EMAIL FROM A TYPICAL HARLEY ZEALOT

The following email is very tongue in cheek, it was created from whole cloth by Eric Randall as a joke.  I think he managed to capture most of the Milwaukee Orthodoxy pretty well and drew it together nicely.  The spelling errors are intentional.

BLACK ECHO, YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT BECAUSE YOU ALMOST MADE ME QUESTION MY UNDYING COMMITMENT TO THE ONLY BRAND AND SOCIAL GROUP THAT I'VE EVER IDENTIFIED WITH, ASS HOLE.

THIS CARTOON SHOWS WHY HARLEY RIDERS ARE BETTER THAN RICE BURNERS. THAT'S ME PISSING ON YOUR BIKE.

MY HD SXFDUVWXYZ WILL "WALK AWAY" FROM ANY LITTLE RICE BURNER BECAUSE I PUT LOUD ASS PIPES ON IT - MY NEIGHBORS ALL LOVE IT BECAUSE THEY ARE BUSH SUPPORTING AMERICANS UN-LIKE YOU YOU LITTLE COMMIE GEEK. MY SPEEDOMETER GOES UP TO 120 AND THAT WAS BEFORE I PUT ON ALL THAT SMOOTH CHROME. BUT IT DON'T MATTER ANYWAY BECAUSE I DON'T RIDE FAST WHEN I'M GOING TO THE BAR IN THE MORNING. SO GO FUCK YOURSELF IN THE EAR AND I HOPE YOU CHOKE ON YOUR LITTLE RICE DICK.

I'VE BEEN TRAILORING HARLEYS TO RALLIES SINCE BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN BORN, SO I'M A BETTER RIDER THAN YOU'LL EVER BE. THOUGH I'M A GUINESS, IT DOESN'T TAKE ONE TO KNOW THAT JAP RIDERS ARE JUST JELOUS OF US BADASS HARLEY OWNERS AND OUR PICKUPS AND TRAILORS AND TOOLS.

YOU'RE A COP AND PIGS CAN'T RIDE MOTORCYCLES BECAUSE THEY'RE GAY. YOU HATE HARLEYS BECAUSE YOUR DAD MOLESTED YOU AND HE WAS A HARLEY OWNER.

YOU WISH YOU HAD AS MUCH MONEY AS ME BECAUSE I CAN AFFORD A HARLEY AND DON'T HAVE TO SETTLE FOR A CHEAP LITTLE RICE BURNER. SURE I COULD HAVE GOT A METRIC CRUISER FOR HALF THE PRICE AND TWICE THE PERFORMANCE, BUT IT DON'T HAVE THE WORDS "HARLEY DAVIDSON" ON THE SIDE AND IT WOULDN'T BE LOUD ENOUGH TO LET DRIVERS KNOW I'M COMING WHICH COULD HAVE MADE ME FEEL INCLINDED TO COVER UP MY FAT HEAD WITH A HELMET INSTEAD OF A BANDANA.

BLACK ECHO MUST BE YOUR COMMIE ETHNIC CALL SIGN ON THE RADIO - NO WONDER YOUR NOT A PATRIOTIC AMERICAN OR ELSE YOU WOULDN'T HATE HARLEYS. MY NICKNAME IS MEAT HEAD AND I'M A BAD ASS AMERICAN. I CAN HARDLY FIT INTO MY EXTRA LARGE HARLEY GEAR BECAUSE I'M GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS.

A HARLEY IS JUST TOO POWERFUL AND UNTAMED FOR A LITTLE WHIMP BOY LIKE YOU. GOD RIDES A HARLEY. I HEARD HIM START IT THIS MORNING - AND THEN IT RAINED. BUT SATAN RIDES A HARLEY TOO, I HAVE A TATTO OF HIM. AND LOTS OF BUDDAHS RIDE HARLEYS, MANY OF THEM HAVE BEARDS.

YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW ALL OF OUR LIVES WE'VE BEEN SOCIAL RETARDS AND AS HARLEY OWNERS WE ARE INDIVIDUALS AND REBELS WHO LOVE TO GET TOGETHER, GET DRUNK, AND SEE WHOSE BIKE IS THE LOUDEST. DARE TO BE DIFFERENT AND GET A HARLEY LIKE THE REST OF US, THEN MAYBE YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE A PATRIOTIC AMERICAN REBEL OUTCAST WANNABE INDIVIDUALIST/CONFORMIST BADASS DRUNK OBNOXIOUS SELF ABSORBED FAT STUPID REDNECK LIKE ME.

IF YOU LOVED AMERICA AND FREEDOM, YOU WOULD BUY A HARLEY. RICE BURNERS PUT AMERICANS OUT OF WORK AND THE JAPANESE ARE GOING TO COME OVER HERE AND TAKE OUR HARLEYS BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T BUY AN OVER PRICED, 1920S TECHNOLOGY, IRON HOG LIKE I DID.

HARLEY RIDERS ARE THE NEW SUPERIOR RACE. JUST GO TO BIKE WEEK AND YOU'LL SEE THAT WE ARE THE NEW WORLD ORDER. YOUR RACIST HATRED AGAINST US FURTHER PROVES HOW BAD ASS WE ARE SINCE YOU RIDE A RICE BURNER.

DRUNK OLD BIKER WOMEN RUB THEIR FAT SLIMEY PUSSIES ALL OVER MY CHROME AND LEATHER BECAUSE THEY LOVE HARLEYS AND WANT MY DICK. I'VE FUCKED MORE TRUCK STOP WAITRESSES THAN YOU'LL EVER GET BECAUSE OF MY HARLEY, FAGGIT.

YOU GOT ME SO MAD THAT I JUST BLEW A HOLE MY MONITOR WITH MY SAWED OFF DOUBLE BARRELL, THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO TALK BAD ABOUT SOMETHING I LIKE.

YOU CAN'T UNDESTAND HARLEY'S DESIGNATIONS BECAUSE I'VE HAD 26 OF THEM PLUS A SPORTSER WHICH ONLY COUNTS AS A HALF OF A HARLEY.

 

 

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