One Percenter JD

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Yeah, right. Who does he think he's fooling?

From:         Wwllm2@aol.com
To:              blackecho
Subject:    GO AHEAD AND POST THIS ONE, FROM 1%ER JD.
Sent:          Fri, 5 Dec 2003 01:43:28 EST

To Whom It May Concern ("blackecho"),

Perhaps you are lacking some insight into matters. Your views are protected by the 1st Amendment, as repugnant, illiterate, and utterly devoid of value as they may be.

Your 'rants' come across as if you are unable to behave in an unbiased manner.

Your vulgarity speaks volumes to your marked lack of mastery of the English language. Moreover, you seem willing to insult all sorts of folks because of your beliefs, no matter how uninsightful they may be.

It is truly remarkable your ability to use profanities to get whatever narrow minded point you think you might have across to others.

Perhaps you should purchase a copy of Strunk and White to aid you in your writing.

Referring to people as "idiots" and "shit-tards" (sic) and "inbred redneck stump fuck imbecile(s)" (sic), is grossly questionable conduct that goes to your character and fitness as a human being and police officer. This sort of misguided and illiterate discourse lends dishonor to the badge and the profession in which you claim to work.

Your aforementioned discouse is in poor taste.

It is clear to me that the illiterate, most unintelligible, nonsense, is that penned by you.

Do the web and your community a favor and act like an unbiased police officer. Try not to behave as you do. God protect the citizenry you allegedly "police."

1%er, JD

ps

The beauty of this great country is it protects speech, even yours.

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I sent this reply to the email address given, seeking confirmation of the identity of my antagonist.

From:         "Black Echo"
To:              Wwllm2@aol.com
Subject:     RE: GO AHEAD AND POST THIS ONE, FROM 1%ER JD.
Sent:           Fri, 5 Dec 2003 10:39:03 -0600

Is "wwllm2@aol.com" the email address of this 1%ER (one percenter) JD or are you just copying the pathetic scrawling of this over-educated, under-minded proletariat from somewhere else on the web? I need to know as I'm finished with my reply and I want the correct person to get full credit for the unmitigated ignorance which they deigned to send to me via email.

Christopher T. Shields -"BLACK ECHO"- "I'm not black like Barry White, I'm white like Frank Black."

Step into my world at: http://www.goingfaster.com

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And I received this email in return…
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How I do adore these drop-in mongotards for they are so very well adapted to make sport of. Since I was given his permission (even asked) to post his two emails, I have been happy to oblige him, which leads us to remember the old bit of advice of “be careful what you wish for because you may just get it.”

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From:        Wwllm2@aol.com
To:             blackecho
Subject: GO AHEAD AND POST THIS ONE, FROM 1%ER JD.
Sent:         Fri, 5 Dec 2003 01:43:28 EST

To Whom It May Concern ("blackecho"),

Perhaps you are lacking some insight into matters.

No, I believe that I have hit the nail squarely on the head and proceeded to drive it home.

Your views are protected by the 1st Amendment, as repugnant, illiterate, and utterly devoid of value as they may be.

I’m afraid that neither my personal views or myself can in any way, shape, or form ever be considered to be “illiterate.” Your opinion of my views is just that and therefore is not wholly or even partially indicative of the mindset of the general populace. If you were somehow led to believe otherwise, then you, sir, were grossly misinformed.

Your 'rants' come across as if you are unable to behave in an unbiased manner.

You are obviously mistaking experience for bias. I am not afraid to call it like I see it or cite example after example of real world instances that support my opinion of the subject matter I choose to pursue.

Your vulgarity speaks volumes to your marked lack of mastery of the English language.

My vulgarity is simply a tool used to mimic and simultaneously mock the uneducated sheep of this great land. I wield profanity with both great alacrity and wrath. My mastery of the English language has allowed me to not only convey my message back to the inbred heathen masses, but also the clever and humorous use of vulgarity has allowed me to do so in a manner which the simple minded easily understand.

In other words, I’m besting them at their own game and rubbing their noses in it.

Moreover, you seem willing to insult all sorts of folks because of your beliefs, no matter how uninsightful they may be.

If you email me telling me that I’m uneducated or stupid while you have more than forty rather obvious spelling and grammar errors in your email, then I’m going to put you in your place with no remorse and no regret. I insult people who can’t or won’t think on their own. I insult people whose core beliefs are pulled straight from the advertising tag-line of a page in a dealer showroom catalog or an accessory brochure. I make fun of and ridicule knuckle dragging idiots and unnatural grammar deviants.

