'99 WS-6 Pontiac Trans-Am LS1 Takes Up For Pathetic 3rdGen
Leaving work today, I'm tired and I'm just going to relax on my 30 mile ride home. I’m thinking about the SWMG, I’m thinking about my websites, some ideas I want to incorporate, and I'm thinking about that smurfy Formula 350 that I can't wait to get my hands on to drop the 406 Lingenfelter in. I'm just letting my mind wander while I navigate through all the traffic in Hattiesburg.
Near Turtle Creek Mall, I start to feel it, a rumble. Like a stereo, only different and then I see it, a black Fox body (like a ’90 model) Mustang GT but instead of the 5.0 on the side, it has the coiled Cobra emblem. It slowly pulls beside me in the right lane, snapping me back to alertness. I watch it sail by slowly, rumbling, my eyes on the Cobra emblem on the side fender.
Yikes! I feel like a guppy who's just been dropped in a tank of sharks.
The Cobra is slowly pulling past me, it sounds powerful, I watch it go past, nice car, VERY well maintained, almost showroom mint, not riced out, looks factory stock except it has some serious meat on it and what appears to be 17” aftermarket silver, not chrome, rims. They look somewhat like the 4thGen SS wheels, but are not as ‘smooth’ on the spokes. I’ve never seen wheels like this before but they do look good, the solid black ‘Stang and the silver / metal wheels and low profile wide black letter tires. I'm not sure if this is a factory Cobra, but if it isn't, it sure is a great looking imposter.
The kid driving it looks over at me, stares at my hood scoop, sees the "5.0 LITER FUEL INJECTION" script and I guess he realizes I’m only packing a 305 TBI. Hegives the Ford some gas, it rumbles with authority, laughing at my little 170hp weakling motor. The Cobra eases away from me with an obvious "you don't stand a chance against me" attitude.
There I am, really wishing that I had the 406 dropped in and I would teach him some respect, but all I have is the tired old L03 with 225k on the clock and no chance at all of even getting close to this guy if we line up. I know it, and he knows it. I think he was looking for an easy kill, someone to play with and humiliate in traffic.
I’m in cruise control, at 45mph. We pass the Super Wal-Mart on 98 West, heading into a 55mph zone where the six lane narrows to a four lane. He is in the far right lane which is a about to become a turn only lane (idiot) and he’s fixing to have to get over before the dotted line becomes a solid. Less than a car length separates us and he gives it gas, not full throttle, about half.
The Cobra sounds strong and it sits down some on its haunches as it accelerates away from me like I was standing still. Five, six car lengths ahead and he slowly, casually pulls over into my lane. I know then there is no way I would stand a chance against him motor for motor so I just do some wishful thinking of finding him again when I have the 406 Lingenfelter in the Formula and being on different ground.
I accelerate to 55mph, tap the cruise again, key up some Sponge on the CD player and just start relaxing. Well, apparently Mr. Cobra isn’t done with me yet. I’m doing 55mph, he’s doing about 50mph, on purpose, going slow so that I catch up to him. He moves over to the left lane, and keeps looking over his right shoulder at me, like he’s judging distance. I slowly close, not really wanting this kind of race action, it seems to be pretty one sided in his favor. He keeps glancing over as I’m coming up on him. I’m about two car lengths away when I notice that he is definitely jinking for position, getting ready to hand me my ass with an easy kill (for him).
I just shake my head, I bet the guy picks on four bangers as well. COBRA- Car Owned By Retarded Asshole. I coined that phrase years ago, it's a favorite of sigs on the Internet and in forums.
I’m closing, preparing to just cruise on past and ignore the retard. What can I do against him? Ignore him is about my strongest attack. Other than that, not much I can do with a tired old L03, stock all the way down to the 700R4 and the 2.77 geared unlimited slip open rear diffy. Then something just tells me to kind of hang back for a second, I don’t know what, but I look up at the Cobra driver. He slams his head back over his right shoulder and looks at me impatiently. I shrug my shoulders and look up in the rear view mirror and I see the most beautiful thing I have seen all day long.
Coming up fast, like 20mph faster than I’m going, is a bright red ram air ’99 Trans-Am. That thing is so wide and mean looking, and it is nose down like a hawk! Those big ram air hood nostrils are unmistakable! Man, this TA is coming on fast! I just tap the cruise and keep the button held, coasting. I fall back about a car length from Mr. Cobra and he glances back, gets this ‘WTF?!” look on his face, and about that time, the red ’99 TA blows past me, jinks into my lane right next to the Cobra, and downshifts. The LS1 engine sounds so fine, it's mechanical music. The Cobra driver’s expression is priceless. I see the gold WS6 emblem below the right side tail light and I shout "Hell yeah!"
I feel like a kid who just had his big brother show up to run off a bully.
I see a hand and finger come out of the TA driver’s side window and the hand dips slightly, pointing forward. The LS1 revs high. Twice, big deep throaty rumble that I can almost feel two car lengths away. The Cobra answers in return but it doesn’t sound quite so powerful now.
The Cobra and the TA both kick it in at the same time and give it all they have. They both squat down hard and take off. For about the first second, it looks like it is a tie, then the TA just up and walks away from the Cobra like he was standing still! The Cobra owner has it nailed to the floor, they are both about six or seven car lengths away from me now and still pulling, but the TA has about a good three car length pull and the Cobra is only falling back now. The TA slows down to let the Cobra catch up so he can stomp him again but the Cobra puts his turn signal on, makes a left turn in the median of the highway and heads back the other direction! He's apparently had enough.
I laughed.
The TA kind of slows down and keeps slowing down. He moves over into the left lane and I resume the speed limit. We pass from the 55mph to the 65mph zone and I get a chance to pull up alongside of him for an instant. I look over and give him a thumbs up with my gloved hand. He cocks his head, laughs, and returns the gesture. I notice he’s wearing driving gloves too. Another enthusiast with a nice machine.
Now that was smurfy! A 4th Gen owner taking up for his 3rd Gen brethren. I respect that a lot. Stupid Cobra. Bit off more than he could chew that time when he was looking for an easy kill. I bet he won't talk about getting his ass handed to him by a LS1, but I bet the 4th Gen'er will let everybody know who won that race.