  And if PETA can storm our testing labs over here and throw up stupid boycotts and stage dumb ass public stunts, why can't they go over to Afghanistan and do the same thing?

For one reason.

Al Qaeda would put a lot of bullets in their ass.

Which, come to think about it, isn't that bad an idea...


Oh no! America is lost for sure now !

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Al Qaeda has converted Donny Osmond to their beliefs and inducted him into their ranks! Run!

(the resemblance is uncanny, isn't it?   I mean, just downright damn spooky...)


You know, one of the most annoying things is people shitting at the office.  In the bathrooms, of course, not like in the office itself, which is probably something you still find going on in the third world or Al Qaeda bunkers.

In our bathrooms, some wise and learned person decided that instead of Lysol(tm), we should use a product called "One Burst", which is an industrial strength, vanilla scented air freshener. Now, it is true that most people in this world are complete fucking morons, but let me give you all a small, teeny tiny bit of advice.  The term "one burst" means ONE BURST, not two bursts, not five bursts, not ten bursts.

It's called One Burst(tm) for a reason!

I walked into the bathroom this morning to take a whiz and it smelled like someone had shit a gallon of vanilla ice cream. I kid you not. If you produce solid body waste that requires ten bursts of vanilla scented industrial strength air deodorizer to clear out the offending smell that you have produced, I humbly submit that you don't need an aerosol deodorizer at all.

No, you need to go see a doctor who specializes in gastro-intestinal medicine because there is something so very fucking wrong with you.


Talking to one of my users (a self proclaimed Wiccan) today. Guy looks kind of like Vin Diesel, and he even wears snake eye contact lenses sometimes, spooks people at work. Well, he lost his video card on his dual monitor CADD station. Here is a gist of the two way IM conversation:

USER: The video card in my MaxVision Pro 2200 lost the right monitor. Would you please see what you can do about this, it makes working with Microstation very hard.

ME: Send me the equipment number off the tower so I can order another video card and I’ll get right on it.

USER: It's 7249593.

ME:  Okay, I'll get another video card ordered ASAP.  Should take a few days at most, depends on if Jackson has one in stock or if they have to get one from MaxVision.

USER: Video card update! Hey it started working again!

ME: Must be that black magic you practice… ; P

USER It only took a head from a newt, wing from a bat, tongue from a snake, a tail from a rat, a neck from a chicken an eye from a crow and a little itty bitty drip of FAY-GO.

ME: Fay-Go is poison. Don’t you know that? I could drink a case of Fay-Go cherry cola by myself. Evil stuff. VERY addictive.

USER But Fay-GO is the main ingredient in southwest voodoo!


You know, with all the talk lately of cryogenically freezing dead sports stars (like that baseball guy, what's his name... unimportant in the scheme of the human race as a whole so I forget).  I even heard that someone had a wart and some fingernail clippings from Elvis (the wart came from a time when it was removed while Elvis was in the Army) and that this person refused to sell these DNA samples because they were afraid that people would abuse them.

Hell, if we can clone celebrities back from the dead like they did those dinosaurs in that movie Jurassic Park, then let's start with Dale Earnhardt first.

No, scratch that.

If we're going to clone dead celebrities for the sole purpose of reinforcing redneck entertainment, then my vote goes to Jim Varney, the star of all of those wonderful "Ernest" movies, you know, like "Ernest saves Christmas", "Ernest goes to Camp", "Ernest does Dallas", etc.  Jim Varney did far more to push the envelope of white trash trailer park entertainment than Dale Earnhardt ever did.

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RIP, Jim.  We miss you.

I wonder if Rick Medlocke and the other members of the band Blackfoot
ever pulled a Train, Train on some drunken groupie...


I hear that Jason Priestley twatted up his Indy car in a 180mph collision with a wall.

He's in serious condition now with head and back injuries and some broken bones in his feet.

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If he dies, I'm sure there will be a market for Jason Priestley memorial window decals.

Maybe I'll go ahead and design one, just in case.  You know, get a jump on the market.

Worked for Dale Earnhardt.


If you've heard one Rage Against the Machine song, you've pretty much heard them all.

These guys are like the Thin Lizzy of the '90s.  I'd rather listen to country music than RATM.

Better yet, just drill a 1/2" hole in my head and pour in a gallon of microwaved dog piss.

