The night I took my
1984 Honda Interceptor to the Sigma Chi Social
Friday, March 4, 1992
It was a Friday night in early March of 1992 when Kevin, a Sigma Chi that I worked with at County Market, invited me back to a social / dance that his frat was having after work (in the nice big house (on the end of Frat Row) that they took from us right before I became a KA). I wasn't one for socials but I went there to mingle and to revisit our old KA frat house. Kevin was the only Sigma Chi that I knew and after seeing how they partied I understood why Keven was the only Sigma Chi that I knew.
Sigma Chis were boring; they threw parties with as much life to them as a Jerry Lewis Telethon. It wasn't long after I got there that I got bored.
Boring Sigma Chis.
No good looking women.
Maybe it was a swap with Alpha Delta Pi (ADP which were referred to more than often as "Apes Dogs and Pigs").
Crappy entertainment and a sound system that barely got louder than the crowd. Moving through the crowd it struck me that these people were lost. If they weren't listlessly swaying to the boring music they were mingling in small groups. Alcohol seemed to be the only good thing about this party and it was evident who had already had more than their fair share. I lost track of how many Sigma Chis came up to me, some of them putting their arm around me, telling me how great a party it was. I just smiled and agreed, effortlessly merging with the crowd in order to not stand out.
I didn't know where Kevin was ... we had parted company almost as soon as we had joined the party and now I couldn't see him anywhere.
Not a problem, I wasn't planning on staying long anyway and now that I was here I was already wanting to leave.
A drunk frat guy bumped into me from behind, almost spilling his Solo cup of ... whatever he was drinking.
"Hey, man!" he said in a tone that indicated that he had known me from birth. "Glad you could make it!"
"Great party!" I lied.
"Hell yeah!" my new best friend replied. "Hey! Stay right here, okay!"
I nodded, not knowing what else to do.
My new best friend moved through the crowd and after about two minutes returned with another Solo cup, handing it to me.
"Here you go!" he said.
"Thanks!" I said, not knowing what it was and certainly not intending to drink any of it.
My new best friend raised his glass in a toast and drank deeply from his own cup. I raised my cup and took a sniff. It smelled like apple juice and cat piss.
"What is this?" I asked.
"Whoop juice! Try it!" he said, laughing.
I held the cup up to my lips, tilted the cup back and let the liquid play over my top lip, sealing it tightly so that nothing got in my mouth. I faked swallowing then lowered my cup. The smell of apples and cat piss was still there ... now under my nose, in my beard and mustache.
"Good, huh?!" he asked.
"I'm going to go see my girlfriend and her friend. Have fun! There's more whoop juice if you want it."
Oh boy!, I thought.
My host merged with the crowd and I walked around some more, searching for anyone interesting who I might know or might want to talk to.
I kept my cup of apple juice and cat piss as a prop, every now and then raising it to my lips and pretending to take a drink or using it to salute some frat boy or sorrority girl who nodded at me or raised their own cup in my direction. It didn't take me long to determine two things ...
The first was that I didn't know anyone here ... except maybe Kevin and he couldn't be found.
The second was that I really was just wasting my time here and I needed to leave.
Like I said ... this party or swap or whatever it was had about as much excitement as a Jerry Lewis Telethon (and the people who actually were dancing to the lackluster music moved with all the grace that a group of Jerry's Kids could muster). To think that this grand old house had once been the center for all things Kappa Alpha ... southern gentility and kick ass parties and now it was ... this. It was a disgrace to understand the history of what this house had been like before and to see it populated now by these rank amateurs.
I walked by the pool table and set my cup down in one of the side pockets then headed for the back door and the patio where Kevin and I had parked our sport bikes. I still hadn't found or seen Kevin so I decided to just leave without telling him. I'd see him at County Market soon enough and if there were any ill-feelings on me leaving so soon I'm sure we'd work them out then. I went out back to the rear patio, exiting out the large set of wood and glass rear doors and shut them behind me. The noise ... because it could only be called noise, diminished greatly though not completely with me shutting the doors. I walked over to where I had parked my ’84 Honda VF500F Interceptor, fired it up, put my gloves on, left my Bell helmet under the bungie net on the back of the seat and sat there with the liquid cooled V4 idling softly … waiting. The muted sound of the social gathering carried over as a dull roar that seemed to pass through the walls of the old house. Inside it was dark with the flickering glow of dance lights and the occasional snap of a camera flash.
Someone preserving a moment that they thought was worth preserving but was in fact nothing more than a waste of perfectly good film.
I was about to ride away when the back patio door opened and my adopted host came out. He took one look at my Interceptor and lit up in a smile.
"Cool bike!" he shouted.
A few people near him turned to look and suddenly I was the attention of a small group of swap goers.
"Hey! Are you leaving?" my host asked.
"Past my bedtime. You all party way too hard for me." I said loudly.
"What?" he asked, not having heard me at all.
"Yeah!" I shouted back.
I guess he didn't hear me that time either because he moved on out to the patio and leaned up against the open door, motioning for me to come on back into the party. I shook my head and he motioned again, smiling, this time with a lot more gesturing and effort. Another Sigma Chi, looking to be as far on his way to being drunk as my host, stepped out and opened the other patio door, smiling and motioning for me to come on back in to the party. I held up both hands in reply, really and I mean really not wanting to rejoin the gathering of inebriated idiots back inside.
"Hey! Bring your bike in here!" my host said.
"What?!" I asked him, not sure if I had heard him correctly or not.
