CHARLES and TIM'S ATTEMPT TO SPONTANEOUSLY EVOLVE
Every now and then I get a true gem in my email, something that just immediately grabs me and lets me run with it for a while. Sometimes I get two such emails. This is one of those times. As my finger hovered over the almighty [DELETE] key on these two emails, a voice from somewhere told me not to just delete these emails, that something about them would bring a great source of amusement.
The first Email was from a "Smith, Charles E E-7 (Sima Pascagoula)", and it had some similarities to the second, much better written email but since Charles is little more than a Faulknerian idiot man-child gainfully employed by the U.S. Navy and wasting your valuable tax dollars by surfing the internet and using a military email system to reply in his own rather lackluster but caustic way, I found little in the way of anything really worth responding to in his case.
There wasn't much I could do with "Smith, Charles E E-7 (Sima Pascagoula)'s Email, it stands as a mute testament to his own special strain of ignorance and as yet another example of the kind of rather limited mentality that it takes to own a Harley. Since both Emails were so similar, I thought I would share two for one this time, though only Tim really gets the spotlight. "Smith, Charles E E-7 (Sima Pascagoula)," like I said, is pretty much just a waste of human semen that should have bounced off the front end of a condom long ago and been unceremoniously discarded after being used.
Here is the pride of the Navy's Email to me."Smith, Charles E E-7 (Sima Pascagoula)" csmith(at)mail.pgl.spear.navy.mil writes FUck you you bigoted pIece of shit. Take your wining sorry assed crybaby ass
Charles' cognitive-starved email has about as much staying power as a dead hamster dick with half the charisma. I think we should change his call sign of "LOW SPEED" (how appropriate for a Harley-owning orangu-tard) to "LOW IQ". It should be one tattoo that Charles should be forced to get by the Navy, put across his forehead, in one inch high letters, for all the world to see.
I like how he apparently banged out his reply three or four fingers at a time, and the laughable use of the word "wining". Shouldn't that be "whining"? Or maybe he meant "winning", which I think is more appropriate since that is what I seem to be doing against these mono-brow squareheads. And people sometimes don't get the humor behind the fact that Harley once had an engine called a "Knucklehead". Milwaukee knew who their target market was, they just went ahead and pre-named their engine in honor of the intended customer base.
The fact that "Smith, Charles E E-7 (Sima Pascagoula)" is about 100 miles from me down in Pascagoula, MS causes me some concern. The fact that he's using a government / military email account that I, as a tax payer am paying for, to send me this shit causes me even more concern. Just more of your hard earned tax dollars at work, folks. Read it and weep. This is probably the kind of guy we have with his finger over the LAUNCH button for a bunch of sub launched ballistic missiles on a nuclear attack submarine. Let's all just pray that higher evolved minds have prevailed and that "Smith, Charles E E-7 (Sima Pascagoula)" isn't in charge of anything more threatening than a mop and bucket. He probably sneaked in under the 'Don't Ask. Don't Tell' policy.'
And speaking of the 'Don't Ask. Don't Tell' policy, here is the second Wide-Glide homo-tard in this all-star lineup. His name is "Tim". "Tim" sent an email which had the always catchy subject line of "Fuck you". Since it didn't have any type of punctuation indicator mark after it, he could have meant it as "Fuck you!" or "Fuck you." or "Fuck you?"
Probably the latter.
Tim, as you will see, is the typical Harley rider. Rich, arrogant, and a total brain dead ass muppet on top of that. Tim more than adequately mixes up equal amounts of enthusiasm with stupidity in his own personal secret family recipe for ignorance and dishes it out hot and fresh in a personal serving size.
Tim came out of the closet just long enough to say:From: "Tim"
Subject: Fuck you
Date: Mon, 15 Apr 2002 00:35:57 -0500
Just wanted to say FUCK YOU! I own a beautiful home, own a large business and have no tatoo's. I am a Harley owner as well as a Yamaha and Suzuki owner but, My Harley-Davidson is my favorite and always will be. You must be the poor trailer trash if you cant afford to get a Harley. That must be why you are so upset- jealousy. Well, like I said. I just wanted to say Fuck you, so goodnight asshole......