It's about the same effect on the brain.


I wonder why the liberals didn't yank Alice Cooper's "School's Out" off the air after all the school violence a few years ago.  I figured that after all school shooting stuff and those two gun toting twats at Columbine, that a song with lyrics like "... schools been blown to pieces" wouldn't make the grade, but they still play it.  It just blows my mind at the dumbing down of America.  Oops.   Did I say "blows".  Sorry, that term might remind someone of the terrorist attacks and either make them really uncomfortable or possibly hurt their feelings.


Why is it that we can cure yeast infections in three days...

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but it takes 2 weeks to cure athletes foot?

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You would think that after a while, people would understand that tornadoes have the right of way.


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Dana Carvey's new movie, "Laser of Disguise"
Mall theater complex, Lamar County, MS


From the "scary stories with happy endings" file

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CLICK              CLICK

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Roy Ratliff- Human monster- BIH

"Click, Click, BOOM!" - Saliva.

Score one for the good guys!  This was an incredible case, and these two girls are damn lucky to be alive.  Of course, you had trained law enforcement officers working the situation and you didn't have the liberal media sticking their cameras in their faces while they were trying to do their job.

"We don't have to worry about him being rehabilitated," Kern County Sheriff Carl Sparks said of Ratliff. "We don't have to worry about the Supreme Court. He is deceased."

Bwahahahahaha!  Oh hell yeah.  Thinning the human herd of social rejects.  I like this guy Sparks.   I really do.  He's got balls to say that.  Big salute from one badge wearer to another!  -BE


Well, it could be some good advice...

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Found this warning on a piece of new equipment at work.
Not sure what they mean by it, but it does sound like really good advice.

Maybe it's instructions for the fast track path to promotion.

I'd suggest cherry or strawberry flavored Lusty Lube(tm) myself,
just to, you know, get rid of the aftertaste.


blob1.jpg (10484 bytes)        Thanks to Chulo for the Evil Blob!  Mucho gracias, compadre!


Mystery street blobs spark concern !
August 2, 2002 Posted: 3:25 AM EDT (0725 GMT)

While sidewalks everywhere have splotches, the concentration in the Camden neighborhood is high -- dozens in most sections of concrete.

CAMDEN, New Jersey (AP) -- There's something strange underfoot in Camden.

Black blobs polka-dotting the streets and sidewalks of the Waterfront South area have some residents fearful for their health and worried the blobs might signal the end of their neighborhood.

The Department of Environmental Protection doesn't know what it is. Neither does the Camden County Health Department.

When lifelong resident Bonnie Sanders gives a tour of the neighborhood, an area more depressed than most in one of the country's poorest cities, she just points down.

The spots morph over a few days, Sanders explained. The fresh ones look like small oil spills -- most of them round, most of them about 6 inches across. Though they look like liquid, they don't feel like it.

As they dry, the blobs get smaller, darker and look waxy. They end up about the size of a half-dollar and they're not easy to get off the sidewalks.

Some neighbors tell Sanders she's paranoid, that there's a simple explanation for the stuff. Perhaps, they say, it was just chewing gum.

"You could give the whole damn city of Camden a piece of chewing gum and it wouldn't be all these spots," said Sanders, 54.

The spots morph from 6 inches across to the size of a half-dollar.

The Waterfront South is a neighborhood where factories and homes make uncomfortable neighbors. It is strewn with bits of broken bottles, potato chip wrappers and a few stray pieces of furniture.

While sidewalks everywhere have splotches, the concentration in the neighborhood is high -- dozens in most sections of concrete.

Sanders fears the stuff is causing health maladies. "A lot of people are complaining about headaches," she said. "New people are coming down with asthma."

Wanda Johnson is skeptical. The 46-year-old salon worker is less concerned about black goo than she is about whether there are secret plans to raze all the homes in the neighborhood.

She squatted down Wednesday and dug into one of the sidewalk blobs with her car key.

"This is black tar off a roof," she declared as she stared at the speck of stuff at the end of her key.

Maybe. Or maybe not.

State and county inspectors visited the neighborhood site last week.

A quick field test wasn't able to confirm that the substance was petroleum-based, said Department of Environmental Protection spokesman Fred Mumford. That seems to rule out tar from roofs or street repairs and leaky cars.