He motioned for me to come on back inside and so did the other Sigma Chi holding the door opposite of him open.
"Ride your bike on in here!" my host shouted.
"Yeah!" the other Sigma Chi said, raising his Solo cup.
I looked at the party going on inside. What the hell ... I lifted my Interceptor off of its side stand, kicked the stand back up and out and edged the Interceptor forward, slowly. If they wanted me to ride through the house on my bike I could do that, no problem. Not my fraternity and not my frat house ... any more. I rode into the house and let my bike join the party in the main room. Everyone was so out of it that it took almost a minute for the Sigma Chis to realize that there was someone in the main room with them, slowly riding a red, white and blue Honda sport bike around on the inside of their frat house. People moved aside, left and right, as I slowly rode around the main social room. There was a lot of confusion. Girls smiled. Guys either nodded and raised their cups or looked at me in shock and awe. My entrance and my tour lasted maybe a minute ... maybe two minutes.
And that's when the fun began.
When it happened it was almost like a wave, you could see it spread out among the crowd. Despite the roar of the gathered people and the loud music it was clear that a Honda sport bike wasn't supposed to be a part of the party. In fact, you could see shock and confusion slowly turn to anger and dismay ... like I said, it was almost like a wave that went over the crowd. While it lasted it was fun to see drunken people scrambling to get out of the way of the slow moving, high revving V4 as I flashed my headlight, honked my horn and rode through that crowd of dancing, spastic social retards. Now, like I said, drunken frat boys go from startled and confused to really angry a little slower than normal but the change is still there and it was pretty easy to figure out when my welcome had worn out from some of what they started to shout at me. Someone grabbed my left clip on and I brought my fist down on the hand hard, causing someone to cry out and jerk their hand back. A beer bottle came flying at me and hit another Sigma Chi by mistake. Someone grabbed my arm and I elbowed them, hard. I don't know where I elbowed them but it must have been someplace that didn't feel good because whoever grabbed me by the arm immediately let go and didn't try to do it again.
Amid the mass confusion that I had created, I did one last slow turn around the big social room scattering party goers while a gathering crowd of angry frat boys and their dates formed in my wake. So far no one had really tried to take me off the Honda ... and it wouldn't have been hard to do with that many Sigma Chis all around me but they were all still a bit confused ...
What was going on?
Was this some kind of joke?
Who was this guy on the Honda?
A new pledge?
A Sigma Chi they had never seen before?
Who invited this guy to the swap?
Was there supposed to be a Honda Interceptor riding around the inside of their house, revving its engine and chasing people around the room?
That didn't seem right ... maybe they should put a stop to it and get some answers.
Several Sigma Chis obviously finally understood that I shouldn't be there. Another beer bottle was thrown and I ducked, letting it sail past me and hit the wall. I turned the Interceptor towards the front of the house and gave it some gas, riding down the long entrance hall towards the front door. The crowd parted down the long main hall and I was lucky that some ditzy blonde saw me coming and opened the front door to let me out, laughing at the situation she had just walked in on without really understanding what was going on.
"Hey! I like your dress!" I shouted to her.
"Thanks!" she shouted back, blushing slightly, still not really understanding what was going on.
Sorority girls. I'd never liked them ... even though I was a fraternity guy I had never really wanted to date a sorority girl and that right there told me again exactly why I had that policy. With a shake of my head and a chuckle to myself I roared right past her and out onto the front porch.
The front steps to the house ... and they looked a lot steeper than I remembered them being but I had to take the steps because the rest of the front porch was elevated and I didn't want to ride the Honda off into thin air with a three foot drop.
wasn't the first set of steps that I'd ridden down (or up) on the Honda
but if I dumped the Honda here I'd get swarmed by a bunch of pissed
off, drunken Sigma Chis and that really wasn't how I wanted to end my
night. I stood up in the saddle of the Interceptor and held tight as
the Honda tipped forward and started to roll down the front steps. I
braced against the impact when the Honda hit the angle between the
front steps and the sidewalk.
Some late comers had to move out of the way as I rode down the front steps, down the sidewalk, off the front curb, down Frat Row and then on home.
To say that the Sigma Chis were not pleased at my choice of shortcuts through their frat house is an understatement but drunken frat boys can’t chase you very far (they tend to fall down and throw up in the street). I sat on the Interceptor, idling there in the drive in front of the house as an angry mob slowly spilled out, gathering members as it went, growing in size, and heading towards me. Someone flipped me off. I laughed, worked the clutch and throttle, hoisted the front end of the Interceptor in the air like a prancing horse and rode the Honda away on one wheel for half a block before letting it fall slowly back to the street.
Also, it should be noted that after this, I was never, ever invited back to the Sigma Chi house or to any more Sigma Chi parties. In fact, Kevin caught some real heat for inviting me to that party and he told me that I was officially black-listed from any further Sigma Chi social events but after all it was only Sigma Chi so what did I care …
When word of my little stunt got back to my own fraternity, especially to my fraternity president, I figured I was going to get into some kind of trouble as well since the head of Sigma Chi had talked to the head of Kappa Alpha but nothing happened other than the president of my fraternity chapter telling me that I was blacklisted from any Sigma Chi activities and that I was offically not welcome anywhere on Sigma Chi house property. In fact, after that, my fraternity brothers gave me the unofficial nickname of "D-Day" after the character in the National Lampoon cult classic movie "Animal House" and the nickname stuck for the rest of the year until I graduated.
Yeah, I have some really good college memories with that ’84 Honda VF500F Interceptor ... some really good memories.