______________ TO WHICH I REPLIED _______________Tim,
Thank you for the sincere email in which you chose to express your views in the adult, educated, and mature manner with which I have come to expect from typical Harley owners. After reading your email, my first impression of you is that you are a snobby financially secure upper class monkey twit. Your false superiority stems from the fact that you perceive your alleged financial situation to be an advantage over others who may be less fortunate than you. You also believe that you are a better person than I am simply because you claim that you own a nice home, you claim to own a large successful business, and you claim that you can afford to buy more than one motorcycle (including, as you take time to point out, the token Harley). This clearly shows that you are nothing more than a stuck up chimp clitoris who in turn views the world and everyone else in it by looking down the length of your own nose.
My thought on this is, if the Harley is your show-piece and your favorite, why did you see the need to buy two other patently inferior bikes? Did the Harley not provide enough motorcycling pleasure or did you get the Suzuki and the Yamaha so you could still ride when your piece of shit-for-bike Harley was broken down and you were waiting on someone else to fix it for you? You didnt mention it in your email, but I bet you also own a pickup truck and a trailer, which are two minimum requirements for owning a Harley. You need something to carry your show-piece in when it lets you down on the side of the road and to pick it up before the garbage collector comes by and carries the trash away.
Tim, you strike me as obviously being someone who has far more money than brains. Your education and your manners (or apparent lack thereof) can certainly be brought to question when reviewing your email. To be so well off, you possess no knowledge of tact nor any given amount of proper upbringing. This clearly shows that you really havent had to earn what you have in life and that it was all given to you on a silver plate.
It could very well be that youre from the same trailer park that you mention so readily in your email. A double wide would be considered a nice big home to inbred hee-haw stumpfucks like yourself, and a large successful business might be defined as a profitable meth lab located in that very same trailer park. You could be mixing up corporate profits in your kitchen sink and your spare bathtub. All of this would make you a veritable king of the trailer park, which would be like your own little private fiefdom, so to speak and would go far to explaining your attitude. Since you didnt describe what exact motorcycles you have, none of them may even be running at this time, and the Harley is probably on blocks out behind your trailer, on the side of your nostalgic outhouse.
It is also more than clear that you have never learned even the most basic of elementary finance practices nor simple business administration techniques. If you had learned these important concepts, then you would be far wealthier than you are now, and you certainly wouldnt own a Harley or be bragging about it. Im afraid that a Harley isnt a clear sign of success, Tim. Its a tragic sign of failure; a failure to learn even basic elementary finance principles and how to properly use your money.
I myself learned a long time ago, in college I might add, about the many intricate concepts of business and finance. One of the first things that I learned was that if someone takes a old dog turd and sprays it with Krylon gold fleck paint, what you have presented back to you may look like a valuable pile of gold, but it is still only gold painted dog shit. You would have to be a fool to buy it by weight and volume at the current market price of genuine gold, no matter how well designed and implemented the marketing campaign was to sell it. A large part of successfully running a business is having good old fashioned common sense. Spending your hard earned money on tired old shit isn't very smart from a financial viewpoint, now is it, unless of course you are in the fertilizer business.
I personally think that Milwaukee is in the fertilizer business, as all that they produce is shit. They've been in the fertilizer business for decades now. It's a big business because apparently there are a lot of people seriously in need of high priced low quality shit.
I think it would be a good idea for you to go back to college (if indeed, you ever went in the first place, which is itself highly questionable) and earn, yes, actually earn a degree in business administration. I would then suggest that you follow that degree up with advanced learning in the form of a masters degree in business administration (MBA) to round out your knowledge. Youre going to need a lot more knowledge in life than what you have apparently gotten out of the "Business for Dummies" book that you bought at a garage sale. I would whole-heartedly suggest that you obtain this much needed education from some place other than the DeVry Institute, or from a mail order firm that you found in the ads section in the back of Rolling Stone magazine, or from any commercial featuring Sally Struthers crying softly as she reads from a teleprompter.
A more full and richly bodied education would have made you a wealthier and wiser man and brought a little maturity to you in doing so. It has been my own humble experience that those who earn their money, and consequently their financial freedom using means of their own, generally arent the same ones who feel an incessant need to brag about their success and material possessions to other people. Only snobby tit fed twat swabs like yourself feel the need to brag about what they have. Generally it is these same sad pathetic societal lesions who also are the first to try to point out that the lack of material goods or money thereof in comparison to other people that they meet as being the clear indicative factor of their higher standing in life and of their superiority in respect to those around them.
