350 VS 302 - MussTang BOB 02:03:57 3/19/99 (30)
All of you chevvy girls need to get a real car, like the
Your 305 slow blocks can't handle the mighty 302 Ford so you have to
drop in a 350 just in order to be able to keep up with our 302s! What jokes!
Why don't you just get a real car, a man's car, and embrace the power
of the Blue Oval? Come, feel the power of Ford!
350 Chevy VS 302 Ford. Important
The Horsewhipper responds....
Thanks for stopping by. I'm really glad that you did,
because I wanted to
pass along some really important medical research results that I found on
the Internet. These tests were conducted by Johns Hopkins and Harvard and
have been published in many major medical journals.
You see, there has been proven to be a direct link between the displacement
of current Ford muscle car engines in cubic liters and the length of the
erect male penis (also a 'muscle') of Ford sports car owners in inches. An
alarming trend has set in that bears your thinking about!
Everything was OK in the mid to late '60s and early '70s, when you had big
engines in your Fords, like the 428 Super Cobra Jets and Boss 429s. At that
time, the average engine size was just a little over 7 liters. The average
male Ford owner's penis size was, also, and thought to be just a coincidence
at the time, just a little over 7 inches, give or take a little, usually a
But as the '70's really set in, doctors began to notice that the owners of
Ford cars were running into reproduction problems. Their penises were
shrinking, every year, getting a little smaller and a little smaller. An
alarming trend was that this reverse evolutionary development coincided with
the gelding of the Mustang as a pony car and, and the shrinking of any
'muscle' found under it's hood.
Nervous and terrified Ford owners thought this shrinkage would stop at the
Mustang GT 5.0, when the average length of a Ford Mustang GT owner's penis
hovered around 5 inches when erect, give or take a little, usually a little.
This condition seemed to stabilize for about a decade, and a false sense of
security set in.
Now, with the introduction of the new series of Ford 4.x liter engines, we
are again seeing a rapid and overall decrease in the fully erect length of
the average male Ford owner's penis. The performance of the male
reproductive system of the typical Ford owner and the performance of their
chosen 'muscle' cars has now been medically proven to be directly linked.
Many Ford owners find that they have erectile dysfunction, which can be
linked directly between their 'muscle' cars not being able to perform
adequately, and their own 'muscle of love' not being able to perform 'when
it really matters', to put the subject delicately.
Typical Ford owners find that they, and their cars, cannot satisfy
adequately when the demand or 'the need' presents itself. This leads to
despondence, a transference of hair from the top of the head to the palm of
the hand, a heightened desire for subwoofers, bass, and other car stereo
components, and a sharp increase in the attraction to neon, hacking off the
coils of the springs, replacing factory wheels with extra small dinky chrome
units mounting inadequate (again, teeny tiny) surfaces on which white letter
or even white wall tires are installed. These and several other disturbing
dark desires which bubble to the surface are now being found to be directly
related to the male's choice of vehicle, and this trend, thankfully, only
seems to affect owners of Ford and so called 'blue oval' models.
This trend in decreasing performance both on the street and in private has
been carefully documented and spans almost three decades now! The research
is there, Bob! You can't ignore it.
Experts agree. Something must be done or soon, Ford owners will no longer
be able to reproduce with anything other than a crippled, blind and
desperate nanny goat. A evolutionary move that in many opinions would see
an influx of much needed genetic material of a positive nature into the gene
pool of those who drive the blue oval products.
Bob, what also alarms me about your post is that I see that you refer to
several members of this group as "girls". While we do have some 'girls' (or
'chicks' as the Ford owners like to call them) in this group, we are not all
Your reference to all of us being 'girls' just goes to prove my point that
you are suffering from severe erectile dysfunction, to the point that
anything that moves is starting to look good to you. This scares me.
Having you and your Rustang come up behind me and my 3rdGen at a stop
light might take on a whole new meaning of the word "rear ended"!
Also, Bob, please have some common courtesy. Our 'girls' are not 'girls',
they are women. That's W-O-M-E-N. I know that term is strange to a Ford
owner, but God created man and woman, not man and girl.
Women! Good looking women! Something that Ford owners have found strangely
vacant from their camp for a very long time now. In fact, with the absence
of any even remotely attractive members of the opposite sex in the Blue Oval
(also the Blue Ovary) camp, you really have to wonder what serious dating is
like for the owner of a Ford 'muscle' car.
If anyone can find a way to reproduce homosexually, the experts now believe
that Ford owners are well on their way to creating a same sex offspring! I
think that the Discover channel will be running a special on this later this
year... I'll let you know when it is on, Bob. It will be interesting to
watch to say the least!
Also. By your very posting, I can only assume that there are no good
looking women who hang around the Ford camp, and you must cross into 'enemy
territory', as it were, in order to secure a possible date and / or attempt
to reproduce. Much like the Neanderthal cave men would run to an enemy's
cave, grab a woman, and then drag her away. I'm afraid it doesn't work like
that around here, Bob. Although the typical Ford owner may have
evolutionarily regressed to a Neanderthal (and is now hung like a pimple),
that kind of behavior will simply not be tolerated around here.
I must also stress to you that our women like to be satisfied, both in a
high performance and in a sexual manner, to the point of thorough
fulfillment. With the current reverse evolutionary development of the
typical male Ford owner's reproductive system, and it's obvious lack of
'displacement', 'staying power' and 'performance' to be tact, I think that
you will find your chances of 'scoring' to be better with the crippled,
blind, desperate nanny goat mentioned above than with any of our 'girls'.
There's a reason that the good looking women are found in GM F-body sites
and not in Ford camps. There is a reason that Ford owners have to come over
here to try to pick up the good looking women. Sadly, Bob, I think that you
will find nothing but heartache and rejection here. I'm truly sorry if you
expected to find more.
As for advice on how to solve your situation, I, for one, know of no
crippled, blind, or desperate nanny goats that are members of this group so
I'm afraid you'll just have to look else where for your sexual urges to be
fulfilled. You might try going on over to
There you might find one or two of the poor creatures, lurking in the chat
room, but since there are only one or two of them, and a lot of other Ford
owners looking for the same thing that you are, you will obviously have to
be quick to catch one of them before someone else does. And I'm sure that
you now realize that the term "Quick" and "Ford" do not go together. It's
just something that you and your car show an obvious lack of being able to
perform, in any capacity, sexually or performance wise.
I wonder if they'll do a study on unsatisfied, desperate, blind, and
crippled nanny goats in the future? I bet the statistics will be found to
also relate directly to the ever shrinking Ford owner's male reproductive
There is hope for you, Bob, and it's your last option tonight. Your last
option, sadly, is that you may have to simply use that hand that you have
built up so strongly on all of those lonely nights sitting there at the
computer and surfing the web 'one handed', looking at pictures of fine women
standing next to GM muscle cars, and you, there, wishing that your daddy had
bought you a real car, instead of that gelded pony that grazes listfully out
there in your drive way. You know, the hand that helped you to install all
that neon and stereo equipment in the very same car. The hand that is your
best, and only, friend in this world.
What does this all boil down to? Simple, but you are not going to like it.
I'm afraid that medical research has now shown conclusively that Ford owners
really are dicks.
And they're getting smaller all the time...