Subject: Keep up the good work
Sent: Sun, 23 May 2004 20:54:10 EDT
I will tell you now that I am ride Harleys, but who cares about that. I just want you to keep pumping up kids to buy those fast bad ass bikes. I started a salvage yard just over 2 years and I am making a killing. Not many people can hande that
kind of performance and it shows, they are droping like flies. And I have more chrome on all four of my HD's than god should allow. I need a bakers 6 speed to go with my 107ci, so push CBR929RR, and the Hayabusa, they really bring in the jack. Say all you want about me, wife, kids, penis, I dont care just keep the money coming this way. Looking forward for you to kill more - no, tell more people about your products.
which I have replied...
“I will tell you now that I am ride Harleys, but who cares about that.”
Your poor old English teacher must have cried herself to sleep every night. Oh, I had a very good laugh at your email mostly because of its wholly ridiculous nature. “I am ride Harleys?” What pure redneck prose! Can anyone out there tell me just what the hell “I am ride Harleys” means?
It’s not that I really expect much intelligence from these hayfucks, but every once in a while, I would think that it would be nice if at least one of the proud owners of “thuh gray-tust gawd-dahm motuh sikkel in thuh hole wurl” would be able to submit to me at least a somewhat intelligent email.
“I just want you to keep pumping up kids to buy those fast bad ass bikes.”
I smiled when you referred to “those fast bad ass bikes” mainly because you didn’t understand that you were, of course, talking about import motorcycles when you used those five words strung together in that descriptive manner. Nothing produced by Harley Davidson or built in Milwaukee could ever be considered to be either fast or bad ass, that is, unless you welded a rocket to it or put it on an emergency crash diet plan the likes of which would make Jenny Craig get moister than a Duncan Hynes cake mix.
As for idiots on sport bikes (we call them “squids”), I’ll be the first to tell you that there are a lot of young fools out there on sport bikes, kids who don’t have a clue, who dye their hair, poke metal through their bodies, listen to (c)rap music, talk like you email, and generally try to live up to some make believe image while trying to be something that they aren’t (kind of like your typical Harley rider only without the (c)rap music part). However, I would also bet that there are far fewer stupid kids on sport bikes than there are dumb ass inbred rednecks riding around on Harleys. The ratios aren’t even close. Sport bikes, by their very nature, require far more intelligence to own than your typical Milwaukee product.
Nowhere on my site will you find me offering advice on buying the biggest, fastest crotch rocket as your first bike; quite the opposite in fact. I recommend you start out small and work your way up in size until you find a displacement and weight of bike that you can handle well and enjoy. My main philosophy on owning a sport bike is “with great power comes great responsibility” followed closely by “the throttle works both ways.”
The reason that young people are buying these super-fast bikes and getting hurt or seriously killed by doing something stupid isn’t a result of anything that they have read on my site, rather it is the cumulative result of having both watched and digested, in whole, such abominable abortions of common sense and good taste as “The Fast and the Furious (1 & 2),” “Biker Boyz” and now “Torque.” Hollywood is to blame for most of the go fast, die young subculture today, not my website but then no one ever claimed that pop culture was geared for anything but the lowest common denominator in society. The truth is, you have to be smarter than what you watch.
“I started a salvage yard just over 2 years and I am making a killing. Not many people can hande (sp) that kind of performance and it shows, they are droping (sp) like flies.”
Well, since you are a proud Harley owner, going into the
salvage business was a obviously a natural choice for you since you are already
more than adequately acquainted with the process of buying junk.
However, I’m a little confused on the point you were trying to make. Did it take
you two years just to start a salvage yard or did you start a salvage yard over
two years ago? If it has taken you over two years to get a salvage yard up and
running, then I honestly could see it taking that long just to get going,
especially if it was being run by someone who owns a Harley. After all, owning a
Harley is the first sign that you don’t have any financial experience or any
kind of a head for business.
