"Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handlebars to the seat."


From:         ed Wolford wolfmansauto@gmail.com
Sent:          Wednesday, October 23, 2013 7:38 PM
To:              Me
Subject:     Help need advice

Hell yah spread the hate .,,  Makes you feel good to hate . I ride a 600rr get beat by Harleys all the time I hate them but I still have to deal with my friends making fun of me how do you handle this ?
Thank rod




To which I replied


Mr. Wolford,

Thank you for the email and your faith in me that I can offer you, through my many decades of motorcycle riding experience, some small amount of personal advice that might be of use to you in your current personal situation.  Please understand that anger management isn’t really my field of expertise so I can’t help you with your hate or the deep rooted feelings of inadequacy that you’ve obviously been experiencing for quite some time, both of which must make you a real joy to be around.  I have heard that if personal counseling isn’t available to you that there are some remarkably powerful drugs out there that might be prescribed in order to help you.  Perhaps you should ask your regular physician or if you don’t have a regular physician perhaps your parole officer could recommend one to you when you check in with him at your regularly appointed monthly time. 

Now as for the mechanical performance issues that you are experiencing I can definitely help you with that.  If you ride a “600RR” and get beat by Harleys all the time then I have a few suggestions for you:

1)   Improve your riding skills!  If you are consistently getting beaten by Harleys (which have half the horsepower and twice the weight that your “600RR” does) then you must have the riding skills and motorcycle prowess of a total fucking retard, either that or a quadriplegic suffering from epilepsy.

2)   Training wheels!  Maybe you should have the dealer take off the training wheels.  Not only will you go faster on your “600RR” but you’ll be able to lean farther over when you corner.  The dealer usually installs training wheels on “600RRs” when they know that a total fucking retard is going to be riding it off of their showroom floor.

3)   Check your spark plugs!  This is critical that you do this because based on what you have told me so far it is highly probable that the dealer never installed the other three spark plugs in your “600RR”. It is a well-known fact that the dealer will to do this in order to limit the overall power of these high performance engines when they were purchased by people who really never should be allowed to operate anything more powerful than a pink Mattel Power Wheels Barbie Dream Corvette.  The dealer will sometimes take one spark plug out for newbies, two spark plugs for amateurs and three spark plugs for total fucking retards.

From the description of the performance problems that you’re continually having my guess is that your “600RR” was sold to you with only one spark plug installed in it.  You might ask the dealer to install the other three spark plugs for you but there are laws against allowing total fucking retards to operate high performance motorcycles on the street so the dealer might not be able to help you without assuming a large amount of personal liability that the dealer is simply not willing to assume on your part.

Don’t worry, though!  Harley Davidson, on the other hand, seems to have no problems at all with putting total fucking retards on top of their products so if you are unhappy with the performance of your “600RR” then I suggest that you sell it and buy a Harley … after all, Harleys come with two spark plugs from the factory so you’d be ahead of the game right from the start.  It is a well-known fact that Harley Davidson deals exclusively with total fucking retards which is why you never see anything other than total fucking retards riding around on Harley Davidsons.  In this case, the best advice that I can give to you in this regard is to sell your “600RR”, buy a Harley Davidson and join the other total fucking retards rumbling around pretending to be something that they simply are not.  After all, if you can’t beat them you might as well join them and given your personal circumstances I’m sure you’ll be in good company.

Now, as for how I handle the situation that you have consistently experienced in relation to my life and my friends, well, that’s an easy question to answer!  I don’t have to handle that particular situation, ever, because I’m not a total fucking retard, because my 600RR has four spark plugs installed from the dealer, because that situation has never happened to me and because I don’t have any friends.  Pretty simple, really.

I hope this advice helps you out.

Best of luck, Ed!