Officials at more than a dozen industrial facilities and two federal Superfund contaminant sites said they haven't had any operational problems that would cause the splotches, Mumford said.

Bob Lentine, assistant commissioner of the county health department, said he thinks the stuff might be industrial pollutants or fuel discharge from the jets that fly directly overhead from nearby Philadelphia. In any case, it's probably nothing to worry about, he said.

Results of more tests were expected to take a few more days.

And fhat the wuck is THIS black blob stuff?  First it's off the coast of Florida, now it's in New Jersey.  I don't get it.  Maybe it's related to the Boss. -BE


LONDON, England -- A British teenager has been jailed for 12 years for murdering his elderly neighbor and drinking her blood in a vampire ritual.

Vampire-mad art student Mathew Hardman, 17, cut out Mabel Leyshon's heart after stabbing her 22 times at her home in Llanfairpwll, North Wales, last November.

He sliced the 90-year-old's chest open and cut her heart out before wrapping the blood-soaked organ in newspaper and placing it next to two pokers arranged in the shape of a crucifix at her feet, the court was told.

Hardman put the heart into a saucepan containing the pensioner's blood and drank the blood -- believing the ritual would make him immortal, the jury heard.

The teenager was obsessed by vampires and killed Leyshon in a bid to become one of the creatures, the court heard.

He denied any involvement in the murder and said his alleged fascination with vampires was no more than a "subtle interest."

After the jury at Mold Crown Court, Wales, returned its verdict, trial judge Mr Justice Richards lifted an order banning his identification.

Prosecutor Roger Thomas said Hardman committed the murder in a bid to become immortal.

"We submit that in November 2001 he was fascinated by and believed in vampires," Thomas said.

"He believed they existed, believed they drank human blood and believed most importantly that they could achieve immortality -- and he wanted to be immortal."

The murder sent shockwaves through the tourist village of Llanfairpwll PG, best known for having the longest place name in Britain. Its 56-letter full name -- Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwll-llantysiliogogogoch -- is so long that locals abbreviate it.

"The injuries are the worst I have seen in my career," Detective Superintendent Alan Jones told reporters after the murder.

North Wales Police deployed a 60-strong murder team who consulted experts in witchcraft and took DNA samples from more than 100 local people.

Six weeks after Leyshon's death, officers searched Hardman's bedroom, where they found a stash of books, magazines and Internet material devoted to vampires.

Among the books was Bram Stoker's Dracula, as well as a hardback library book entitled The Devil: An Autobiography.

Examination of Hardman's computer showed that he had logged on to Web sites including The Vampire Rights Movement and The Vampire/Donor.

The donor site reads: "The site exists to serve all who might be part of vampire community: gothic lifestyle vampires and non-lifestyle vampires alike, energy feeders, sanguinarians (drinkers of blood); donors, would-be donors, and other loved ones."

Hardman, who had turned 17 only a few weeks before the murder, had already dropped a chilling hint of what was to come during a conversation with a teenage German girl student, who was on an exchange visit to Llanfairpwll, the court was told.

He told her that he believed it was "a perfect place for vampires" because there were a lot of old people there, and if any of them died after being bitten it would be assumed that they had had a heart attack.

She said that after talking about "gothic" fashions, vampires and the paranormal he accused her of being "one of them" and begged her to bite his neck so that he too could become a vampire.

By the time he was arrested he had regularly accused locals of being vampires. Hardman had also deliberately punched himself on the nose to draw blood in a bid to "tempt" them to bite him.

Police were called and as an officer handcuffed Hardman he repeatedly yelled "bite my neck, bite my neck."

What a loser.   Another case for "click, click, BOOM!" IMHO.  I think we should blame this on Acutane as well.  What possible use is this guy to society and why should society pay for his continued existence? -BE


In the latest FOX News nationwide poll conducted by the research firm Opinion Dynamics, fully 71 percent of Americans say they favor making the death penalty mandatory for anyone found guilty of murdering a child. A small minority opposes mandatory death penalty sentences (17 percent) and a few Americans say it depends on the circumstances of the case (8 percent).

