You might drive like you

You might drive like you’re from Lamar, Jones, Jackson, and Harrison County, MS if…

You pass on two lane curves…

You go straight through curves, dipping fully into the oncoming lane of traffic before re-entering your side of the road on the far side of the curve.

You pass stopped school buses while they are loading / unloading.

You use turn lanes as passing lanes.

You ever took up two parking places at the local convenience store, then walked out with a six pack of beer and two quarts of motor oil.

You actually cross over and drive down the oncoming traffic lane while making a left turn.

You use turn lanes as just another regular lane of traffic, ignoring the painted indicated arrow and the big "ONLY" text warnings stenciled into the asphalt.

You have a "Rubbin' is racing" bumper sticker

If, when you are going around a curve, more than half of your vehicle crosses the double yellow line into the oncoming lane of traffic.

To you, traffic laws are something that everyone ELSE should obey.

You only look one direction when entering a road and it's the wrong direction.

When coming to a entrance to the highway with a YIELD sign, you actually start to SPEED UP instead of slow down.

You think that a YIELD sign in your lane means that the OTHER lane of traffic has to slow down for you to merge.

You drive with one foot on the brake, one foot on the gas, and you have an automatic transmission equipped vehicle.

You have ever peeled out from the local Sonic drive-in with your 4x4 Chevy and your dog box rolled out the back of your pickup bed and caused an accident immediately behind you.

You have working turn signals, but still use hand signals, and you use them badly.

You don’t know the meaning of the following traffic signs: STOP, YIELD, SLOWER TRAFFIC KEEP RIGHT, HANDICAPPED PARKING ONLY, FIRE LANE NO PARKING, and RIGHT LANE MUST TURN RIGHT.

Your whip snapping ten foot tall CB antennae slices small limbs off of bushes in the median and violently strips paint off of other vehicles when you speed by.

You ever threw some trash out your car that five other vehicles behind you had to swerve to avoid.

You have a PA speaker hooked up to your CB radio, and you ever had to get up from a restaurant, go and answer your CB (which you left on full blast through the PA speaker) and talk to your friend, all the time, leaving the PA speaker on so that everyone else could hear your entire conversation.

You only obey STOP signs when you have to, or feel like it.

Rolling stops, or going through an intersection with one foot on the brake, slowing slightly, then applying the accelerator again, is considered perfectly acceptable.

It’s only wrong to run a STOP sign if you make eye contact with the other drivers at the rest of the intersection. Best to just turn your head and plow on through.

You wait until approaching traffic is three seconds away from you before you pull directly out onto the highway in front of the oncoming traffic.

Once you enter the highway, it takes you five miles to reach the speed limit, after which, you then proceed to speed by 2mph over the limit and slowly leave behind everyone that you recently inconvenienced.

You drive EVERYWHERE in the left lane!

You pass someone, pull in front of them, slow down, put your signal on, and turn, forcing the person you just passed to either slow down as well, or swerve to avoid you.

You park sideways and / or take up more than one parking space at local malls and shopping areas.

You understand having a driving license to be a RIGHT, instead of a PRIVILEGE.

After it rains, you impress others with your display of raw power by peeling out on the wet pavement for over a block. In your 4 cylinder Ford Ranger.

You have NO working brake lights.

Your rear brake lights were long ago damaged and repaired with that emergency red safety tape (which has now turned pink through years of exposure).

You ever installed Mercury Capri taillights on your Buick LeSabre, using bailing twine and duct tape.

Out of four headlights, only one still works, and that one only on high beam.

You have a piece of twine or a bungee cord securing any opening part of your car or truck, such as a door, hood, trunk.

You drive your semi truck or pickup truck and horse trailer in the left lane, twenty miles an hour slower than regular traffic is moving.

At intersections, you pour out the entire contents of your spit cup, including the tobacco juice and saliva soaked napkins, onto the pavement, tap the cup out, then shut the door again to your vehicle.

You use corner store parking lots to cut through in order to bypass all the other traffic waiting at the traffic light and to make a ‘right on red’ turn. Hey! Why didn’t everyone ELSE think of that?!

You actually lowered your Jeep or other 4WD vehicle.

You ever emptied the contents of your drinking cup out the window of your vehicle. At 45mph, and onto the windshield of the vehicle in the lane next to you.

You pay more attention to your soccer brats or your cell phone than you do to driving.

You can’t talk on your cell phone and drive at the same time, but you try. Boy, do you try!

In the five mile drive home from work, you slam on the brakes more than ten times.

You drive with your baby in your lap.

You wonder why other people are giving you the finger and honking at you.

If people are passing you in the right lane.

You use the rear bed of your pickup truck as a trash can, and you empty your truck bed by letting the tail gate down and driving real fast.

You jerk the wheel and cut across three lanes of traffic at the last instant.

You don’t understand the complicated concept of a turn signal. Go right, flip the stalk up. Go left, flip the stalk down. Remember to turn the signal off after you complete your turn or failing that, at least within the next ten miles of your journey, whichever comes first.

You’ve ever come THIS close (hold fingers to where they are almost touching) to getting yanked out of your car at the next traffic light, having your cell phone shoved up your ass sideways, and getting beaten to THIS close (again hold fingers to where they are almost touching) of your life because of the way that you were driving.

You inconvenience more than 20 people a day just for your own convenience in traffic.

You drive 10mph faster or slower than the current speed limit, in conjunction with one, or more of the items in this list.

You constantly straddle the dividing line.

You drive with a doughnut spare tire, and you speed!

You have one, some, or all of the following: expired license plate, expired safety inspection sticker, no insurance, expired or revoked driver’s license, open container, controlled substance.

You actually drive better drunk / stoned.

Your vehicle has been crash damaged on the front and rear, and you haven’t repaired it yet.

One of your windows has been replaced with either a black trash bag or a sheet of clear plastic wrap, secured with duct tape.

You never have enough money to buy a new gas cap to replace the old, oily rag stuffed down the filler neck, but yet you always have enough money to buy a carton of cigarettes and a case of beer …

You pass through intersections five seconds after the light for your direction has turned red.

Psychotic Concepts. Stereo installers. Big decals on rear windows. Everyone has one. Guaranteed poser indicator. ‘Nuff said.

You have an ‘antique’ tag on a vehicle that is worth less than what you paid for the tag.

"Pissing Calvin" emblems anywhere on your vehicle. ‘Nuff said.

You have more than one Earnhardt #3 sticker on your vehicle.

You drive an open topped Jeep, with a roll bar, at highway speeds, jinking in and out of traffic lanes, and you don’t wear your seatbelt.

BACK