I really don’t like how you describe your personal success as “making a killing” while you go and attribute your success to other riders, especially young people, dying on sport bikes. Your financial livelihood apparently comes from the misery and suffering of others and you’re not only happy about that but you’re actually quite proud of it. That’s pretty fucking ghoulish in my opinion and your bragging about it only makes it more so. You claim to own a salvage yard? It doesn’t sound like you’ve got a salvage yard at all, it sounds more like you have a cemetery and that you’re nothing more than a lowlife grave robber. I've got about as much respect for you as I would a lawyer who chases ambulances.
“And I have more chrome on all four of my HD's than god (God?) should allow.”
Ah, good! Another overt chromosexual!
You actually have four Harleys? Do they all work or are you keeping three of
them around as spare parts for the only one that actually does occasionally
manage to crank and stay running? Are all of
your Harleys sitting in your front yard? My guess is that they probably are. I
honestly believe that having four Harleys sitting in your front yard legally qualifies your
property as a salvage yard in its own right in most jurisdictions.
You do realize, of course, that owning multiple Harleys is a not a sign of tremendous success, but rather a sign of failure in both basic education and common sense. Let me break Harley ownership down for you using the following chart to help you understand the situation you are in.
What do you call it when you have one Harley? Gullible.
What do you call it when you have two Harleys? Masochistic.
What do you call it when you have three Harleys? Severe mental retardation.
What do you call it when you have four Harleys? Salvage yard.
What do you call it when you have five Harleys or more? HD Dealership.
Personally, I really don’t think God has any limits on chrome, just like I don’t think He has any limits on stupidity. If the good Lord Almighty, in His infinite wisdom, actually had put limits on either chrome or stupidity, even very generous and liberal limits, then I’m afraid that Milwaukee and Sturgis would have long ago suffered the same fate as Sodom and Gomorrah. Since Harley Davidson and Sturgis are both still around and doing fine, we can at least assume that there is apparently no limit on stupidity (at least from a religious standpoint). There is an old saying; “God must love stupid people because He made so many of them.” The sad fact is, most of them ride a Harley.
Why did you feel the need to put so much chrome on your Harleys? My guess is that you did that in order to make the parts that rattle loose and fall off of your bike easier to find in the tall grass on the shoulder of the highway when you double back to pick them up.
“I need a bakers 6 speed to go with my 107ci, so push CBR929RR, and the Hayabusa, they really bring in the jack.”
I laughingly see that you claim that you actually need a Bakers six speed. Why in the world would you need a six speed transmission for your Harley? That’s like saying you need a Dyers 6-71 blower for your bone stock Ford Escort. I’m just not convinced that Harleys make enough power to ever warrant the use of a six speed transmission.
You need a Bakers six speed?!
Oh for the love of Arlen Ness…
Now, sir, let’s be blatantly honest here … Just how many gears do you really need to ride your bike up and down from its tow trailer and putt-putt around town annoying the ever living fuck out of all the decent motorists? I truly doubt that it is any where near six gears but you’re certainly welcome to dream big! Wanting a six speed for your Harley redefines the term “optimism.”
Harleys, by their very nature and design, are not particularly high revvers or deep breathers therefore they don’t really have very long legs to stretch (think along the lines of an overweight Ewok, not an Olympic sprinter). What little power that your tired old motor does manage to begrudgingly belch out is found way down low in the RPM band. Personally I would never, ever kick a Harley up into sixth gear because I’d be afraid that at that gear ratio, the engine RPMs would probably nose dive down into the single digits. Hell, I bet that if you were riding along on your Harley in sixth gear, you could probably slap your thigh in time to the rise and fall of those two big, old, rusty pistons.
No. I’d say you’d be better off with a three speed transmission (two forward and one reverse gear) and that’s probably still one forward gear too many for the average amount of use that most Harleys get put through on a weekly basis.
“Say all you want about me, wife, kids, penis, I dont (don’t) care just keep the money coming this way. Looking forward for you to kill more - no, tell more people about your products.”
Has the rampant Harley greed really gotten so out of control that inbred shit twinkles like you are so desperate to trick out your rolling, redneck wet dreams that you’ll actually now go as far as to openly advocate the expedited death of young kids, riding bikes different from yours, all in order to make your pathetic chrome dipped trailer park fantasies come true?
Apparently so and I find that the only thing in this world more deplorable than