As to your opinion of my beliefs, I have often been told that my beliefs are very insightful, that they are well written, widely read, largely accepted, and embraced with great enthusiasm among those who inhabit the upper levels of the food chain.

Let’s put it another way, shall we? My fan club is bigger than yours and the members are far smarter.

It is truly remarkable your ability to use profanities to get whatever narrow minded point you think you might have across to others.

I deal with narrow minded people on a regular basis so the end justifies the means. Since the people I deal with wear their hearts on their sleeves (thus being quick to anger and slow to think) and are more often than not both stupid and uneducated, I will therefore resort to the more mundane methods of interspecies communication when dealing with them. I find that, for the most part, the kind of person who has a bone to pick with me is generally relegated to a caste of society which exists only because there are laws in place that protect them from the order of natural selection and even go as far as to reward them handsomely for rampantly breeding in great numbers.

Profanity is a tool, nothing more, and how you use a tool determines if it is good or bad. There is a time and place for everything, even profanity, whether you like it or not.

Perhaps you should purchase a copy of Strunk and White to aid you in your writing.

I’m rather disinclined to acquiesce to your suggestion at this time.*

*Means “no.”

Referring to people as "idiots" and "shit-tards" (sic) and "inbred redneck stump fuck imbecile(s)" (sic), is grossly questionable conduct that goes to your character and fitness as a human being and police officer. This sort of misguided and illiterate discourse lends dishonor to the badge and the profession in which you claim to work.

If the shoe fits then wear it. That is my philosophy when dealing with the kind of people that I have to deal with on a daily basis.

The term you are looking for is inbred redneck stump fuck hill scoggin. Since I coined the words “shit-tard”, “stump fuck” and “hill scoggin” then I believe I can tell whether or not they are spelled correctly, thank you very much.

As for my fitness and my character, I believe those two attributes are best judged by the other officers with whom I work, rather than by an armchair dwelling, pseudo-intellectual like you.

Your aforementioned discouse (sic) is in poor taste.

Ah, sweet, sweet irony! First you chastise me for incorrect spelling then you turn around and misspell a rather simple word in your very next sentence.

I do believe that the word you are attempting to use is “discourse”, Herr Professor.

“Discouse” is a term that I am unfamiliar with though I feel it may have something to do with that pop culture music fad of the mid- to late 1970’s which featured such high energy music groups as the Bee Gees and ABBA.

It is clear to me that the illiterate, most unintelligible, nonsense, is that penned by you.

I’ll give you five extra points on your next exam if you can diagram that sentence correctly for me.

In retrospect, it is clear to me that you really are quite fond of the word “illiterate” even though it is obvious that you don’t know how to use the word. If you use the word “illiterate” one more time in our conversation, I will fervently suggest that you get it tattooed in three inch tall gothic script somewhere upon your body so that you will always have it near and dear to you. Your forehead seems to be the most obvious place that I would suggest that you request the ink to be put down upon.

Do the web and your community a favor and act like an unbiased police officer. Try not to behave as you do. God protect the citizenry you allegedly "police."

This bit of lithe riposte made me chuckle, just a little, but chuckle nonetheless. I can assure you that if my behavior as a police officer was anything other than commendable, I would have had my badge removed long, long ago.

Once again, I’ll leave the judging of whether or not I’m fit to be a police officer to people who are far more capable of determining my capacity in that regard than you are. Savvy?

1%er, JD

Really, sir. How can you honestly expect me to believe that you are a one percenter when you’re an AOLoser? That would be like someone who is a proud, card carrying member of the Ku Klux Klan thinking that they would honestly be taken seriously if they claimed that they were a spokesman for the NAACP.

Now, for all of your self-assumed intellect, I find it gut wrenchingly hilarious that you still have to use AOL to figure out your way onto and around the Internet. Your use of AOL means that while you may very well indeed be a one percenter, it is the lower one percent range in our society that you so clearly occupy and thus most comfortably call home.

ps

The beauty of this great country is it protects speech, even yours.

No, sir.

The beauty of this great country is that rugged, free thinking, well educated, individuals (like me) are proud to serve our communities, to do our civic service, and to put our lives on the line of duty even when we have to deal with people like you daily.

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And now, without further adieu, I present part deux of 1%JD's emails to me.
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From:         Wwllm2@aol.com
To:              blackecho
Subject:     POST BOTH EMAILS TO YOU FROM 1%ER JD.
Sent:           Fri, 5 Dec 2003 21:01:54 EST

"Black echo"

Thank you for your email.

Your missives are truly remarkable. I applaud the fact you managed to refrain from your base use of profanity in your most recent discourse to me.