Oh how my heart rejoices and turns somersaults in my chest to learn that your motorcycle collection includes the token Harley, which you refer to as the "favorite show piece". How very gratifyingly appropriate, you called your Harley a show piece. What more could it ever be? You certainly can't do much with it other than ride around and show off. Your Harley is less of a motorcycle and more of something to brag to others about owning, it is a status symbol for you, a bragging right, nothing more. Your Harley is your own personal relations instrument, something that will say to others for you;
"Im rich therefore Im important ergo I own a Harley."
How boringly typical among those pathetic wastes of stagnant human semen that seem to occupy your perceived level of the economic strata to spend good money on what amounts to a self propelled version of the venerable little black jockey lawn ornament.
"Im rich, I own a big house, I own a large business, I own a Harley, and I brag about all of it! You arent exactly like me therefore you suck! Im so much better than you! Fuck you! Did I mention I ride a Harley? That makes me better than you because you can't afford a Harley. Fuck you again, you dirt poor asshole. Ive got money and I can prove it!"
Thanks for being unoriginal, immature, and just plain ignorant, Tim. I have a saying about Harley riders; "if you dont expect too much of them, they might not let you down." You havent let me down yet, Tim. Of course, when I received your email, I didnt have very high expectations to begin with and I have to say that youve come in well over par on this one. Your prepackaged and wholly canned argument to try to prove that you are better than I am fails from the start, kind of like your Harley generally does when you try to kick it over for a ride.
I feel sorry for you, I really do. You are nothing more than a poor carbon copy of every other seemingly well off rectum worshipping nose in the air money flaunting snit-tard who claims to have a few more zeros than I have behind their yearly income; a person who subsequently feels that this somehow makes them a better person than I am. I dont think ignorance is something to brag about, Tim, but you certainly wear it with pride and it fits you well, almost like it was made for you, which I guess it was. When it comes to ignorance, you could truly be the poster child. The fact that ignorance is both abundant and free should also make your tight wad penny flaunting ass happy.
You dont act like a hard working well-educated, financially secure business owner. You act more like a spoiled little sissy twat who just got their feelings hurt because someone spoke out against their comfortable little self-generated existence and caused ripples in the pond of your own fetid mediocrity. You act more like Daddy handed you the keys to the family business than you actually having built anything up on your own. It must be hard to be born with such a large silver spoon shoved so far up your ass, Tim. I also think that riding an inferior piece of shit leather and tassel covered Milwaukee paint shaker has obviously shoved that big silver spoon even farther up your ass. That would go a long way in explaining how your chin is always canted at an upward angle towards everyone you meet.
I have to congratulate you on one thing, Tim. You are correct in that I can't afford a Harley. I can afford two Harleys, should I so choose, maybe three if I squeeze out some of the other pleasures I enjoy in life like eating regularly and practicing good personal hygiene. Since you only own one Harley, and by using your own logic, if I were to go out and purchase two Harleys, I would therefore be twice the man that you are. That is, I could easily be twice the man that you are now if I so chose to part with my hard-earned money in such a blatantly foolish way. Unlike you, I choose not to waste my hard earned money on such obvious refried dog shit as the leather clad chrome covered goat turds that are rolling off the duh-ssembly lines in Milwaukee. This one simple decision on my part at least makes me twice as smart as you, both from a common sense point of view and from a financial and business stance as well. You may have money but so far, you certainly havent been able to find any brains to go with it.
Tim, it is people like you who keep me from ever wanting to buy a Harley, it is the patently ignorant Milwaukee mantra chanting goat fuck zealots that belong to the 'you don't understand so fuck you' group that is so quick to point out that while they are real bikers and ride real motorcycles, anyone different than them by the same token is not. Sadly, the fact that you own a Harley does not make you a better person than I am, as your email would so clearly indicate that you at least think so, nor does the fact that you may own a nice house and your own successful business make you a better person that I am. I do not know you, I dont know what kind of house you live in, or what business you own, therefore, how can I be jealous of something I know nothing of. I do, however, know that you own a Harley and of that I can most definitely assure you I am not jealous. I have nothing but pity for you for owning a Harley.
You probably have more loose change in your pocket than you do points in your IQ. God, in His infinite wisdom, gave some of us brains so that we might take advantage of those whom He didnt give brains to. The people in Milwaukee have brains, Tim, or what passes for them, or theyve learned to emulate the thinking process at least enough to be able to take advantage of more feeble minded ass muppets like yourself.