Wow!  That's got to be really bad news for the abortionists in this country.  Oh, wait, I forgot.  We live in a country where it is okay to crush the skull and vacuum out the brains and shred the body of a living child still in the mother's womb, but it's wrong to kill a full grown adult who is a convicted murderer because capital punishment is cruel and unusual and America would be seen as being a barbaric nation if we executed criminals.  This is getting to be one fucked up place and you'd have to be blind not to notice it. -BE


New!  This Christmas give your kids the educational gift that everyone is talking about...

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That's right, it's "HIV POSITIVE ELMO"

He says such adorable sayings as:

"S-O-D-O-M-Y.  Now you spell it!"

"This is my LAST needle, be sure to give it back when you're through using it."

"I thought you had a condom."

"I got AIDS from a blood transfusion..."

"I'd do anything for some crank.   Anything."

"Unf.  Unf.  Unf.  Now you gots the AIDS too!  Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!"


There's a Darwin Award here, I can smell it...

Heaven-or-hell argument ends with shotgun slaying
July 29, 2002 Posted: 11:45 PM EDT (0345 GMT)

GODLEY, Texas (Reuters) -- An argument over who was going to heaven and who was going to hell ended with one Texas man shooting another to death with a shotgun, police said Monday.

The man charged in the slaying is a corrections officer.

Johnny Joslin, 20, was allegedly shot by Clayton Frank Stoker, 21, on Sunday. The two had spent Saturday night bar hopping with two other men in Fort Worth, about 40 miles (65 kilometers) northeast of Godley.

Johnson County Sheriff Bob Alford said a witness who was the designated driver for the group told police the four men were sitting at a table outside a trailer park after their night on the town and began arguing about religion.

The talk became heated when the subject turned to who would go to heaven and who would go to hell.

Stoker said he would settle the argument and went into a house and returned with a shotgun, which he loaded and placed in his mouth, Alford said the witness reported.

"The victim Joslin then took the gun out of Stoker's mouth, saying, 'If you have to shoot somebody, shoot me,"' Alford said, citing the witness report.

The shotgun went off, hitting Joslin in the chest and killing him.

Stoker, a Johnson County corrections officer, has been arrested and charged with first-degree murder, Alford said.


Sex would be pretty scary if sperm had teeth.


Dennis Miller said recently, regarding the judges who declared the Pledge of Allegiance unconstitutional: "So, Your Honor, the Pledge is unconstitutional because it says 'Under God.' Guess that means when you were sworn in with your hand on a Bible, and at the end of your oath repeated, 'So Help Me God' that makes your job unconstitutional, therefore you have no job, which means your ruling doesn't mean shit!

I couldn't agree more.   Kudos, Mr. Miller. -BE


Ever notice how so many of life's decisions are so simple, yet everyone has worked so hard to make them as hard as possible? Consider:

In or out
yes or no
girl or boy
truth or lie
left or right
up or down
here or there
right or wrong
black or white
heaven or hell
Republican or Democrat

Think about it.

This world is just way too complicated sometimes.


From the "Can you hear me now?   Good.  Can you hear me now?  Good." file...

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Man, 89, crawls 23 hours to report fatal accident
July 22, 2002

BILLINGS, Oklahoma (AP) -- An 89-year-old man crawled for 23 hours to report a tractor accident that left his wife dead, authorities said.

Florence Ruth Holba of Billings died Friday after the tractor driven by her husband, Edwin Holba, rolled over her on the couple's farm in rural Noble County, state troopers said Saturday.

Mrs. Holba, 80, was standing behind the tractor when Holba's foot slipped off the clutch, the state highway patrol said. The tractor rolled backward over her, pinning her beneath it.

Holba got off the tractor but fell when he went to check on his wife, the patrol said. Holba, who usually requires assistance to walk, was unable to stand and crawled for 23 hours until he reached his residence (400 feet away) and called for help shortly before 10 a.m. Saturday, troopers said.

The couple's son, Jim Holba, said his father crawled about 400 feet from the tractor to his home.

He said his father was hospitalized with dehydration.

One word: Cell-fucking-phone, Jethro! And once you have one, try this handy number to report emergencies: 911. See, that's pretty simple. And someone tell me why an 89 year old man, who can't walk on his own, is allowed to drive a farm tractor and why his wife was standing behind this moron to begin with? -BE


ARCHIVED 9/15/01

ARCHIVED 11/5/01




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