I thank you in turn for the professional courtesy which you have deigned to grudgingly extend to me. I know it must be painful for you to give up any ground in this exchange, but I’m afraid that is a feeling that you will just have to get used to experiencing more often than not as our challenge continues.

Do you really know the meaning of the words you attempt to use?

Yes. It is a talent which clearly sets me apart from you.

Your ignorance is so obtuse that you really ought to stop embarrassing yourself.

You should be the one to talk, sir.

Your core arguments are nothing more than repetitious saturation bombings that are as laughable as they are ineffectual. Like an inept artilleryman with palsy, you can’t seem to hit the target you are aiming for, no matter how large the firing sheaf or the beaten zone is of your barrage. Your feeble attempts to draw me out through cheap insinuations are easily spotted before hand and thus readily avoided.

Please, do try harder this next time as I grow so very bored with your blunt little jabs and coaxial snide swipes. As a self-proclaimed intellectual trying so fervently to set yourself above me, I find it humorous that you have to reach so far back into your elementary grade level bag of tricks in order to do so. I’m sure that soon you will be attacking my sexual prowess followed shortly after that by a flurry of insults raining down upon my mother and even my birthright. I feel confident that somewhere after that point your challenge will deteriorate quickly into the “neeny-neeny-boo-boo” stage. I’m afraid that when we finally reach that laughable point I will promptly give you a couple of cookies, a paper cup of juice, and instruct you to take your Scooby-Doo™ blanket and go lay down on the floor for a much needed nap with the other toddlers in your kindergarten group.

How could you possibly know whether or not I am a member of the proletariat? Do you even know what "proletariat" means?

Remember that bit of philosophy from the last discussion, the part where I said “if the shoe fits…?” No, probably not. Yes, I know what the word proletariat means. I would not have referred to you by that term if I did not know full well what the word meant and / or if I did not, at that particular point in time, feel that you were a prime example of such genetic flotsam.

Perhaps you are a card carrying member of the lumpen proletariat.

The lumpen proletariat? Is that the best you can do for a counter to my assessment of your current level of social development? How childishly banal. Perhaps I was wrong in calling you a proletariat as I realize now that you are nowhere near that advanced and in all likelihood never will be. No, in bitter hindsight you are nothing more than a Luddite, and a rather unoriginal one at that.

Moreover, if you have a reply that is anything other than crude, insulting, in poor taste, and otherwise par for the course verbal discharge, of which you appear prone to, please reply to me.

I shall post this exchange on my site per your two CAPS LOCK embellished requests that I do so. I would also give you a brief lesson in the proper use of the CAPS LOCK key, but then I remembered that you use AOL and thus I feel that such learning would be effectively beyond your innate capacity to achieve.

In answer to your question as to the author of the email to you, Black echo, yes it was penned by yours truly.

Now that is an awkward sentence. Perhaps it would read better if you were to have said:

“In answer to your question as to who the author of the email was, yes it was penned by yours truly.” –corrected by Black Echo

Or perhaps this is the best form:

“Yes. I sent you that email.” –streamlined for brevity by Black Echo

Your reply to me was not so much penned as it was typed, I imagine.

Penned? A term that anachronistic is practically bordering on fossilization. You truly must live in your own well padded ivory tower, don’t you? I thank you for the confirmation and for you taking a great amount of personal responsibility, something which so few people are inclined to do these days. It is a delight to know that you are at least mature enough to claim your own ignorance.

Notice, we've not discussed anything to do with motorcycles and their relative attributes or arguable shortcomings.

Really? You don’t say. Please, allow me to insert a pseudo-dramatic pause here to placate you. I take it that you’re either just now figuring that part of this discussion out or that somehow I’m supposed to be surprised at this so called revelation which you have just sprung. My, my but you are a rather slow learner, aren’t you?

This is not an argument about motorcycles. I doubt that you have any experience at all with motorcycles let alone if you could identify the major parts that constituted the makeup of such an advanced piece of technology. No. This is a jousting match, instigated by you, in order to somehow prove yourself against me for whatever reasons you may feel are justified in doing so. I obviously threaten your perceived existence on some primal level or else you never would have taken it upon yourself to troll my domain.

What you and I are engaging in is nothing more than an intellectual sparring match, a virtual chest beating contest where we each mark our respective territory by splashing the Internet with gallons and gallons of synaptic fluid and cyber-testosterone all the while trying to outdo each other in mortal textual combat.

Yippy ki yi yay. I do believe a Kodak moment is in the making.

We have merely discussed your utter lack of intellectual substance, and due to your outspoken use of base and profane language, clearly showing bias and an inability to demonstrate lack of prejudice, a charge going directly to your character and fitness.