You, on the other hand, clearly do not possess a brain. Isnt it sad that for all your supposed business savvy that what it really comes down to is that youve been financially put over a stump and repeatedly ass raped by a bunch of three tooth inbred hill scoggins who laughed all the way to the bank with your hard earned money?
And you were totally oh-blivious to it, Mr. successful business man.
Milwaukee has programmed you well. Your flawed logic, your tired old arguments, and your lack of any true cognitive prowess worked hard long ago to suck your brain right out of your puckered anus in a vast rush of negative differential pressure. Your empty skull must whistle whenever you ride your Harley and that probably is a good thing as that keeps small animals and deer from hopping in front of you because, God knows, you wouldnt be able to dodge them in that overweight motorized wheelchair you call a real motorcycle if you really had to.
How predictable, a ignorant rich lemming with a Harley pointing out that someone who isn't exactly like them sucks and therefore because I don't have the same money as you (how would you know?), or the same taste in cheap ass domestic junk that I therefore must be jealous of what you have. Jealous? Please. Jealous of what? Jealous that I dont look like a complete fucking bondage disciple mongo ass clown when I ride down the road on something that makes a hell of a lot of noise but has no balls to back it up? What a patently immature outlook on life you have, sir, but I expect that from someone who brags about their home, their large business, and their collection of motorcycles, being sure to mention their Harley as the show piece, and who then uses that information as a basis for comparison in determining if someone else is worthy or not. Sad.
Your Harley isn't a motorcycle for you, Tim, it's your only chrome stamped admission ticket to a pathetic and tragic lifestyle that you feel that you are entitled to because somehow the world owes it to you and you alone. Your Harley is nothing more than a expensive bragging right to a lackluster life which you have managed to build around yourself using your questionable skills and rather limited mental capacity. Your Harley is an accomplishment, but its one that you bought, not one that you earned. It's kind of like going and buying a four foot tall first place trophy for a contest which you never entered and then displaying it in your curio for all the world to see, bragging on it. A trophy doesnt mean anything unless you win it the hard way. Your Harley is a statement that you make just enough money to be stupid. Remember, Tim; a Harley is Gods way of telling you that you have too much money. You apparently arent listening.
Congratulations, Tim! In your effort to prove to me that you are the superior example of humanity, you have in turn proven that you are only a rather ordinary and totally forgettable stuck up selfish spastic homo ass waffle with little respect for others not like you. As much of a poser as you are, I would suggest you look into purchasing some temporary rub on tattoos, maybe theyll pass for the real things and you can pretend to be more of a real biker with them. The only reason you dont have any real tattoos is because you are obviously a limp wristed sissy with overly thin skin and a low threshold for physical pain. It is evident that you cant take a lot of pain because you obviously cant take your tiny little feelings getting hurt by a difference of opinion with others. A difference of opinion that clearly threatens your secure little world, hops the narrow fence you have built around yourself mentally to knock on your door and punch your ego right in the mouth when it sheepishly answers. It really bothers you to be shown the sad, pathetic fucking subliminal existence that you have managed to somehow carve out of this life, doesnt it? All that money and you still cant afford a fucking clue. Oh, and please dont look to Milwaukee for help either, they havent had a fucking clue for decades.
And as for the offer to engage in close personal sexual relations, I must decline. You see, I only have intercourse with members of the opposite sex and then only when said member coexists on the same rung of the evolutionary ladder and the same strata of the food chain. I know those are difficult criteria to fill, but they are mine and there is something to be said about quality over quantity. It really is lonely here at the top of the food chain, Tim, and quiet since there arent any Harley owners up here. You will just have to take my word for that as I doubt you will ever reach this high on the origin of the species development stage.
If you do somehow start to spontaneously evolve in an otherwise ridiculous attempt to genetically catch up with the rest of the human race, please let me know. When you advance from a knuckle dragging proto-simian rough hair covered no-neck monosyllable grunting neanderetard into at least a minimal entry level passable example of a modern homo sapiens, then that is going to be a day well worth celebrating. In your case, however, I think that the pre-descriptive term homo in the classification "homo sapiens", while being more than adequate to describe you accurately, isnt going to bring you the secret rough man-sex joy that you so fervently hope that it will.
Keep trying, you brain dead ass muppets. Milwaukee is depending on losers like
you to keep them in moonshine, bare feet, corn-cob pipes, straw hats, and overalls for a
long, long time to come.