You might drive like youre from Lamar,
Jones, Jackson, and Harrison County, MS if
You pass on two lane curves
You go straight through curves, dipping fully into the
oncoming lane of traffic before re-entering your side of the road on the far side of the
You pass stopped school
buses while they are loading /
You use turn lanes as passing lanes.
You ever took up two parking places at the local convenience
store, then walked out with a six pack of beer and two quarts of motor oil.
You actually cross over and drive down the oncoming traffic
lane while making a left turn.
You use turn lanes as just another regular lane of traffic,
ignoring the painted indicated arrow and the
big "ONLY" text warnings stenciled into the asphalt.
You have a "Rubbin' is
racing" bumper sticker
If, when you are going around a curve, more than half of
your vehicle crosses the double yellow line into the oncoming lane of traffic.
To you, traffic laws are something that everyone ELSE should
You only look one direction when entering a road
and it's the wrong direction.
When coming to a entrance to the highway with a YIELD sign,
you actually start to SPEED UP instead of slow down.
You think that a YIELD
sign in your lane means that the OTHER lane of
traffic has to slow down for you to merge.
You drive with one foot on
the brake, one foot on the gas, and you have an automatic
You have ever peeled out
from the local Sonic drive-in with your 4x4 Chevy and your dog box rolled out
the back of your pickup bed and caused an accident immediately behind you.
You have working turn signals, but still use hand signals,
and you use them badly.
You dont know the meaning of the following traffic
signs: STOP, YIELD, SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT, HANDICAPPED PARKING ONLY, FIRE LANE NO
PARKING, and RIGHT LANE MUST TURN RIGHT.
Your whip snapping ten foot tall CB antennae slices small
limbs off of bushes in the median and violently strips paint off of other vehicles when
you speed by.
You ever threw some trash out your car that five other
vehicles behind you had to swerve to avoid.
You have a PA speaker hooked up to your CB radio, and you
ever had to get up from a restaurant, go and answer your CB (which you left on full blast
through the PA speaker) and talk to your friend, all the time, leaving the PA speaker on
so that everyone else could hear your entire conversation.
You only obey STOP signs when you have to, or feel like it.
Rolling stops, or going through an intersection with one
foot on the brake, slowing slightly, then applying the accelerator again, is
considered perfectly acceptable.
Its only wrong to run a STOP sign if you make
with the other drivers at the rest of the intersection. Best to just turn your head and
plow on through.
You wait until approaching traffic is three seconds away
from you before you pull directly out onto the highway in front of the oncoming traffic.
Once you enter the highway, it takes you five miles to reach
the speed limit, after which, you then proceed to speed by 2mph over the limit and slowly
leave behind everyone that you recently inconvenienced.
You drive EVERYWHERE in the left lane!
You pass someone, pull in front of them, slow down, put your
signal on, and turn, forcing the person you just passed to either slow down as well, or
swerve to avoid you.
You park sideways and / or take up more than one parking
space at local malls and shopping areas.
You understand having a driving license to be a RIGHT,
instead of a PRIVILEGE.
After it rains, you impress others with your display of raw
power by peeling out on the wet pavement for over a block. In your 4 cylinder Ford Ranger.
You have NO working brake lights.
Your rear brake lights were
long ago damaged and repaired with that emergency red safety tape (which has
now turned pink through years of exposure).
You ever installed Mercury
Capri taillights on your Buick LeSabre, using bailing twine and duct tape.
Out of four headlights, only one still works, and that one
only on high beam.
You have a piece of twine or a bungee cord securing any
opening part of your car or truck, such as a door, hood, trunk.
You drive your semi truck or pickup truck and horse trailer
in the left lane, twenty miles an hour slower than regular traffic is moving.
At intersections, you pour out the entire contents of your
spit cup, including the tobacco juice and saliva soaked napkins, onto the pavement, tap
the cup out, then shut the door again to your vehicle.
You use corner store parking lots to cut through in order to
bypass all the other traffic waiting at the traffic light and to make a right on
red turn. Hey! Why didnt everyone ELSE think of that?!
You actually lowered your Jeep or other 4WD vehicle.
You ever emptied the contents of your drinking cup out the
window of your vehicle. At 45mph, and onto the windshield of the vehicle
in the lane next to you.
You pay more attention to your soccer brats or your cell
phone than you do to driving.
You cant talk on your cell phone and drive at the same
time, but you try. Boy, do you try!
In the five mile drive home from work, you slam on the
brakes more than ten times.
You drive with your baby in your lap.
You wonder why other people are giving you the finger and
honking at you.
If people are passing you in the right lane.
You use the rear bed of your pickup truck as a trash can,
and you empty your truck bed by letting the tail gate down and driving real fast.
You jerk the wheel and cut across three lanes
of traffic at the last instant.
You donít understand the complicated concept of
a turn signal. Go right, flip the stalk up. Go left, flip the stalk down.
Remember to turn the signal off after you complete your turn
or failing that, at least within the next ten miles of your journey, whichever
Youve ever come THIS close (hold fingers to where they
are almost touching) to getting yanked out of your car at the next traffic light, having
your cell phone shoved up your ass sideways, and getting beaten to THIS close (again hold
fingers to where they are almost touching) of your life because of the way that you were
You inconvenience more than 20 people a day just for your
own convenience in traffic.
You drive 10mph faster or slower than the current speed
limit, in conjunction with one, or more of the items in this list.
You constantly straddle the dividing line.
You drive with a doughnut
spare tire, and you speed!
You have one, some, or all of the following:
expired license plate, expired safety inspection sticker, no insurance,
expired or revoked driverís license, open container,
You actually drive better drunk
Your vehicle has been crash damaged on the front and rear,
and you havent repaired it yet.
One of your windows has been replaced with either a black
trash bag or a sheet of clear plastic wrap, secured with duct
You never have enough money to buy a new gas cap to replace
the old, oily rag stuffed down the filler neck, but yet you always have enough money to buy
a carton of cigarettes and a case of beer
You pass through intersections five seconds after the light
for your direction has turned red.
Psychotic Concepts. Stereo installers. Big decals on rear
windows. Everyone has one. Guaranteed poser indicator.
You have an antique tag on a vehicle that is
worth less than what you paid for the tag.
"Pissing Calvin" emblems anywhere on your vehicle. Nuff
You have more than one Earnhardt #3
sticker on your vehicle.
You drive an open topped Jeep, with a roll bar, at highway
speeds, jinking in and out of traffic lanes, and you dont wear your seatbelt.