Oh goody!

You have presented yet another dilapidated ruin of a sentence for us to restore to its original beauty! If your emails were run down old houses, then Bob Villa would have an absolute field day in your system outbox. I believe the example shown above is what an educated person would refer to as a run-on sentence. Most normal children learned how not to make those in about the sixth grade but you then must be extra special. Here, please allow me to fix it. No, no, it’s quite okay, I don’t mind doing this at all for you. I often help my wife grade papers for her eighth grade middle school class so I’m used to dealing with work that is only a little more advanced than yours.

Now, your sentence would have read better and made more sense if you had penned it in the following manner:

“Thus far, we have merely discussed the utter lack of intellectual substance in your rants, the verbose use of base and profane language to convey your message, your rather obvious bias and your complete inability to demonstrate a lack of prejudice. These are all quite serious charges which I feel are very dark smears against both your character and your fitness.” –corrected by Black Echo

I improvised a bit there for you and used a word or two you might have to look up on your own. Since I am also adept at the art of self-depreciating comedy, I am comfortable enough with my abilities and limitations that I may write something like this about myself, albeit it to be completely untrue and a work of pure fiction.

You really should allow me to proof-read any future emails you may deign to send my way as it will expedite our conversation greatly if I don’t have to go back and correct you so often. One of my greatest dislikes in life is constantly dealing with amateurs. It truly irks the greater educated soul, to put it ever so succinctly.

I do find it interesting that grammar is such a bitter enemy for you, an enemy that obviously must be remorselessly destroyed in the quickest manner possible! Your particular chosen manner of destruction is also well suited to generating the grossest amount of pain to any educated mind which has the misfortune to read your drivel-like scrawl. I find your uniquely proprietary sentence structure to be almost wonderfully Escher-like in nature, where if the reader tries to follow the sentence logically, thus trying to derive some small meaning from the written words you have assembled together in a veritable ad hoc fashion, they are surprised to arrive not at where they perceived they rightly should, but rather at a wholly different ending all together.

Your email has all the nuances of a homemade roller coaster in a trailer park. It has its ups and downs to be sure but when the ride is over, you’re right back where you started, it isn’t pretty to look at, and you are poorer for the experience.

I would also like to point out that your base argument against my fitness and character grows ever weaker with each repetition which you manage to force upon it. Eventually I feel that your argument must surely collapse upon its own inwrought foundation, be that what it may. If I were you, I would make sure I was not under it when it came crashing down around you, lest your ego be crushed flatter than your ACT score.

So, the First Amendment protects my beliefs and speech, just as it protects your vacuous repugnancies.

Ah, good! The merry yet witty repartee continues unabated and at a sprightly pace to boot!

We shall now add the word “repugnant” and all its variances to the list of words which you seem to be so feverishly enamored with and which you apparently use on a habitual basis. Vacuous is a very good word to throw into the argument, thank you, but I feel it has far more in common with your line of reasoning and the presentation of your own fetid brand of logic rather than with having anything to do with what I may have produced to date.

I am surprised you even ride a motorcycle (you are not cool enough), and I am shocked that there is a department that allows you to carry a gun and baton, if you really even are a member of law enforcement. I just cannot think of any self respecting law enforcement folks I know that would bring such dishonor to the profession.

Ouch I say unto thee!

Verily I am run through yet once again with the exceedingly dull blade of your inane intellect. Sweet merciful fate, deliver me post haste from this oaf for I am surely doomed to suffer the slow death of a thousand witless jabs given to me at the hands of this unruly simian.

Reply as you will, if you are able to muster something worthwhile with intellectual value.

Sir, I am afraid that when it comes to “intellectual value” you are completely bankrupt if not already in the merciless grip of advanced foreclosure.

If I am to use the two examples which you have given me to work with thus far, then I feel that any one of the children featured on a Jerry Lewis telethon could do a better job than what you have presented. Answering you is not going to be the problem, no, preventing my mind from going uncomfortably numb with your pedant banter could very well become a Herculean task if not a Sisyphusian challenge in and of itself.

Sincerely,

1%er JD.

Ps

Your quote regarding Barry White and Frank Black is just plain stupid. No one cares what color you are.

The quote you are referring to is lifted from a pop song by The Bloodhound Gang. The reason you are unfamiliar with this song is because Barry Manilow has yet to do a cover of it. I find it humorous that the obvious yet simple irony of the lyric is so easily lost upon you hence I won’t waste any effort in trying to explain it. Einstein once said that everything should be made as simple as possible and not one bit simpler.

You are obviously a clear exception to that rule.

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