4th Gen F-Body Owner Pays For His Arrogance
What is with some 4thGen F-body owners?It's like they have this attitude that everything up to the 4th Gen F-body was a total mistake by GM and the sooner it rusts or gets taken off the road or relegated to a junkyard the better.
Case in point.
I hate people who drive in the left lane because it's a sure sign of mental retardation. That and wearing your clothes (hat) backwards, which is what this 4thGen'er had going for him. Well, coming into Hattiesburg, it's looking like a good morning. Where is the MHP? Mysteriously, they are not in their usual hiding places, so that must mean that they are congregated up ahead, behind the last big hill leading into Hattiesburg, across from Petro Nissan.
I've already had two cars pull out directly in front of me, so I do the right lane to left lane to right lane shuffle. And then these cars move over and drive in the left lane. Sigh. I reach the 65mph break where it turns to 55mph (entering urban areas) and I look back and see a '99 White / blue stripe TA with the ram air hood. He's hauling ass up behind me.
It's a teenager, driving it like a 15 year old who's never been in a fast car before... Moron. He comes right up on my rear, within one foot, I kid you not, and I punch it because I think he's not paying attention and he's about to rear end me, and he whips over into the left lane and powers up like he's barnstorming. I flip him off and he starts to slow down when he sees me giving him his IQ digit with my one finger. Up ahead, a car pulls out into his lane, and he hesitates. Does he jerk into my lane, or what? If he waits, maybe the car will pull over into my lane and he can power on away from me and leave me sucking his dust. He decides that the car will move out of his way.
He realizes his mistake too late and starts to accelerate, but I get the jump on him just enough to give him zero space to whip back in front of me. The car in the left lane does 55mph, and I match cruise, add a mph or two, and very SLOWLY edge past the left lane hugger in the right lane. This guy in the 4th Gen is getting furious. He's either dog cussing me or singing along with the latest (c)rap hit .All that power, and so little brains... I shake my head. Well, I manage to edge on past the guy, we're coming up to Oak Grove road and a stop light on the highway. There's an 18 wheeler in front of me, a car in front of him, and I have just enough space, if I punch it, maybe, if the L03 still has some pep in her, to move over to the left lane in front of the other car / TA.
I flip the toggle switch for the solenoid activated hood scoop, feeling it thump open and I punch it.
Dang, the L03 runs good in this cold weather, she's kind of high spirited! I get a car length ahead, and whip over (turn signal on just to telegraph my intention and rub it in to this moron) and then start to decelerate for the light half a mile ahead (it's red). The TA has a choice: Get behind the 18 wheeler (and use the turn only lane up ahead to pass the 18 wheeler like most Lamar county people do) or stay behind the car he's behind now (behind me, making him in third place). He elects to stay behind the car. I guess my brain and his are moving on different gears. The light turns green, I accelerate a little faster than normal, like a good 1/3 throttle, not enough to chirp the tires or anything juvenile like that, but enough to get going and get ahead of all the other traffic and enough to get about two car lengths ahead of the 18 wheeler. I put my signal on, make sure that I'm not going to piss off a trucker, count to three, and then casually move on over. I count to two and kill the signal.
I think the kid in the TA is actually trying to push the car in front of him out of the way.
He's that pissed and driving that aggressively.
He has just *got* to show me he's better than I am. All that power... When the car that is in front of him does get beside me, I realize that we're heading into some serious traffic. The car in front of him is right next to me, and then it pulls gently off into a turn lane for a curb store / gas station. He's got a free lane now and I know what is about to happen...
I hear the LS1 kick down and this guy slams past me. Sweet sound, I'm a little jealous of those motors. I'll have one some day, used of course, but for now, I just enjoy the show. He flips me off again, good and long, hand out the window, arm raised up, and I give him the jack off motion in return. I'm doing 55mph.The speed limit for this heavily congested zone. I know that this kid is heading full speed right into what 'could' be a MHP speed trap (they love to burn people doing 65mph in a 55mph zone). They're poaching spot is just ahead.
"Please, oh please be up there waiting..." I say to no one in particular.
I hope my karma is more powerful than this kid's.
And then I see it. That progression of third brake lights lighting up in succession, as driver after driver verifies to me through the old reliable red light telegraph that which I can't see beyond the hill. Something is up there that is making people slow way down. I can only guess what it could be...
I see the MHP sitting up ahead as I get closer to the hill, pointing right at me, clicking cars as they crest the hill, but the kid doesn't. He's oblivious and totally misses what the rest of the herd is stopping for (pantomime hand going over head missing completely, and insert bionic sound here from the 6 Million Dollar Man TV series). Being a young male, well, that happens sometimes. Sometimes, your nads just blind you, like when you have to prove a point about how much better you are than someone else... like when you are in a 'totally' superior car, and someone else just won't give you the proper respect that you deserve.
I'm so evil sometimes.
I should have just let this guy go, ignored his juvenile tactics, but I just couldn't. I had to push his buttons... This guy must be doing 90mph in a 55mph zone, he's showing me how much 'better' his 4thGen WS6 LS1 TA is than my old beater TBI Formula.
"Go ahead, kid, show me all you have..." I mumble. "Please, make my morning!"
He hauls up behind some traffic, can't pass, then whips into the turn lane, passes two cars, crossing the solid yellow line twice, and yanks it right back over in front of traffic on the other side of the hill. I guess that's when he saw the MHP unit there, about a car length from where he yanked over.
I don't know who was more surprised, the MHP officer or the kid. Close call there. When the kid sees the unit, two things happen almost at the same instant in time.
1) The TA slams on the brakes, and waddles from side to side, I guess he was giving that ABS a real work out there.
2) The MHP unit turns the blues on and a big muscular arm extends out the door with a single finger pointing to a nearby parking lot, it moves in a very authoritative manner that basically telegraphs to me the message "You had better pull your retarded ass over right now because you are already in a world of doo doo and don't make it any worse than it already is, son! Oh, and don't try me, I'm having a bad morning!"
A parking lot of a small strip mall, the perfect place to haul idiots down and into so you can give them a moron citation. If the MHP is as mad as I think he is at how this kid has been driving, the kid's going to need a proctologist to help remove the ticket he's about to get...
Man, that MHP was pissed!
The kid is cussing, with his hat on backwards. I sail past him as he's pulling into the lot, shaking his head and cussing and shaking his head and beating on the dash and the steering wheel and the MHP is two car lengths behind, clearing traffic with lights and siren so it can pull in with the perp. I honk my little L03's horn and give the kid the thumbs up sign. I don't wait to see his response, he's seen my opinion of him. The sad fact of this is; the guy wasn't even from Lamar county. I didn't see where the tag was from, but it had more than 5 letters on it...
Must be a transplanted Lamarian.
Different county, but ...
Is it just me, or do some 4thGen owners have this attitude toward other generations of F-body owners? Your opinion may vary, but I've yet to meet a 4thGen'er who even acknowledged my presence on the road, even when I nodded and basically telegraphed 'nice car' to them.
Any way, this guy got taken down a few notches, and I didn't even have to try very hard. I let him do all the hard work for me.
So much power, so little brains.