The most fun you can have in corporate cubicleville is sending or receiving Interoffice Memos. These are delivered by the hard working mailroom employees (a subspecies of homo sapiens if ever there was one) dilligently all business day long. They don't care what you put in there, just as long as it doesn't weigh too much. So sending love letters, death threats, etc. is all part of the game. It gets delivered without fail, it never gets opened, and best of all, its FREE! Even shipping across town or to another branch location elsewhere in the state, FREE! We used IM to the fullest extent to keep ourselves entertained. Below are some of the choicest cuts from the IM pile.
Remotely yours, Christopher T. Shields
Mr. William J. Adcox, Taxes
FROM: Information Systems
RE: Your Last Memo
Dear Mr. Adcox,
We were very extremely pleased among other things to receive your recent inter-office memo. There was much rejoicing here at the Information Systems Department.
"Look!" said Raymond. "A inter-office memo from Mr. Adcox. Oh, I'm very extremely pleased among other things."
Raymond then proved to us all that a inter-office memo, once crumpled properly, could achieve aerodynamic stability in trans-sonic flight long enough for it to reach orbit. Sadly, fifteen seconds into the launch, Raymond discovered that he had forgotten to attach a ceramic heat shield to the memo ...
You can rest assured that the reentry of your memo was spectacular, gaining the appreciation of all those present who gathered in the parking lot to witness the pretty colors and the long trail of dark black smoke, contributing to a chorus of 'Ooohs' and 'Ahhhs' and the occasional 'What pretty colors.' One person was moved to comment that this seemed like a Kodak moment.
Further testing of our new inter-office orbital insertion will continue, along with the new improved model, the Inter Continental Ballistic Memo (ICBM). Raymond is pretty sure that his idea for the memo interceptor system, which he calls 'Patriot', will also be a noble design.
I, however, think that the ability to intercept and destroy inter-office memos long before they ever reach you would defeat the purpose of the inter-office memo in the first place and the balance of power might tilt unfavorably to E-mail, or some other God-awful electronic form of communication that we here at the Information Systems Department would have to install and take care of.
Eagerly looking forward to future dynamic relations with you and your department, we at the Information Systems Department will remain humbly
Out To Lunch,
Christopher 'The Fixer' Shields
Raymond The Other Fixer Wilson
Dear, Dear, and we do mean Dear Mr. Shields,
William J. Adcox (aka
From: GOD the ALMIGHTY (aka 'The Big 3 in 1')
Re: Insubordination of a Righteous Scale
It has recently come to My attention that you have been making fun of My Son, Jesus. I Myself have a sense of humor, but this matter has been going on for quite some time now. You may not realize it, but Jesus has feelings too. Jesus came to Me one day and He was weeping. When I asked Him what was wrong, He said that some mere mortal had been talking about Him behind His back. This heinous matter quickly began to irritate Me, which brings us to the reason for this memo.
My Son, with whom I am well pleased, has done much for you and your kind, yet all I ever hear from you is jokes like the 'three kilometer crucifix drag' and 'Jesus is coming back as soon as He learns to play the piano again.' With this, and other things in mind, I would very much like to talk to you at My earliest convenience, regarding this matter at which time you, I, and Jesus will sit down and discuss this matter in great detail. We will also discuss why you voted for Bill Clinton, which remains a mystery even to Me...
Looking forward to a very, very serious talk with you real soon, I remain
Righteous, Omnipotent and Divinely Miffed
P.S. I asked My neighbor, Satan, to send Me some of his travel brochures, which I think, you will find to make for some enlightened reading ...
TO: All Employees
RE: Holiday Leave
The tiny Mexican state of San Paco will be celebrating its Dia de Independicia Nacionale (National Independence Day) on Sunday, September 19. This event marks the 253rd day anniversary of Muy Grande Generale Y Muy Simpatico Hombre (the really big and nice general) El "Cid" Guapo Muchacho De LaNacho Taco Grande who led a heroic and valiant San Pacoian People's Revolution against the notorious dictator Muy Grande Generale Y Muy Simpatico Hombre El "Cid" Guapo Muchacho De LaManeha Burrito Grande.
The overthrown dictator ran for the border and everyone lived happily ever after con mucho gusto, con vida loco.
Commemorative plastic cups will be offered at local participating Taco Bell restaurants.
The Bank has set this day aside as a employee holiday. The bank will be closed all day on Sunday, September 19, 1993 in honor of this great occasion. This is not a paid holiday, and employees are not required to celebrate.
CC (or someone with these initials)